High Pedestal and Expectations?

Johnny slave sub​(sub male){I'd most w} • Sep 15, 2020

Hello Ms. Global Goddess,
HI. ..I'm johnny and although I am truly a submissive male...the me I am is more than sub alone. There is more to me than that.
Likewise Ms. you are more than Dominant alone.
How does a particular male make you feel? Does he adore only your DOM nature or does he adore and fully appreciate all that you are?
We are all normal humans, but with differing natures.
In mainstream vanilla relationships, what makes any man so attracted to and stay with...perhaps marry a particular woman? He knows her, he cares about her, he loves her. They happen to get along well. It's the same for a sub male, but more than love...he adores as well. He sees her as being Superior to himself, he loves, honors, adores, and obeys her. Why? Cause he absolutely knows her, cares about her and loves her...for ALL that she is. Then too...if the 2 of you get along well....then why would either of you not feel happy together?
Just be you and take charge in and over all that you desire to hold authority. Don't fret about your sub seeing your natural humanity. He'll appreciate you more. The true sub will see you as you are, imperfections and all, but he will strive to treat you AS THOUGH YOU ARE PERFECT and your place will forever be as his Queen upon a pedestal.
You are a wonderful and Powerful woman, who is more than domineering. ..You are All WOMAN. Be proud of that reality.

Re: High Pedestal and Expectations?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 15, 2020

This just came back to the top of the forum discussions. i read it again and the re-read evoked another response.

For me, besides the (obvious of?) the person being a Dom by nature, it is their ability to be open, honest, real. This seems to come hard to some Dom people as they (erroneously i think) feel that the vulnerability that comes with those things is equal to 'weak,' (which is a decidedly un-dom feature). We live in an era where the "image is everything" notion has been heavily propagated, and adopted by many. It doesn't take much examination to discover that an "image" is just a facade. i'd suggest that it is more true that "substance is everything." Those who promote image may get the positive response they crave, but the only thing that benefits from that positive response is the image. The "real" person remains hidden, alone and unnurtured.

To me, the ultimate show of strength and power is the willful exercise of openness. For me, it's an aphrodisiac as well as a bonding agent. my primary desire (and i think this is pretty universal, even when unconscious) is connecting and bonding (to me, that's the real "bondage") to my Dom. i cannot do that with a facade, so ongoing openness is a primary factor that attracts and bonds me to a Dom.

Bunnie • Sep 16, 2020

“I'd also ask any subs what it is that makes them so attracted to and to stay with a Domme?”

If it’s ok to weigh-in on this a little...
As a submissive female to Dominant males, obviously this is not my area. My introduction into the lifestyle however, was very much enmeshed with Dominant Females. I am honoured to know some amazing Dommes who are an absolute inspiration to me as a female. This may seem contradictory to some, but to me it is not. These are people I have interacted with within my local communities, so there is no fantasy about it. They are just great people, and own themselves so beautifully.

In all honesty, I think a lot of the responsibility lays in the submissives hands as well. As difficult as it is not to in the newer days, it is their responsibility to not place unrealistic expectations on anyone. As many have suggested, by nature we can tend to worship our Dominants, however, there is a way of achieving that that isn’t the age-old “based on religion” type of worship. I believe that non-“romanticised” worship involves recognising and accepting flaws and all. Perhaps rather than worship we could call it unconditional love.
You deserve unconditional love, as we all do. Perhaps the obstacles are in finding a place of believing that... regardless of your stumbles.
The fact that you’re questioning this says a lot of positive things about you (imo). It suggests that you will strive to be the best leader you can be. How could anyone not admire that?

Regardless of what gender anyone identifies as, for me personally, I admire how well someone has faced themselves. When you think about it... that is where both our biggest triumphs and biggest challenges exist. It also then creates our ability to focus on the spaces between us and others, because we can do so with awareness.

I hope this makes sense.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 16, 2020

Bunnie wrote: "As many have suggested, by nature we can tend to worship our Dominants, however, there is a way of achieving that that isn’t the age-old “based on religion” type of worship. I believe that realistic worship involves recognising and accepting flaws and all. Perhaps rather than worship we could call it unconditional love."

i appreciate this point. i stumble over the word "worship." i think, perhaps because of the religious association, that the idea of perfection is implicit in worship... which is unrealistic (read: "pretend"). i personally despise role play because this stuff is very real for me, so the term or 'playing' a 'role' literally offends me. This is strictly personal, i have no problem with others doing what works for them, but i never want a partner who plays a role for me or wants me to play a role.

So, where does that leave me with "worship" if worship doesn't honestly fit? i can answer that one easily, because i have experienced it and the word came to me instantly when i did: "adoration." i have not experienced it a lot in my life. It's not a generic thing for me that i just choose to do, it's a response that certain Dom's have surfaced in me. And it's even happened with a virtual stranger, hook up where i had to literally bite my mattress to keep from declaring my love for this Guy lol. i'm guessing He didn't know the effect He had, it was just who He was. A more connected situation was when the word "adoration" came to me. It was the only word that fit for me. But it was different than worship (for me). i cannot honestly picture myself worshipping anyone, that would involve self deception for me.

Johnny slave sub​(sub male){I'd most w} • Oct 5, 2020

I do look up to a woman, clearly upfront knowing and acknowledging her humanity. That is, seeing her wholly as the person she is. Great things and imperfections as well. I am aware that no one is perfect, yet I look up to her as THOUGH SHE WERE.
It's in that sense that I put Her up on a pedestal. Even after years in a relationship. ...when I now know of faults and perhaps weaknesses. ..I don't stop looking up to her. She still holds a place upon a pedestal, because from the very first beginning, I already faced the reality of imperfections in ALL of us. Though I've used the word worship, more exactly a better word is..,Adore. To love, Adore, please, serve, share with, trust and obey her. Through ups and downs. Not stopping to do so a year or more later.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 5, 2020

Being blunt. Gender isn't an excuse. As much as I love a confident, dom female, she's who she is because of whatever has forged her up to this point. While a FEW of those events might be how she was treated/mistreated due to her gender it's much more likely other events caused that to happen. For example what soul crushing, depressing situations happened that might have broken her before she learned to face/handle situations with more control and confidence? What's important to keep in mind is that we can also be our own worst enemy. And we all have parts of ourselves that we both are proud of and not. I consider it important to examine both. Least we fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as either too perfect (and thus deluded and assuming too much of others. Which hurts them) or more flawed then we actually are (kind of the same, but more self destructive. You hurt yourself).


This contradicts. I kind of get where you're coming from I think. People that are more confident are "better" able to handle and control situations. It's not that she's perfect, it's that most people are more incapable so she stands out more. Harsh but true. That said there's always a weakness. Where most avoid and evade due to discomfort, those that discuss, accept, admit and face the scary/uncomfortable events turn such weakness into strength. The biggest weakness of all? Being evasive. What is avoided the most? Ones own weakness. It's a kind of loop. In order to be closer to perfect you have to admit you're not. But instead of "perfect" I make it about "honesty". Specifically self honesty. The reason for this is simple. Honesty establishes trust. If you're that honest with yourself you can be as honest with others. Be honest with each other and that establishes trust together.

Perhaps to be perfect is to be able to admit when you're flawed. But more then that to stand your ground no matter how unpleasant the situation is. It's through presence that even the worst of events can quickly be turned around into fun (or/and safety). Provided one knows what to do in said situation. How many situations could have been turned around if you don't flee? And how many continue to remain unpleasant through such avoidance even with distance and absence? Also known as why confidence is attractive.

Johnny slave sub​(sub male){I'd most w} • Oct 5, 2020

You do kinda get where I'm coming from. Honesty, needs to be a factor. The women I've had very long relationships with...were honest in knowing their faults and shortcomings. They were able to know that they weren't and never would be perfect.
I looked upon them as whole. It was their entire person that I adored, including the faults and shortcomings. Indeed...due to imperfections that they admitted to having... that led me to look up to them even moreso.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 5, 2020

9 things about a real Dom (can't speak for Dommes)

1) A real Dom is ALWAYS in control of EVERYTHING in his life
2) A real Dom NEVER gets stressed, tired, or annoyed
3) A real Dom NEVER needs me-time to recharge, and is ALWAYS engaged with the sub
4) A real Dom has needs, but COMPLETELY suppresses them, and ALWAYS puts the submissive's needs FIRST
5) A real Dom NEVER says anything that may REMOTELY hurt the sub's feelings
6) A real Dom ALWAYS works 100% to grow the submissive
7) A real Dom has Olympic gold level intuition, and can ALWAYS read the sub's mind
Eight) A real Dom NEVER needs sex, but ALWAYS fulfills the sub's sexual needs

and last but not the least

9) A real Dom ALWAYS puts the toilet seat down

That is the pedestal all aspiring Doms have to achieve before they can be called real Doms.

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Oct 6, 2020

I have come across this syndrome in Myself, I've lost count how many times in both this lifestyle and outside of it.
I have yet to have a s-type of my own because communication seems to be less important then the instant gratification that many are looking for.
I found that I have to be completely upfront and absolutely honest about what I am and what I am looking for, upon inital contact.
I am human, I will make mistakes, I will not meet all aspects you are looking for all the time.

To answer your question, I have found that (in all honesty) truly understanding what YOU want from a relationship and communitacting that VERY clearly from the get-go makes it easier for the veneer to be more transparent so they see YOU more as YOU then a fantasy, or the glasses to be more "human" colored and less "fantasy" colored.

MrsKrisp​(dom female) • Oct 14, 2020

This thread helped me to face this dilemma as well. I decided to ignore that voice of doubt and to just be myself. It made the interactions with my sub so much more intense and helped me to discover some truths about myself.

Thanks for posing this question. I hope you’re able to put together the answer you need from the responses given as I have.