Your dynamic of bdsm

Your dynamic of bdsm

Jayy146​(sub female) • Feb 7, 2019

Everyone has a different dynamic of bdsm. I find it so fascinating to learn and understand others dynamic. What makes someone want to be so submissive and what makes others want to be dominant. What’s your favorite part of your dynamic? I’m newish here and new to the community, especially within the lifestyle of bdsm. I so far absolutely love it, but I want to hear others opinions on their dynamic. I want to learn more about nonsexual control and learn more about it ( all the stuff outside of the bedroom). Do you do it even in public? How do you incorporate your dynamic in your everyday life?

Tnjoker​(dom male){My Harley} • Feb 7, 2019

Wow lucky Me. First reply. Anyways I only speak for Me personally and lay no claims that anyone else feels remotely like I do. With Me is all about the power exchange. To know that i have found someone that I can connect with on an intellectual level means more to Me then anything that happens in the bedroom. Sex is a reward for Me for reaching a given level with someone. I hope that kinda answers your question if not please let Me know.

Loulou​(sub female) • Feb 7, 2019

I love been submissive, I do have trouble though sometimes and can get too bossy but I am learning
I am not in a dynamic currently but in the past I have enjoyed a D/s relationship where it was mainly bedroom control as out of the bedroom our schedules were too different.
I realise now all dynamics are different and every couple has their own way of making their dynamic right.

Zaramia​(dom female) • Feb 8, 2019

What I love about the D/s dynamic, when I am fully engaged in it?
(I am not currently, and my answer might sound very "vanilla")
I don't know that I "want to be" so submissive - it is a part of the very fiber of my being, and I really don't know anything else. I grew up safe and protected, and free to be soft and loving, trusting and submissive. It's gotten me in trouble, and it's gotten me hurt, but I am still just so optimistic! (I completely wish I was kidding).
I enjoy the way we love and care for one another - the way we communicate so openly and clearly that any choice either of us makes can be trusted to represent the best interests of our life together - For example, if He bought theater tickets, or a car - he considered that I do a lot of city driving, and need to park it, and also that I really, really, love opera - whether he hates it or not. I bought green beans instead of Brussels sprouts today, because, even roasted, he hates little cabbages. Generally, a superhero movie, or broccoli is a sane and consensual middle ground.
I love knowing that if he runs into me while I am out on errands or whatever, he will be pleased with what I am wearing, how I am behaving - the sight of me will give him some warm fuzzies. I love knowing that he's got my back, and he's handling the big picture, which allows me to focus on the little details. He provides a house, and I make it our home. I love that he feels he can invite people for dinner, or accept an invitation, and know I will gracefully accommodate that. He knows I am not going to accept without "Running it by him".
I have the freedom to be exactly who I am, and he has the freedom to be exactly who he is, and we have a dynamic that likely harkens back to "the good old days", which likely were no better than they are today. But, I get to wear stockings, and garters, and button boots and corsets if I feel like it, and he gets to unwrap a gift every day, in me. My first "job skill" is to be pleasing to him. The first item on his "Watch" is me. If he prefers that I meet him at the door, on my knees, with a drink in hand, that's a small thing, really. He considers my preferences when giving rewards, and knows my limits, so a correction is just that, rather than an outright punishment.
He's not going to break me, and I am not going to buck him.
I may get a little bratty, he may speak harshly on occasion, but we both know that the value of a good girl spanking far outweighs that of a bad girl spanking, and we live accordingly.
I face the world knowing that whatever happens, I am safe to be myself. He does the same. At the end of the day, we care for each other in a way that is absolutely transcendent of the outside world and what they think or do. We have whatever rituals or protocols that we have established that allow us to end the day, and be "home" together, wherever that is.
Sexually, I know he is going to push me. I know I am going to love it. I know we will explore. I also know he is never going to break me. I'm his favorite and best toy ever, and he is the absolutely best ever at owning me. He knows I am going to try. I'm always going to do my best. I'm going to obey, and honor, and love, and he is going to honor and love, and give well thought out directions.
It's maybe a little different when you never "snap out of it", but it's glorious if you don't have to.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 8, 2019

What makes me Master identified?

I don't really know. It's how I'm built I guess. I can no more really know that then why I am a dyke.



What is my favorite part of my dynamic?

Service. Hands down. Especially when my love knows me so well that she anticipates my needs.




Do you do it even in public?

Yes. Only a small part of our M/s is in the bedroom. My love drives, calls me by my pet name, and is at my service in public and private.



How do you incorporate your dynamic in your everyday life?


My love has daily tasks that are integrated into our life. My love lays out my clothes, cleans, cooks, does the shopping, and so forth. In our home I am Master.


Something to keep in mind.

A lot of our M/s is very subtle.
A person wouldn't notice it unless they were really paying attention.
My love defers to me.

How she hands me a glass.
How she is attentive.

Sure, there are the negotiations.
But the heart of what we do is in the grey area.
Those times when she could ignore me or not think of my needs but she does anyway.


M/s in our relationship permeates pretty much everything we do.

ropefish • Feb 8, 2019

I love all the answers to this topic!!! I don't have a dynamic right now, but I've learned a lot about myself as a submissive recently so I feel I have something to contribute

I like feeling beneath the person I'm submitting to, specifically by being controlled, used, or manipulated. I like playing with a partner who knows (or picks up on) how to push my buttons, what to say and do to elicit whatever reactions they want from me.

One of my favorite subspaces is objectspace. I like being used as furniture, or a stress ball, or a piece of decor, or whatever it is. When I'm in objectspace, my thoughts are limited to whatever purpose I have, and fulfilling that purpose to the best of my ability is my sole reason for existing.

Puppy play is another one that is not sexual for me. Dogs are blissfully ignorant, they love cuddles and pets, and they're happy as long as they have their owner's attention. They can learn tricks, be walked, and maybe if they're good they will be allowed on the furniture!!! I haven't done as much puppy play as I'd like, but it's anther favorite space for me to be in.

To me, sex is just an extension of a dynamic. Most of the rough or kinky sex I've had has been with people I did not submit to. I'm much more interested in giving control of my mind to someone than just my body - it's more meaningful and intimate that way.

Jayy146​(sub female) • Feb 8, 2019

I love love love your response. I feel the same way and I love puppy play and want to explore it more!!

Re: Your dynamic of bdsm

just james​(dom male) • Feb 8, 2019

The lifestyle has changed so much over the years. When I started being trained as a Dom, in the life I was 10 years old. Ladies did not work. No cell phones or internet. The man was a gentleman in public. Treated a lady as a lady. She obeyed him in all things. She ssstood behind the man in public. He ordered her food, opened the door for her. Others did not speak to the lady unless he gave his lady a gesture to her letting her know it was okay to answer. Never abuse, raise your voice, hit or harm.
Bondage was something that went on in the bedroom, not in clubs. Never, did a Dom loan out his sub. She was faithful. To be collard, was the same thing as a wedding ring.
Over the years, I have watched others twist the life into nothing but kink and bondage. Abolishing all the values that the true life was all about. A movie comes out and all of a sudden, millions are now a Dom or a sub. lol.
IN truth. It takes a true Dom to teach another. Only a true Dom can train and teach someone to be a submissive in the life. Daddy Dom? really? BTW, the movie that came out is the farthest thing from reality I have ever seen. The life is something in secret.
I got on this site out of curiosity. SO far, I have received many emails from ladies being abused and harmed by many men claiming to be a Dom.
Guess my view on this whole thing is it would be nice to get back to the old ways before it got so polluted and twisted. My entire life is a reflection of my beliefs and values in the life and the respect I have for it.

Re: Your dynamic of bdsm

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 8, 2019

You say that implying that what you describe as 'old ways' are gone; the Old Guard community is alive and thriving. Being inclusive of the new doesn't exclude the old. Tolerance for a wide range of roles and lifestyles is rooted in the same respect, honesty and care that the OG community holds in such high esteem.

If your timeline is correct, your description of 1976 is missing a lot of change. The ways that you idolize were being challenged even then. Cell phones and the internet did indeed exist in their infancy, as did other ways and movements in kink. A failure to be aware of or accept change does not make it polluted or twisted.

Yes, there are, have been and will be predators and problems both in online and real life communities. They exist in vanilla too. There is little you can do to prevent idiots from rushing into traps. Good folks get caught up in that too, and honest community members do their best to keep folks aware.

It's an open and honest approach that isn't secret. New or old, good folks care and take care of those around them. There's nothing twisted or polluted about that.

Yes, Daddy Dom.

Edit: punctuation.

Jayy146​(sub female) • Feb 8, 2019

MasterRaith I liked what you had to say although im glad we aren’t just stuck in the old times. Because back then women didn’t have a choice at all. They were forced to be submissive they were told to be submissive and that was it. We now live in a world we’re allowed to choice where we want to be. There are submissive men and dominant females but back then you couldn’t really be those things. I love being submissive but I’m glad it’s my choice and not societies choice.