Why it so hard to find a true Dominant?

TakenLower • Nov 20, 2017

Yeah, and that’s why they’re beating down the
door.

You treat them like a person before an object. It’s not rocket science.

Hawkeye • Nov 20, 2017

Yes it is why. For the true ones that is.

TakenLower • Nov 21, 2017

You’re very cute when you show your claws, kitten.

Hawkeye • Nov 21, 2017

Maybe one day, if you behave, you will be lucky enough to find out.

K y i v • Nov 21, 2017

Ahh the twue Dom..... most likely seen behind a gaming rig in moms basement..

VictorEBond​(dom male) • Nov 22, 2017

My sub joined this site yesterday, and has already received almost 30 messages, without having listed any profile information. I joined about an hour before she did--my inbox is empty, but that's pretty much par for the course. There are droolers on every fetish site, and they flock to new subs like flies to...well, you know.

I'm sure you understand that there are lot of people with D/s fantasies, many arrived at through porn or romance novels (like 50 Shades--certifiably awful fiction, but it sparked a huge interest among latent submissive women, curiosity-seekers, etc). Fantasy isn't reality (duh). When I first discovered my..."proclivities," I was of the firm belief that actual, non-professional subs did not exist in real life, and back then the internet hadn't been invented yet. And while there are some fashion-model or beefcake types who are actual amateur players, most are not at all like what you find in the pornos--they're regular people of all ages, shapes, and sizes, looking for everything from casual play to LTRs.

And there are a lot of guys with no experience (some who've never been with a woman at ALL, kink aside) who flock to these sites thinking "submissive" means "easy," who have no clue how to approach this problem--they think they have to come off like General Zod in the old Superman movies--"bow, yield, kneel, bitch!" And just like Lex Luthor says, in real life "that kinda stuff closes out of town!" Since they've never met or conversed with an actual submissive woman, they have no idea what she wants.

So you're going to have to weed through a LOT of messages. If you've been at it a while, you already know which ones you're going to "Biz bag" as soon as you open them. Or, if you have a VERY high tolerance for frustration, and get a message that is at least slightly intriguing, you can try to coax a newbie into slowing down, taking a breath, and MAYBE nurture a new worthwhile dom--I used to be a newbie too, and I made my share of embarrassing overtures before finally settling down and realizing it's just like getting to know a vanilla woman. Some of the ones who seem awful at first are actually nice guys with a fetish--though it can be infuriating separating the wheat from the chaff.

We (doms--I don't know if I know what "true" means--that's different for everybody) do exist. It takes time and patience.

Look for a guy who will talk to you about vanilla topics first--somebody who is interested in getting to know you as a person. That's not a guarantee of finding a good match, but it's where I'd start. A real dom will go slowly--D/s is a shared experience--and will want to know a LOT about your fantasies, your personal quirks, what you're like as a person, what you look for in just...a man. Even if it's just for no-strings play, a real dom wants to know what turns your crank, because he's interested in turning YOU on--that's how he gets HIS jollies, usually. If it ain't good for both of you, it ain't good period.

So look for somebody who'll be patient, and avoid anyone who's too anxious to jump in full-throttle. An experienced dom knows it takes a while to understand who he's dealing with--and sometimes, after talking to you for a while, may decide you're not a good prospect (it happens).

If you're persistent enough, you'll find somebody. Then you have to deal with Real Time, a whole 'nuther kettle 'o fish. Read JackMeOff987's post, above, and be prepared to take appropriate safety precautions. KievaMadRussian also has some good advice.

Villanelle​(staff) • Nov 22, 2017

Don't forget..if someone sends you harassing messages, unsolicited nude photos, etc. go to their profile and hit "ignore". Then screenshot and report any behaviour that violates our Community Standards. You don't have to tolerate rude behaviour just because this is a BDSM community. And feel free to contact us. We're here to help.

mrr777 • Nov 22, 2017

its life people, you can talk to hundreds and weed out the bs ones. i find most (Dom or sub) are only freaking when they post an ad.

Patience, communication, and respect

WickedLeo​(sadist male){F.E.A.R} • Nov 29, 2017

I have read most of the post here and they all hit one alot of very good points. I did want to clarify though to those reading it is ok to express your wants, needs, and desires, be honest and open about them no matter how big or small,

When it come to people claiming dominant/master/owner/sub/slave/property realized that no one is perfect so dont expect perfect, those are all title that we see ourselves at and continue to work towards.

If you dont know for sure try reading and talking to people in the lifestyle, then discover yourself, once you are confident in what you want in life, then seek that which you seek to help fullfil your life, dont expect then to magically make you, you... that should have already been in place before you started looking.

And do avoid fake people, who want instant satisfaction... yeah if you are hot for each other thats one thing, but a so called dom to expect everything in one meeting, warning, warning is wanting to get laid and do everything in one night. Patience people id you are building a RELATIONSHIP, hint hint, those things will come and mean more once the trust, understanding, and an agreement has been formulated to accompany but parties, example: i am a dom who will seek a submissive, who i see myself is a master/owner, so i work towards that, express my views and needs to those i consider to desire to accompany on my journey. But for now i am single, how can you claim to be master, when you no one has given you that authority, as i said avoid self procaimed titles, they may have in the past but that is the past, who are they now?? Starting over thats what.... seek those who will elevate you, and desire to help you reach what you seek, and visa versa then you will grow together through the phases of your lives, titles, responsibilites, etc, etc...... nothing is made over night. Fun is just fun, this lifestyle is totally different and consuming....

If all you want is to just get laid and want to be physical, just be honest and express your needs, stop making the rest of us in the lifestyle look bad... makes us all look like a band of BDSM freaks, user and abusers..... freaky people maybe, but anyways.... enough of me rambling back to the post....


Ok back to the agreement, no matter how it is written, if you both agree and are willing commit to staying committed to your said agreement, then no one will lose, eventually both of you will not need for anything in the end, and you will grow together, become closer, and take care of each other.. ok enough for now, love to all my freaky peepz, keep it real.

WickedLeo​(sadist male){F.E.A.R} • Nov 29, 2017

Warning typos, wont let me edit anymore lol