Consensual?

Consensual?

Curious Raven​(other female) • Apr 14, 2020

How does the concept of informed consent relate to being upfront and honest about relationship status? If I feel strongly about limiting my intimate relationships (kinky or vanilla, IRL or online) to people who are not married or in committed relationships, and someone lies about their relationship status, does that violate the principle of informed consent? Or does informed consent only apply to physical acts?

Thoughts?

“From “What is SSC?”
The “consensual” box is, on the surface at least, a fairly easy one to tick. So long as you make sure that everyone involved in any scene, relationship or event has given enthusiastic and informed consent to what is going on, then you’re in the clear. Do make sure, however, that it is INFORMED consent – meaning that the person must know what it is they’re agreeing to before making a decision. Consent applies to both dominant and submissive parties, and can be revoked at any time – and similarly it needs to be reconfirmed on a regular basis. Just because something was okay last week, doesn’t mean it will be again this week.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 14, 2020

For myself I need all parties to be 100% open and honest, transparency is a must and no hidden intent or addenda .
If a partner is married. I would be fine with him/her married ***IF*** s/he is 100% transparent about the secondary relationship with me, with the partner.

Since your EG is hetero, I'll answer as that....If I cant call his home or his cell openly and honestly, if I cant talk to his partner openly and honestly, I don't want to be a part of that. BDSM is about trust and honesty, if someone struggles with that BASIC tenant and premise of BDSM, what else would I be lied to about?

In short his partner ALSO NEEDS TO CONSENT TO WHAT IS GOING ON. I'm Femdom, Femdom is Female is female in charge! It is empowering the Female. There is no way I would ever take away another woman right of having a voice in her primary relationship either knowingly or unknowingly.

Bunnie • Apr 14, 2020

MissBonnie has perfectly articulated anything I would want to say, just wanted to add...

not only is it violating that basic tenant of BDSM, it is also blatantly disregarding something you have shared as one of your limits.

Re: Consensual?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 14, 2020

If someone is purposely hiding from you, i don't believe you really have relationship with that person in a holistic sense, at best, only a part of them. It's a big question because no one enters a relationship knowing everything about them. Part of what happens in relationship is self discovery in reflection with an intimate. But that's probably to nitty gritty. Stuff like: "oh, i have a deadly disease and i'm going to die in a week" or "i have a SO" are pretty defining, those are things that one has to purposely lie about, so the person is building on a deception from the start.

i believe to lie about relationship status pretty clearly violates the "informed" part of consent. From what you say, you would not consent to a relationship with someone who is not transparent and open about their relationship status.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2020

My wife is in a relationship with a guy that has the understanding that we're getting a divorce. That's not the case. Informed consent for us is that we're not, but I allow him to think we are while she says nothing of it as though his insight doesnt matter

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2020

My last marriage was full of lies. I have secrets that must be buried with going back more than 40 years. This does not mean I lie about them it just I keep the hidden. Lies never stay hidden they want to be seen and need to be in the light. To lie is to cheat and to cheat is to deny what feelings you have for both of those you are with. If your married with a sub and neither know about the other you are telling the world your love is not real for either. Love should never be hidden. It grows in the light for all to see. Just as lies grow in the darkness envious of love for being in the light. The truth hurts when it is first covered by a lie but the lie will kill when brought out into the light.

I want full understanding before a friendship is started. Everything open where there will be hurt feelings and no lies. This way we start on a foundation that is firm and can't be shaken.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Apr 16, 2020

Right on! When you reach a certain point in life, it’s complicated. It may take time to reveal all...but a fundamental honesty is the basis of a healthy, respectful relationship. And as a woman, I want to give my sisters the respect they deserve.

Truer words were never uttered.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 16, 2020

[/quote] Lies never stay hidden. If your married and with a sub and neither know about the other you are telling the world your love is not real for either. Love should never be hidden.[/quote]

SR, you are absolutely spot on. Not only will the lie come to the surface eventually, but the trust required for a relationship like this will be forever compromised. How can a sub choose to really submit to someone when she doesn't have complete trust? She may bend her knee when he tells her, but she will doubt everything he does and says for the remainder of their relationship. That is not real submission.

It reminds me of the kid in school who is standing on his chair so the teacher makes him sit in the corner. He tells her, "I may be sitting on the outside, but I am standing on the inside."

Agree!!

JoyBoxxe​(sub female) • Apr 16, 2020

Nice jobs all on consent & trust.. all sessions should be negotiated before even meeting anyone!!
Yes clear consent, no lies, trust is crucial in this world of fetish life.
Been in this life for over 27 yrs... my last Master was my husband, who we lost serving his country.
Now, I am a professional RN of 34 yrs, looking but not desperate nor will tolerate CYBER DOMS or BULLS run over me.
Still have many many Masters & Dominatrix who are my dear friends & give me great advice...
Peace to all on this site.
#STAYINPLACE... please or we in the ER are able to save all.
Joy...

Sir Rod​(dom male){Looking fo} • Apr 24, 2020

Joy, I also agree with you. Every group of sessions should be discussed to ensure that the truth and the honesty is there and the comfort is felt in both partners minds.