Real Time and Online : What's your prefence and why?

Baedrinsub​(sub male) • Jun 12, 2020

For me, the appeal of an online-only type relationship is due to my marital/family status. As much as I would love to be able to fully embrace the BDSM lifestyle, I cannot do that. I've been married for over 30 years and it's bad enough that I am totally unable to sexually satisfy my wife. To add a physical relationship to another person would be totally unfair to her. Unfortunately for me, she views my submissive nature and need for degradation with disgust. Literally. When she caught me watching a BDSM porn film, her words to me were, "Good luck with that."

The problem with the online only relationship is that I need to be degraded in front of a wider audience. Being told to show everyone my 2" worm makes my heart pound! Being compared unfavorably sexually in front of a group of people is extremely fulfilling for me. And as much as I enjoy binding up and flogging my useless worm, the thought of being bound with legs spread wide so that my Mistress could administer punishment at her pleasure is enough to make me leak.

Last, but not necessarily least, I don't have a clue as to how I would even go about looking for a local BDSM group.

ADIDAS • Jul 8, 2020

I find it interesting that you feel you "know " a person comfortably well enough after a week or two to know that they are making "excuses " not to meet in person. I don't know about you but most after a week are still in the "getting to know you " stage. Too soon to be under the pressure of meeting for just the sexual gratification part of BDSM. Maybe it's not the subs failure, as you imply but your own to push a relationship through the natural process?

Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."



Maybe instead of a "week or two " , change it. Since it's the same result with different subs, logically it's not the subs, it's the action. Change the action. Good luck R. Truly. You deserve some peace.


Yours
Ms. A

Real time and Online

mikkee30​(sub gender fluid) • Jul 9, 2020

It has to be real time otherwise it is just not worth doing. A waste of time.

Mr E​(dom male) • Jul 9, 2020

I'm not here to say what is better or worse, good nor bad, valuable or a waste. I can only talk for myself.

I have tried online only, and despite there being many things you can do via distance, touch is sadly not one of them. As a tactile, physical intimacy-centric person, it just doesn't hit enough of the spots to scratch the itch.

rapidlyhip​(switch male) • Jul 15, 2020

i'm in a similar situation to baedrin. online is my outlet, particularly in a very vanilla R/T sex list. It hasn't agreed with many i've tried with and i get that, but it's all i can do.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 15, 2020

If the chemistry is right, then I'm totally open to a relationship starting out online with the ultimate goal of being together physically. Holding out (literally) like that can be great Kama Sutra.

Toy4Dom76​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2020

The fantasy world of online leaves a lot to be desired,scammers posers pretending to be Dominant only tends to annoy and aggravate me.

real time you get that special magic in the air,you feed off each others energy you feel the deep deep down need to be just empty for Her and Her needs

Carpophorus • Jul 23, 2020

Online has proven to be a net negative as far as I'm concerned.
I've never been into roleplay or acting things out through text.
I don't even use emojis when I text. I tend to text how I talk and that's often with a lack of "!".
I hate long phonecalls.
Needless to say it's not conducive to most online relationships. I'm annoyingly old-souled.
Of the 4 interactions, that I would classify as actual relationships, that I've been in through this site since joining last October, I've shipped 3 them out to me. The other one died specifically because of a loss of interest, due to distance and a lack of physical interaction.
The anonymity makes perfect sense and so does using it as a way to dip your toes in.
Personally, it just isn't my cup of tea.
People aren't good on the internet. Fakes and weirdos, juvenile nonsense, spam/unsolicited messages, cringe. There's many reasons not to like it and few in its favor, in my opinion.
Besides that, while granted I don't exactly have much experience in the realm of online BDSM, I don't think I'm very fond of the community. Though, that may extend to the online community in general. It's why I don't have any social media and started using snapchat in conjunction with this site.

It is my belief that the online side of BDSM(or anything else) is for the birds. I'll likely be sticking to converting vanillas, munches and invitationals for partnering up. Especially since I have a preference for relationships that are intended to last, not experimentation.

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Aug 21, 2020

I would prefer real time because online does not work for me besides I like to meet the woman who is my Domme. I have found scammers like to hide behind keyboards I have been a sap at times for 2 women I fell for at separate times they both promised a meeting and never showed. but enough complaining. I would love hands on experience with a Dominant woman who cares for me and will respect my hard limits

emeX​(sub male) • Aug 24, 2020

Reading the responses on here, it seems calling it 'real-time' is somewhat offensive to some? Maybe W/we should consider calling it 'in-person'? Just a thought. i say this not to bow down to those looking to be offended about everything (a gross trend nowadays)...but just having done online sessions myself, it's very real...and very fun i sure wouldn't call them 'fake-time'.

To answer Mistress Whipplash Ma'am direct question...i prefer in-person relationships aka 'real time'. But...with a generous sprinkling of 'online' throughout...especially to start...and here's why...

I don't think there's much debate that 'online vetting' is much more efficient than random encounters in-person. This not only applies to finding a partner, but when finding a job or whatever else you want to apply. Just from an 'options' 'efficiency' or 'convenience' standpoint, there's really no comparison. So it makes sense to at least start online, then move it forward to whatever degree (ig texting, voice/phone, skype, etc). I would argue these are also much safer ways to communicate than meeting in-person. But from that point, i prefer moving the relationship forward to in-person...but sprinkle in some online, why not. To me, it's not about online vs real time. To me it's about incorporating both.

Now, why do i prefer real time/in-person??? Because 'online' relationships are entirely based on mental stimulation, and, completely void of physical stimulation. And personally, i need both. Nope, spanking yourself with nipple clamps attached because X said so is not the same W/we are not virtual beings, we are human beings. Physical contact, physical energy, all the other senses that come into play are important to most of us. But furthermore (speak for myself here), i intend to be in a FLR as a live-in slave...this requires an in-person/real time relationship.

Thank You Mistress Whipplash Ma'am for posting these questions. It's an honor to have answered them, hopefully to Your standards.