In public

In public

StarGazer666 • Feb 20, 2018

What do you do in public(either Master or slave could answer) do you give them a collar to wear, no matter where you are, is there limits, to what you can and cant do in public as a master and slave?

Me and my slave like to hide the relationship in public but we are trying to show it off more.

Any tips or ideas would be greatly appreciated, thanks

Thoughts

NrsGoodBody​(switch female){FREEspirit} • Feb 27, 2018

There are collars that have removable locks and switch to a lobster claw if you want to keep a collar on but want it to be somewhat discrete. Rules would provably apply, depending on your relationship (dom switches it for you/ it's worn only outside for business but if going to store maybe keep it in lock mode.) Just a thought

Re: In public

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 28, 2018

what about things like pulling out your chair to sit in food courts etc. Opening doors for you. Letting you go first. Carrying your things. Opening car doors. These are all things that do not require the consent of others and do not upset others but can be very powerful for you and your submissive. It will also keep the Dominant in the foreground of the Submissives thoughts and actions.

if you cant wear a collar there are several place that now sell the BDSM Triskelion. Worn a nice chain, its meaning is very clear to others in the know. There also several site that have instructions of how to make little keychain floggers ...nothing has to be HUGE to make a small noticeable difference, make it more so its mind set based, rather than in every ones faces. This also means the everyday person on the street, doesn't need to consent to being involved.

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Feb 28, 2018

I have an amazon version of the eternity collar that I wear at all times but at work.

In pulic

serioussub​(sub male){?} • Mar 1, 2018

Hi , my name is Marten and I 'm a submissive male.Personally I love to be shown off by my Mistress and will do anything , any time and anywhere if that pleases Her.
I will proudly wear my collar and cage, or whatever she wants me to and go shopping with her. As long as what you are doing is not illegal and overly offensive toward other people , you should enjoy it.

In pulic

serioussub​(sub male){?} • Mar 1, 2018

Marten again here.
Things like opening a door, or standing up when a women comes in and offering a chair , have absolutely nothing to do with being submissive, or a salave.
those things are just common courtesy and proper manners.

Re: In pulic

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 1, 2018

Normally and traditionally, the things I mentioned are done by a man to a (or for a)woman. Yes, they are taught as part of traditional manners (although some women now dont wish this kind of treatment and now find it insulting and belittling). I think you might of missed that the OP is M/m (Gay) Traditionally people will assume they are equal in status as lot of assumptions are made just due the gender. Of course I was being VERY general and not ALL will see it this way ...but the OP is after ideas.

I personally like manners and do agree with you to a point that should common courtesy for a person you love and wish to treat well. I find when the traditional gender stereo types are removed as they would be in case, it wold create a power shift to those involved and external to the relationship

Re: In pulic

Lucia​(sub female){not lookin} • Mar 1, 2018

As long as what you are doing is not illegal and overly offensive toward other people , you should enjoy it.[/quote

^^ That is the key. It doesn't sound like Marten or any posters here fit this category, but I have in my time seen some some extreme displays of BDSM in public- noticeable bondage, walking around cuffed, someone with uncovered bruises being led through a (vanilla) club on a chain, and worst of all, open and loud use of the term "slave"- and seen folks around be really, justifiably upset. Upset in a triggered way, not a judgmental way. It shouldn't be taken as judgment (from me or anyone) but certain things are going to be really, really upsetting to Average Vanilla Joe passing by and that is ok. I hope no one's mad at me now, but it's a fact that for non-kinksters being faced with some things, most particularly the concept of human ownership and the association of sex and physical pain/marking can be genuinely terrible. Kinksters talk a lot about our own privacy/safety and how we can be shamed, but we also need to recognize that sometimes BDSM practices make folks feel uncomfortable because of things they may have been through, and that is not the same thing as shaming. And I strongly believe we have a responsibility to consider the possibility of triggering trauma for some poor stranger. A lot of kinksters I have encountered understand this about things like bruises & bondage, but get a bit huffy about being told to keep the word "slave" private. I really want to put forth (no judgment from me, I don't need philosophizing defending the concept, I get it) that especially white kinksters have to recognize the situation and what that word means to folks other than you. It's not ok to throw that out in public and make someone else confront that whole massive issue.

That being said, there are endless options in this world for discreet collars- and if you're not following a traditional set of rules, who says it has to be a collar? Get your sub a choker or necklace from a non-BDSM source and y'all will still know what it is to you (obviously for those who only consider an official collar acceptable that's fine too). There's bondage under clothing, of course, and in addition to those behaviors that could arguably be just "good manners" as y'all discussed I would say you can go even farther in a setting like a bar/restaurant or coffee shop by having your sub fetch/prepare your food for you, fix your coffee, get your drinks, cut your sandwich in half, go put your picks on the jukebox, you get the picture. There's endless little moments to be taken advantage of.

MsNevermore​(other female) • Mar 5, 2018

The how when and where a collar is worn is strictly defined by those involved in the collaring. Period. There are no "rules" or expectations within the lifestyle as to what or how one must show they are collared.

What do they do for work? Is it possible or acceptable for them to wear a collar?
Are you both prepared to answer questions if someone asks (family, vanilla friends or public in general) what or why they are wearing the collar?
I know of many where the collar isn't a collar at all but a bracelet or ring. In some cases its nothing at all but an understanding between those involved.
I wouldn't get caught up more in how one displays their collar than the meaning behind it and if that means it stays "hidden" so be it.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Mar 5, 2018

in this country it will be very difficult for you to establish your status in public. You should start by going to open venue where you could practice your M/S relationship. Then maybe organise party in your own house with other kinksters.
But remember that having a slave is a heavy responsability....its not a toy!