Newbie- where to start?

markb196t • Dec 17, 2018

Hi maybe i can help, i myself am looking for a sub, maybe i could interest you

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 17, 2018

MB = Master Bear.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 17, 2018

It has died down significantly but one need not put the word out that they want to "join a BDSM 101" type "class" to get predators and horn-dogs at the digital door.

Some won't take "No, Thanks" for an answer, the rest do give up and move on once it becomes clear that the "digital door" is as close as they're getting to my ass.

Meanwhile there's a wealth of information out there, outside of the social media setting, obviously including here, where one who thinks they're into this twisted stuff can get the how and why from those who recall and recount their beginner experiences.

Most important.. There's not a shortage of those who thought this was for them only to dive in and find they bit off more than they can chew. For those who think this can be a thing for them, read up as much as you can but in the end, like a shoe, one has to 'try it on". Make sure it is clear to the "other half" that is what you (rhet) are doing and be sure they would be OK with "Well, maybe this isn't for me.." I mean sure they'd be disappointed but they should also know the deal going in. Good example, a new sub hooks up with one who describes himself as a sadist.. Definitely jumping into the deep end of a pool before one has fully learned to swim.

DrWakko • Dec 18, 2018

If you are looking for a 101 type of course look into the local community for classes as well as major bdsm / leather cons that might be in your area.

check for events: http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/events.html
check for munches: http://findamunch.com/

munches are just meals with kinky people, but its a gateway going to events, classes and parties.

Me too

terralyn​(sub female) • Jan 16, 2019

I am a newbie and I also like the idea of a class for newbies. I definitely would sign up too. It would be very interesting to not only witness but be apart of.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Jan 17, 2019

I think I like of newbie classes. It would be very helpful from just the basics, what you can expect being new, even having Doms with similar taste speak to the newbie. Also the experience subs tell their experiences no matter good or bad. I think it would be great.

WEAPON X​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2019

Thats actually a very good idea and we could also have some subs add things we may miss there is always room to learn

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Jan 17, 2019

There is always room to learn. The problem is what to teach and if it's even teachable. It's like trying to teach someone to buy a used car; there a lot of technical knowledge to impart, but there's also how to negotiate and not get scammed. If anything, the technical aspects are the least important.

Hard truth is that a lot of advice for new folks can only be told and not taught. They'll see it, hear it, but still make those mistakes. It happens.

To continue with the used car analogy, there's a lot to be said for one on one teaching and mentoring. The honest and best answer to the used car thing is that it can't be taught. Much better to take along an experienced friend to the deal.

I'd argue it's the same for BDSM; it's much better to talk out choices and fears with someone who knows you well. Quite often the question asked on the surface is really just a placeholder for another worry, and it takes personal knowledge to spot that.

Example: Are they asking about flogging because they're turned on but worried about previous abuse about causing issues?

You could give all the technical info about flogging you could think of to that person and they still wouldn't have their question answered. You need to know them well enough to spot the hidden questions and fears.

That's not going to happen in an online class setting. There are many good reasons why Old Guard uses a mentor approach. It works well.

'Take a class' only works for technical stuff, and only if your learning style suits it. It's only teaching you about cars. Spotting sleazy salespeople and financing scams is a harder skillset to teach and learn. Sometimes you just have to buy a lemon or get stuck in a shitty lease to learn it. The ones that know now fucked up too. It's how humans learn.

Sadly and honestly, new Doms and subs are gonna fuck up. 'What I wish I was told' is a fantasy exercise. Ask yourself if you'd really listen and learn even if you knew. Bad experience is sometimes the best or only teacher. We want to prevent them from happening, but sometimes it's best to just let folks make mistakes, but be there as an experienced guiding hand and support so they can learn from them and not run away hurt and alone.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Jan 17, 2019

@fudbar... Maybe we shouldn't use the words like train or teach. Maybe it should be more on Theclibrary of sharing knowledge or experiences even tips. No we can't do anything about tech stuff because each Dom and each sub are totally different.

I guess I see if Doms share things such basic across the board information it will give subs an idea of what to look . So they won't get caught up with the fakes and scammers. The same with the subs they can help with the newbies about their experiences.

In the short time I've been in the community. Especially here on TheCage I've learned alot by reading blogs and the forums. But could you imagine if I had some directing or offering me sound advice in right direction. It would outstanding to have more personal and life experience knowledge.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 17, 2019

there are many subs/doms here already sharing info such as reading list , links to off cage post that can be helpful, along with blogs and forums here dealing with RL situations and experiences