Sammi Babi UwU(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Mar 31, 2020
Sex/Pain/Pleasure
I'm new to this. So, I'm not sure why sometimes going into the bedroom I want to be tied up, whipped, spoken down to, and slapped. All of these combined make me feel like I'm blasting into space.
Other times, a simple tiny slap on my rear will hurt not only my skin, but also my feelings, and turn me off. I'll need 100% vanilla. This sends my already skeptic husband and sometimes myself into world of confusion. Am I doing something wrong here? |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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4 years ago •
Mar 31, 2020
I don't think your doing anything wrong. In fact you've spotted that, they are different for you. Thats a good thing. Pains like stubbing a toe, its not always sexy! the right place at the right time is needed.
Just keep talking to your partner. Verbalize what your thinking and feeling until he learns to read your body's responses or until you figure out your triggers for the good type of pain. BDSM can sometimes be two steps forward and one step back. Even on the step back its not wrong. You still moving TOGETHER! Hang in there it will get easier to find patterns to what triggers your reactions. Just keep talking (and remember to hear your partner too and not just listen to him) You'll figure it out 
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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4 years ago •
Apr 1, 2020
I have to agree with MissBonnie. Communication is key here. Open, honest communication.
Keep at it, and you'll find your own natural ebb and flow.
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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4 years ago •
Apr 1, 2020
I've thought this topic over a bit more, and realized that, perhaps, an example may be helpful.
De and I found ourselves in similar circumstatnces on occasion. While neither of us really enjoyed pain, she had a very swattable butt; and enjoyed my ownership over her. I once told her that she earned herself 10 swats a day, just due to her overall snarkiness. One day, I came up behind her and gave her a swat; she wasn't, mentally or emotionally, ready for it and reacted much as you described here. I realized that I needed to be able to better "read" her. We instituted a protocol. Instead of "jumping in" and swatting away, I'd give her a nice mild swat, no pain at all, more like a pat. If she wanted more than that, she could either ask, or non-verbally, just push her rump into my hand. In this manner, and over time, I learned her body language better, and was able to judge when she needed a pat and a hug, or something more. At this point, the protocol became unnecessary. Hope this helps. |
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No Body(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Apr 1, 2020
Being brought up in a world that tells you spankings are punishment and not play your finding yourself split between both worlds. You at times want one but live in the other. Sometime it is hard to find your way at first but given time you will. Take it slow and find you way. New things you will find scary but so want to try at times. Try a little of everything till you find out what you like and who you are.
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Jolene(sub female){PapaBear}
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4 years ago •
Apr 1, 2020
Similar to what skyrich said, I give D signals so he knows when to be rough and when to be sweet.
"I'm feeling regressed today," means I'm feeling young and sensitive, be gentle with me. No hitting or sharp words, even playfully. I like being called a dirty bitch, but in this mindset, I'll cry if I'm called that. Hitting hurts me and I feel like when he's being rough, I did something wrong. "I'm feeling distant/disconnected," means that I want to be roughed up. Push me onto the bed, roll me onto my stomach, shove my face into the mattress, call me names. If I'm taking a bath, shove me under the water for a bit and then pull me up and kiss me hard. Grab my hair when I'm walking away in a huff. This is when I need to see that he notices me. I need to feel our energies coming alive again. "I'm feeling froggy/bratty," means I want attention or to play fight, let's wrestle or play a game together or play pranks on each other. I want my friend and I want to see that steel patience while I do everything in my power to break it. "I'm feeling depressed," means that I'm emotionally unwell and I need looser expectations and more help. I'll need physical pain, but in an intimate way. Biting, grabbing hair, gripping my skin. Spanking on these days can't be the start. It has to be the finisher and followed by A LOT of aftercare. When I can't verbalize it, D can usually tell how I'm feeling by how I'm dressing or acting, but I'm usually pretty good at verbalizing how I'm feeling and what I need. The hard part is determining what you need, when, and why. |
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ThirtyFourPointFive
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4 years ago •
Apr 3, 2020
You.. MissBonnie wrote: I don't think your doing anything wrong. In fact you've spotted that, they are different for you. Thats a good thing. Pains like stubbing a toe, its not always sexy! the right place at the right time is needed.
Just keep talking to your partner. Verbalize what your thinking and feeling until he learns to read your body's responses or until you figure out your triggers for the good type of pain. BDSM can sometimes be two steps forward and one step back. Even on the step back its not wrong. You still moving TOGETHER! Hang in there it will get easier to find patterns to what triggers your reactions. Just keep talking (and remember to hear your partner too and not just listen to him) You'll figure it out You are such a nice, smart woman! |
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House Talion(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Apr 4, 2020
You just simply have your way of things n your husband needs to understand that when you want to submit you will and when you just want rough sex CAN happen, and when you want romance then its it his best judgement to give you what you want as your feeling it which is why I've always said that at times it seems the s has more power than the d, but when hes in the mood then you should submit
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Miki(masochist female)
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4 years ago •
Apr 4, 2020
I can't contribute much here as I am absolutely not monogamous.. But I have "hot and cold" times where one day I want to be, as you said, tied up, whipped, called all kinds of things-- but other times I just want to talk to someone who would otherwise be a sex partner (Meaning not just work mates or old school chums-- someone who would usually bang the shit out of me except for 'just this once')
Hard to explain, but I feel ya. And as Miz Bonnie wrote, communicate your feelings. If you dom/domme is worthy, they'll listen. Wish I could help more.. MIKI |
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