Bunnie
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4 years ago •
Feb 10, 2020
It is very natural to develop feelings in these situations, I agree. I also believe it’s important to be open and honest about that, because imo that’s changing the terms of agreement.
The only thing I can suggest is talking with him about all of these things coming up for you. You are definitely not alone in feeling these worries. I personally see it as quite normal and nothing to fear in yourself. Just because you feel this way, doesn’t mean that what your head is telling you will happen, will happen. Taking your fears (and feelings) to him not only allows him to know what’s going on for you, and where your head is at, it helps to build that little bit more trust and communication. |
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Online now
Island girl(sub female){Yes owned.}
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4 years ago •
Feb 10, 2020
I guess it is really a question of what you have negotiated with him. I think it comes down to (as someone else said) communication.
I came into my relationship knowing that Master had another slave and that they were swingers. If I wanted to be with them, I had to adapt to that lifestyle. Master is free to do whatever He wants. I do what He tells me to. That being said, it was all negotiated upfront. I started with a one-month and then a 6-month contract I think before I moved to Hawaii. Contracts are a great platform for finding out what people's preferences and requirements are, and, in the beginning, starting with a one month or so contract might be a good idea. It can be whatever you want it to be. This is YOUR chance at negotiation for what you want or need in the relationship because that's what it is. Until You have that agreement or contract in place, you are your own person, and so is your partner. Don't forget that. Frankly, I think that vanilla relationships would work much better if they even considered this type of negotiation up front! |
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Island girl(sub female){Yes owned.}
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4 years ago •
Feb 10, 2020
I guess it is really a question of what you have negotiated with him. I think it comes down to (as someone else said) communication.
I came into my relationship knowing that Master had another slave and that they were swingers. If I wanted to be with them, I had to adapt to that lifestyle. Master is free to do whatever He wants. I do what He tells me to. That being said, it was all negotiated upfront. I started with a one-month and then a 6-month contract I think before I moved to Hawaii. Contracts are a great platform for finding out what people's preferences and requirements are, and, in the beginning, starting with a one month or so contract might be a good idea. It can be whatever you want it to be. This is YOUR chance at negotiation for what you want or need in the relationship because that's what it is. Until You have that agreement or contract in place, you are your own person, and so is your partner. Don't forget that. Frankly, I think that vanilla relationships would work much better if they even considered this type of negotiation up front! |
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SSG{ENM-TLP}
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4 years ago •
Feb 10, 2020
Kare, I am going to be posting a blog post today about this very thing, so I won't go into detail here yet. One thing I will mention, that isn't included in my blog post, is some dominants want to share their love of the lifestyle. I once dated a Rigger. He is passionate about rope. He admitted to being sexually aroused by tying women, although he wouldn't act on it, but he wouldn't have been able to work out his love for rope with just me. He needed more people to tie. He never said that in so many words, and he did offer me the opportunity to be present for a lot of those close to me. He even gave me the chance to be his rope bunny in cases of demonstrations, which he was most interested in. He and I didn't work out for unrelated reasons, but perhaps your dom is only wanting to share the experience with a newbie. There is excitement in knowing someone is green in kink. Experiencing that amazement in sub space. My only concern about it would be, if you do have feeling for him that you don't want to share, aftercare is generally quite intimate. So, this sounds like a poly situation. He's being very "ethical" by notifying you about her. You need to decide if that is going to be for you.
All of that said, I would caution you on allowing your feelings to continue to develop without having a serious conversation. If it is merely domination, then be willing to have a great time and keep the feelings in that sub space zone. If you are in love with him, it is important to have that conversation sooner than later. Hugs! ssg{MJS} |
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Lossofalme
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4 years ago •
Feb 11, 2020
I'm going to join Team Communication. It may be uncomfortable, but ask to meet with him someplace neutral/semi public (a coffee shop, diner, library, mall, etc) and then go over everything you've told us here. Write it down and read it to him, if that helps, but let him know that you're developing (or have already developed) an emotional attachment that goes further than you expected and you're not sure how you feel about what they two of you share/what you want to share.
It sounds to me as if this particular Dom enjoys teaching and guiding submissives into the BDSM community. That doesn't mean he doesn't also enjoy the ongoing journey the two of you have together, but... When you met two years ago, had he already established himself as a Dom with a teaching or instructional focus? Were you the first submissive he taught, or were there others? It's he poly? Does he expect you to play exclusively with him, or is this more of a "just play" relationship that is open but becoming more emotional on your side? Those are all things to ask him. Because he may have no idea that this is worrying you or that you want more (or maybe not "more" but rather something "different") and until you tell him... He can't address your fears or explain his actions in a way that will help you grow (and it sounds like he really enjoys helping you grow!  )
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kare(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 11, 2020
SensualSubGirl...
I will read your blog...i have kept my feelings to myself and in that subzone...maybe i gave or showed him that i didnt care about the relationship and that it was just sex....he is a rigger too...and i very much enjoy being his rope bunny... |
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kare(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 11, 2020
Lossofalme...
I was not his first submissive...when we first sat down and talked about what was expected he had me fill out a questionaire of my likes and dislikes...my limits...etc...it was discussed that we would not be exclusive...so i guess you could say that it was just a "play" relationship but has gotten more emotional on my part...he may have had others in the 2 years we have been together and has not told me.... I guess it will all down to me communicating these feelings to him. Thank you. |
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Lossofalme
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4 years ago •
Feb 11, 2020
I think that just sitting down and discussing how you feel/what you're worried about is going to be a HUGE step forward.
I don't think he sees you as "less" than he did, or that you've somehow sent a signal that this relationship "isn't important," or that you've done anything "wrong"...I really think that you're just on different pages in terms of what you have together and that discussing this will help both of you (because I can't believe he'd want you to worry or feel uncertain). I'll be honest, the discussion might not bring the answers you want. But at least you'll know. And that will give you the ability to move forward with confidence. |
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IowaDom(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Feb 12, 2020
A question ... was being poly discussed? I for one, never mind the potential health concerns, have never found myself able to be poly, not even in my youth, I dated 1 and only 1 person at a time. Such is true of my Dom self. Now as to date, I have not found the true D/s Dynamic in my life yet, I came close recently, but alas, back to the search for me.
That being said, when I do find her, and our dynamic clicks, I know that I will be very protective of it, and fiercely loyal to it. For me, and yes, only for me, I do not speak for others, I could NEVER allow another into the dynamic, it is not who I am, and from what I am reading, it is not who you are either. IMHO - there are some things that should never be shared .... but thats just me |
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kare(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Feb 12, 2020
IowaDom...
Being poly was never discused....what was discused was that is was ok to do our own thing...in the begining i saw and dated ohers but as time went on i just wasnt finding that connection that i was having with him....i dont bombard him with messages every day...he keeps his life seperate from me...but i have developed feelings for him that i have not shared with him...he has said that he does not want any drama,confusion or hurt feelinngs...so that is why i am hesitant to share how i am feeling... |
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