I am a virgin, but I still know that I'm submissive..

I am a virgin, but I still know that I'm submissive..

Salli​(sub female) • Oct 23, 2020

So to clear this up, while I still am a virgin technically speaking, I did, of course, have sexual experiences before, even some going slightly into d/s territory. I just always hesitate before hitting up a dom in my area, or going to any sort of event, because I always feel like it would be wrong to go there as a virgin. Can I really know what I want, just from reading and having those fantasies?
I just feel so confused by what to do, because I honestly like the idea of a dom taking my virginity. I don't need it to be some guy I have romantic feelings for. Honestly at this point I just finally want to get started. Get it over with if you know what I mean?
So yeah, does anybody have any experience with virgins joining the community? Is this normal and am I still able to take part here?

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2020

Hello Salli and welcome to the community, yes you are always welcome. there is only 1 bit of advice I have for you, be very careful who you let in. do your best to vette your dom and ask lots and lots of questions, ask other submissives in the community if they dealt with the dom you choose. talk to other doms or dommes, as insignifigant as you may think something is ask it anyway. you can never be to careful and always, always, always, be SSC, safe sane consentual, and just be very careful in who you choose.

luckygirl • Oct 23, 2020

It is your decision ultimately, carefully choose who to take your virginity. Trust me later in life it will matter to you. Also be aware and cautious of throwing the virginity out there, lots of "doms" prey on that and can really result in an toxic dynamic. Please be safe and make good decisions. ❤

IowaDom​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2020

There is a thread not too far back on helping a newbie find a Dom ... and I totally agree with the above posts, it IS something you will remember later in life, make it worth remembering

xHarleyQuinn​(sub female){Collared } • Oct 23, 2020

Submission isn’t all about sex. And for some BDSM and submission is a bedroom kink only.
Honestly, I wouldn’t hunt for a Dom to take your virginity, I would absolutely do that with someone you have real feelings for. It will matter to you at some point even if you think it won’t or it doesn’t now. Good luck and stay safe.

MrFulmen • Oct 23, 2020

Other folks have already given you suggestions to be careful about your safety, and that's good advice. Consider not advertising that you are inexperienced or that you are a virgin, and saving that information to share with someone after you've talked a bit. You don't have to lie and claim that you are experienced; just don't mention it either way. There are some pretty shitty people who home in on inexperience, and if you keep that information under your hat you're likely to get a generally higher quality of responses.

Other than that, yeah: it's totally appropriate for someone who's a virgin to get involved in kink community. Welcome.

Hardly anybody knows exactly what they want out of kink right from the beginning. A lot of what we do is very different in reality than it is to fantasize about, and many of us find that our desires evolve over time. You just gotta dip your toe in the water and start learning how this kinky shit is for you in actual practice. And my suggestion is to start by dipping a toe, not by diving in. Those shitty people I mentioned are going to fall all over themselves trying to get you to sign up to be their 24/7 no-limits slave for life right away. Instead, negotiate one evening of carefully limited play with a person who doesn't push you for more. See how that feels. Incorporate whatever you learn about what works for you and what doesn't. Then take one step deeper.