making new friends in a new state

making new friends in a new state

Emberose​(sub female){X} • May 27, 2019

hello all i am wondering how do you make new friends in a new state when you dont know anything around or anyone and you really can't get out much???

just for ones wondering i'm in Newark Valley New York

Hazel Eyes​(sub female){Lion} • May 27, 2019

Ember,

I moved from one state to another, and it is not easy at first making friends. When I started out at my new job, I would connect with people around the office, chat with them at lunch, get to know them. If you see someone where something nice, ask them about it, where they got it, if they wouldn't mind helping you getting around at the local mall. Maybe grab a late lunch with them and speak together. I also went and spoke to my new neighbors, got to know them as well. Invite them over for dinner or a nice cookout since it is Summer now. Also, I have been going to the same gym for awhile, and made a few friends form there as well. Basically, expose yourself to meeting new people. It's not easy, but hey baby steps are always a plus. I am extremely shy and intimidated by meeting new people, so it was a huge step for me to do any of it. Best of Wishes!

Hazel Eyes

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 27, 2019

The answer to your question is complicated. Making friends is not easy even for the most gregarious, as it involves trusting others, putting in work and giving as much as getting. That holds true in both the vanilla world, as it does in the BDSM world. I have had some success in meeting friends through the internet, however the internet is a world unto its' own and people (as I am sure you already know), are not necessarily who they claim to be. So you must approach it with a degree of caution. I subscribe to the thought process that "if it doesn't feel/seem right it probably isn't" or to put it in other words, "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is."

I have also had some success making vanilla friends through Facebook, by subscribing to groups that mirror my interests and then participating in them. You could also try the chatrooms here, but they do not seem to be all that active...yet? Of course, that presupposes that you are looking for kinky minded friends. In any event, I wish you luck and I hope you find the friends you seek!

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 27, 2019

Hi, im blah blah-
Im new tell me anout the scene here.

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 28, 2019

I'm going out on a limb here and take it you mean how to find lifestyle friends.
Start by finding where they are in your area. Find munches and groups. This site hasn't built up much in posting of events but it's getting there. Search other social sites (Facebook private groups, kik, Fetlife, etc)

You say you cant get out much but start conversations with those near you. Invite them to meet for coffee next time you are able go get out. If you're unable or u willing g to then it really wont matter if they are across the street or across the country...

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 28, 2019

well, dating apps or websites can help you to introduce yourself. Surprising amounts of people are completely content there and simply wish to meet new people. You can also try attending events based around your hobbies. The idea is to be a proactive extrovert about it. In the meantime, Im sure you have some friends online too best not to ignore them!

Lossofalme • May 30, 2019

I wish I knew!

I moved (from Denver to rural upstate NY...aka "closer to Canada than to NYC") and it's been a real challenge. Especially moving from an area where the sheer number of residents meant that there was both an active kink community AND a certain amount of anonymity to a region where the big social thing is church and EVERYONE knows everyone and the gossip network moves like fire.

Did you move for work or school? To be near family? Do you have any hobbies (or want to explore a hobby)? Beginning with more vanilla friendships, work/school/hobby are opportunity rich. Bring coffee or tea to work or to class, or invite people to meet at a coffee shop or book store cafe. If your hobby is something that could be shared... Find a local group that already does it, or start one by letting people know you'd love them to join you (bring a jigsaw puzzle to the park and put up a sign asking for help... visit the SPCA and volunteer to socialize the animals and then chat with the other volunteers about those animals... join a martial art or dance class and invite you fellow students out after class... see if a local craft store offers classes or if the local library has a book club...join a community Facebook page or freecycle page or garden page or parenting page or whatever page you're into to connect digitally).

As those vanilla friendships grow, you'll be in a position to reach out a bit more. Perhaps suggest that the book club read something a little more kink friendly and see if anyone is interested (and then chat privately with those people a bit more) or have that bookstore coffee outing seated by the erotica and see what people say! Maybe wear a t-shirt or wrist cuff or scarf or similar item that might be a bit out there and see who comments. Or grab your courage and tell someone that you like their jewelry or the pin on their backpack or the logo on their work lanyard or t-shirt or phone lock screen image and ask if it means something special to them (I wear a locking wrist cuff and can usually tell where someone is coming from when they comment on it).

Mostly, and I know this is hard, but be yourself. Don't pretend to be something you're not "just" to make connections. Find things that make you happy or strong and then look for people who are attracted to that. I hope you find a lot of joy in your new home, and some true friends as well!