dollMaker(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Jul 9, 2020
Re: Creating a Dom? rottenbrat wrote: EyeAlrdyOne wrote: I’m a new sub and I want my husband to dominate me. I’ve brought up the topic and we’re very open sexually, but I’m not sure where to tell him to start. I’ve discussed what I like, what I’m comfortable doing, and things I wouldn’t do. But I don’t want to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it, I love spontaneity, and I feel like trying to “create a Dom” takes that away. Is there any articles, websites (besides here), or anything I could tell him to read ? I’d like him to understand being a Dom, BDSM, and how to really take charge. Any advice ?
Ok, lets examine this closely....... You started with a list of wants and how you want it. You said you don't want to tell him what to do, but in all reality that is exactly what you are and will be doing if you start shoving reading material at him. In essence "educating" with what you think is necessary. This is what's commonly referred to as "topping from the bottom". While this may be strongly worded I am going to run with it......... If you are a sub, this is not your place to direct him in how to develop his interest and education around being a Dom. He needs to take the initiative and vet someone he thinks will be a good mentor in this area, perhaps a close friend, but definitely someone with more than 10 years experience. If you want to have a healthy relationship with him I would strongly advise against trying to steer or direct him. If you want to encourage his dominant side, then do things that are submissive to him more. Seek HIS direction and advice, don't force yours on him. Tell him how proud you are of him, and how safe and secure you feel with him, and how attracted you are to him. Nothing gets a Dom puffing out his chest more than knowing he has a content and well satisfied sub in his care. So look for what he does that boosts your happiness and tell him about it frequently. A sub sharing their needs and desires, what they like and dont like, what turns them on and not is not ,topping from the bottom'. Sharing those things is part of building a solid foundation of a mutually satisfying dynamic, and it is as much a subs responsibility to communicate these aspects as it is anyone on the other side of the slash. Healthy consent based dynamics are not one sided. If mid scene a sub started giving detailed instructions what to do, demanding out of the blue with no prior agreement, or structure to provide such, then that in my opinion would be 'topping from the bottom'. In saying that in a new learning relationship, play only or otherwise learning your partners likes and dislikes, how they react to stimulus getting feedback even while doing, during the activity is not an undesirable thing to happen. Infact its a wonderful, healthy thing to faciliatate your partners pleasure, put that smile on their face. Afterall its not, in a healthy dynamic for only the dom to enjoy things. If thats the case, that is not a healthy relationship, and is more likely an abusive one. |
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Sasa(dom female)
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3 years ago •
Jul 9, 2020
One question ... are you sure you are a submissive and if yes, what will you do for him. It might be not a bad idea to read a bit about submission too next to the topic „how to bake a dom“
 
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jul 9, 2020
rottenbrat wrote: If you want to encourage his dominant side, then do things that are submissive to him more.
This. You don't make a husband your dominant by dominating him. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you become more submissive he will become more dominant. It's unavoidable. |
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Taramafor(sub male)
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3 years ago •
Jul 9, 2020
Quote: This. You don't make a husband your dominant by dominating him.
Actually, that depends. Being on one side of the fence also means you gain experience. Which can then be used on the other side. So temporary power exchange can actually be a good thing. If someone has the "can do" attitude and confidence for it. That said how you treat one person is never the same as how you treat the next. When "swapping" it's important to remember that you're trying to go with "flow". One way or the other. A dom leads and creates flow. A sub follows that flow. Then there's "each others flow". This is the part I think a lot of people lose sight of. You can't just START with full control. Especially when you're still getting into things. It's important to "go with each others flow". See where things go BOTH ways. Gain that experience, for better and for worse. After that you figure out what works and toss out what doesn't. At some point going "Full control". It's best to treat it like a standard relationship at first. "I want this. You want that. Here's how I can show you. There's your own ideas to implement". Think of a collar and leash as something that provides "options". But WHERE is it going to be used? If you think the only place to use it is in a bedroom or BDSM dungeon you'd be very wrong. It could easily be a pile of pillows. A carpet by a fireplace. Lightly tugged towards the other person with little to no thought because it's a good time and place for it in the moment. Basically, as much as this can require planning it's sometimes best to just stop thinking and focus on having a good time. And letting things happen of their own accord. Have the "idea" but "enjoy the moment". You could for example walk around and enjoy other things for the most part. Then end up at a location where you can just relax and take things easy with one thing leading to another. Thing is the sub has to initiate as much as the dom. Being playful and the odd joke helps. More serious people? Hmm... There's ways to "play seriously" too. That's getting a bit into detail though. |
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