"Some day your Prince(ss) will come...."

"Some day your Prince(ss) will come...."

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 22, 2020

i see this comment, notion, in various forms, all the time. Someone posts about their failed relationship or frustrated search for a mate, and inevitably another responds with the presumed encouragement that a mate worthy of them, one who will meet their needs and desires, is out there and will manifest as some point.

It seems a popular notion that there is someone for everyone, or that given time and effort, a 'worthy' mate will present. i'd like to hear/read others views on this. Is it something just thoughtlessly said, like: "have a nice day?"

Do you believe there is someone/s out there for everyone? If so, why? How do you think finding a mate/attraction works? Do you believe there's some magical force that brings people together? Is it a numbers game? A combination of magic and work? How do you think it works/happens, and why do you believe the way you do?

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2020

I do indeed believe there is someone for everyone, for me, I must believe in it, or why else am I on this journey to find it? But .. that being said, I also beleive that societal norms and dictations of wat is or is not ok, compounded by our own blindness can prevent us from even seeing that person. We tend to build up an image in our minds of them, then start to measure all our contacts to that fantasy.

Sadly, it is the very vanilla programming we left behind that normally complicates our search, and no, I do not hold myself above this. But the things we use as qualifiers or rather disqualifiers might just be letting your true dynamic slip right past you, unnoticed and unrealized.

I wrote a kinda lengthy blog on this some time back actually, but imho, the 3 things that are the most overused are: General Appearance, Age, and our prior history. I wonder how many of us would trade the time we have spent searching and disqualifying potential partners, for one fourth of that time in a true BDSM dynamic, knowing up front that GOd would take them from us after that.

IMHO, the true dynamic isn't about using your senses (sight, touch, smell, hear) it's about using your heart and soul to find, match, and join with the one who you complete, and completes you (and yes there is give / take / compromise) on both sides to get there!)

just my 2 or 509 cents worth .. lol

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Jun 22, 2020

Well for us, we happened to be at the same time/same place kinda thing. He is nothing like I would normally have chosen, nor am I what was his typical choice. Yet, we clicked immediately, and fell completely hook, line and sinker - mind, heart and soul.

Is it magic? Well no, but perhaps something "someone" else engineered. A higher power that Iowa Dom mentioned? Maybe. It made no sense for either of us to be even looking seriously at each other's profiles. Yet we did...and how were we at the same place at the same time? Makes no sense.

Yes, I do believe there is someone for everybody. Numbers game? I don't think so. He was only the second one that I talked to here on the Cage. He had talked to three before me. So, for us it is not numbers.

For me, I have to be interested in his mind, soul and heart before anything further can happen. It's not a physical thing. It's a mental connection.

Why do I believe? We started as LDR, we now live together. Four months so far and intend forevermore.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jun 22, 2020

put it down on paper like sir did for us
put down your needs in your profile putting up your physic profile leaves to much gray to look into
then put your wants (things you want to try) with your sir.
finally put down your limits. (but don't be surprised when they drop off this list once you find the right one)
this goes for both Dom and sub

you will find from this point the rest is talk and listen and understanding.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2020

I do not believe that there is "That special one for you" out there.
And before I get tackled and jumped on - "You don't know what you're talking about"
"You just haven't found them yet"

Please note this is merely my opinion. Nothing more.

This line of thinking often falls in beside "He/She is the perfect person." when nobody is perfect. Usually people who follow those lines of thinking have a much more difficult time finding love or companionship. I feel that "That special one just for you" is more a romanticized way of trying to fit a square piece into a round hole. It's a form of self-sabotage to a degree.


Any form of relationship takes work, dedication, and primarily - EFFORT to cultivate, nourish, and grow. Be it friendship, romance, family, or work type relationships. All of them still take work. I think a lot of people who see happy couples, happy families, etc- they only see the happiness shining through. They don't get to see the struggles, strife, or teamwork that goes into it.
It's the same for any success, really. The happiness you see is just the tip of the iceberg.

But I digress.

Don't get me wrong. It's much easier to form a relationship with someone there's likenesses and compatibility with.
No, I haven't found the perfect one for me. My Prince(ss).

Because I'm wanting to help build that person up to be the best they can. I'm going to work with them side by side to help build something that's for just us. That's what I think makes each relationship unique and beautiful in it's own way. ((Special snowflakes, d'awww~))

Mr E​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2020

The more you learn and grow the more you adjust what is important to you. The people you may have looked for initially may not be the people you end up looking for, so the pool can often be ever changing, and that gives you a chance.

Hard things dissuade people well enough without adding to it, so I choose to comfort and be optimistic. Unless a person is looking for something extremely niche, than on a place like his with like minded people, I really think there is a great chance for everyone. Some people will search for longer, but with effort, hope and reasonable compromise over time, it should be possible, even probable.

Maybe I'm too much of an optimist, but it helps in this situation!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 22, 2020

Wow, so many wonderful, thoughtful responses. Thank you all. my question is not intended as a challenge or bait, as though i have a 'right' answer, rather an opportunity for discussing and, hopefully, better understanding.



What i read here is you consider the fact that you search (or feel compelled to search?) as the reason you "must believe" there is "someone for everyone?" But, you add we social norms interfere... and "blindness." Why do you believe people are blind to seeing their 'someone"? What do you believe causes that?

Grey Eyes wrote:
"Is it magic? Well no, but perhaps something "someone" else engineered. A higher power that Iowa Dom mentioned? Maybe. It made no sense for either of us to be even looking seriously at each other's profiles. Yet we did...and how were we at the same place at the same time? Makes no sense."

So, you believe in a "someone else" or overall engineer, 'intelligent design' who has chosen? or designated? (don't want to put words in your mouth) a fitting mate? If so, can you explain what you attribute that belief too? Where the belief came from?

TheChimera wrote:
"I do not believe that there is "That special one for you" out there. And before I get tackled and jumped on - "You don't know what you're talking about"
"You just haven't found them yet" ... I feel that "That special one just for you" is more a romanticized way of trying to fit a square piece into a round hole. It's a form of self-sabotage to a degree...Any form of relationship takes work, dedication, and primarily - EFFORT to cultivate, nourish, and grow...Don't get me wrong. It's much easier to form a relationship with someone there's likenesses and compatibility with."

You'll get no jumping or tackling, not from this quarter anyway. If i read you right, you believe relationship comes "primarily" from "work." Yet you seem to also toss "compatibility" into the mix as well. What do you believe initiates a relationship? Not sure if my question is well put here, i want to understand what you believe attracts two people to each other initially? I.e., before the work and effort happens to cultivate? To what do you attribute that attraction and what kind of weight (if any) do you put on it and why?

MrE wrote:
"Hard things dissuade people well enough without adding to it, so I choose to comfort and be optimistic. Unless a person is looking for something extremely niche, than on a place like his with like minded people, I really think there is a great chance for everyone. Some people will search for longer, but with effort, hope and reasonable compromise over time, it should be possible, even probable. "

If i read this right, you seem to agree with TheChimera... that finding a mate is more a product of "effort" and putting oneself in a social setting with similar peeps to increase the 'probability" of that happening? What do you consider "reasonable compromise?"

Thank you for participating in this discussion everyone.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 22, 2020

You seem to go in the direction of "effort" or "work" on this one? I.e., do the work of putting yourself out 'there' in a place where people similar to you meet, giving others a way to see those parts of you that are important to relationship, and hopefully thereby attract them.

Mr E​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2020

Yes, thats along the lines what I believe.

Reasonable compromise - its not very likely that we will find 100% compatibility. You have to be prepared to make some adaptations to your desires to incorporate those from a partner you think will be right for you. I never like to feel I'm imprinting my own fantasies over another person, more that its an organic joining of two desires along common threads.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 22, 2020

This resonates with me in many ways. i try to practice never being an absolutist, but i come close to saying one will absolutely never find 100% comparability with someone lol.

The way i see it is we are like ions floating around, some negatively charged others positively (yin/Yang?) and when we happen to come into each others space, we naturally attract, and maybe bond. Without getting too nerdy, there are some bonds that are stronger than others. i don't think we are equal to ions, unlike ions, we have feelings and thoughts and sex to complicate the process (maybe ions have that too and we just don't have a big enough microscope to see it?). Anyway, i do believe human attraction is a force of nature (to be reckoned with?), with said complexities.

On the other hand, there seems to also be 'magic' (for lack of a better term) in my life. i used to have a profile on OKCupid, before it was "stolen" (who steals profiles?). Okay, it was more like a mini series, but in it i quipped under secrets you'd never tell anyone (right?): "i pray to my ceiling fan." It was my way of acknowledging i think i perceive something beyond or 'other' out there, but cannot begin to label or define it. i sure cannot nail 'it' down enough to attribute finding a mate to whatever 'it' is participation or intervention, nor do i rely on 'it' for relationship.

i appreciate what sir james ladies wrote. To me, a big part of finding a successful relationship is self knowledge, the ability to articulate who you are, your needs and wants, and then the willingness to be vulnerable... put yourself out there. Reasoning, how can someone be attracted to someone who they cannot see? To me, part of self knowledge is knowing the stuff that is 'vitally' important to who you are and the stuff you can compromise.

To me, a successful bond is one that is formed between the compatible 'vitally important" attributes. In BDSM speak i see our 'kinks' as those attributes. i see some as vitally important others as less so, and others remain to be discovered in relationship.

i appreciate and believe, your not liking to "feel [you're] imprinting [your] own fantasies over another person" speaks to a vital (and mature) ingredient when building a relationship, i.e., the lasting bonds are natural "organic joining of two (symbiotic?) desires along common threads" vs a forced combining like oil and water shaken together.