Run away

Run away

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 11, 2020

Disclaimer: I write from the perspective and world-view of an alpha male hetero dominant, in a TPE 24/7 RL live-in relationship. If that's not your reality, that's OK. Your mileage may vary. I don't mean to disparage any other lifestyle and I'm not saying this is the "Right Way(tm)" for everyone. It is, however the "Right Way(tm)" for me. So, please take it in that vein.

I've had many girls, over the years, figuratively, (and in one case literally), throw themselves at me without knowing much about me at all. Oh, they read some of my posts, and skimmed my profile, but didn't at all try to invest any effort trying to actually know me. They were enamored of the idea of submission in general and the idea of submitting to me, specifically. They thought I could complete them, fulfill them, or make them finally happy, perhaps, or maybe they just wanted to play a game.

No man can complete you, fulfill you or make you happy. You have to do that yourself. Likewise no woman completes me, I'm not a fixer-upper. What a dom and sub can do for each other is compliment each other. And, by this, I don't mean: "Your hair is lovely tonight" *, I mean complimentary attributes, styles, opinions, and most importantly world-views. A dom and a sub, (in fact a man and a woman), are not equals, they are equitable, there's a subtle difference. "Equal" as any mathematician will tell you means: "same as". Clearly, men and women, doms and subs are not "same as". And, the world would be insufferably dull and boring if they were. This doesn't imply that a sub is somehow less than a dom, or that a woman is somehow less that a man, any more than an apple is less than an orange. Different doesn't mean "less than". Each has value, each brings something to the relationship table.

A few new subs have asked my advice on how they should approach a man and beg his collar. So be it, here's my advice:

RUN AWAY. Run fast, run far. Don't stop, don't look behind you. Don't pass "GO", just RUN. Don't beg a collar because you think it would be fun. Don't even do it because you're madly in love. Do it because you can't do anything else, because your head, and mind, are in agreement, that this is the man who has so thoroughly captured your heart and your mind, that to be without him is just simply unthinkable.

My father's best advice to me, (which at age 22, I ignored -- the foolishness of youth), was: "Don't marry the woman that you're in love with. Marry the woman you cannot be without."

<impersonation mode="Ferris Bueller">
What? You're still reading? You should be RUNNING.
</impersonation>

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* Although such things should be said to each other on a regular basis, don't get me wrong.

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 11, 2020

It is said in a song "i'm a work in progress" . Well at my age I do not know if they have the materials to fix me up or if I should just start all over. I guess I will just keep on remodeling as I doubt I could find the starting point again. Well lets face it clran up would be a mater for a government super fund.

Why is it so many just want to belong to someone and not know them. It's like being on a one night stand and falling in love before the sex. I am willing to share my life and collar but only once I share my heart. That will take time and I have plenty of thet to give.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 13, 2020

It strikes me that if a sub is begging for a collar, and not the person attached to it they will ALWAYS feel like something is missing.....because it is. A real connection. If all you want is the collar, then go pick one out for yourself and put it on. If you are looking for a real dynamic with another person, then treat them as a whole person and don't try to force them to fit your version of what you think you need. Take them as they are and go from there.

Re: Run away

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 13, 2020

^^This^^

i have developed some theories after leaving a religious life, that patriarchy has infiltrated much of culture and influences us subtly and overtly. i know, "patriarchy" has become one of those all encompassing blame words, but there is truth be seen. i believe patriarchy is fine, where it fits, but believe it has been forced into culture in general and fails against nature.

The religion i was raised in conditioned me to believe i was broken because i'm gay. It conditioned that, essentially, men are Dom, women sub. Of course, most on this site no better. But i believe a lot of the subtle residue that many have is the expectations that grew out of religious conditioning. E.g., monogamy, and many of the notions that grow out of it, feed the notion that one person can complete you. From that comes the expectation that you can satisfy me and it's your role to do so. If it's not in ones nature to do so (for instance, maybe a Domme by nature woman stuck in a culturally conditioned relationship that requires She sub because She is a woman), all sorts of distortions arise.

i believe one of those "distortions" is the idea that relationship is built on sacrifice or compromise. As a consequence, relationship becomes quid pro quo and no one is truly getting what their natures need, it's a form of role play vs real. If instead, we learned from an early age how to see and identify who and how we are vs who and how we should be, we would achieve a certain amount of self knowledge and the life long skill of self discovery. With self knowledge we could then base relationship on chemistry (i.e., "complimentary") instead of quid pro quo.

Nature at it's simplest level demonstrates that opposites attract and bond (i.e. "chemistry"). Of course, humans are much more complex than ions, with thoughts and emotions and sexuality. Human 'chemical' bonds are a lot more complex (and a lot more fun me thinks). i believe if we worked with nature and looked for compatibility in our relationships, they'd be a lot more successful, that we'd form satisfying and lasting bonds.

i believe having a mate who's needs and wants nurture your needs and wants (and vice versa) is complimentary because it is based on knowledge and understanding. Of course, nothing is 100%, but it probably wouldn't need to be if we knew and practiced compatibility.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 13, 2020

@ Skyrich,
Your father is a very wise man. My hat is off to him.