The difference between submissive and slave?

The difference between submissive and slave?

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 13, 2020

Perhaps this has been discussed before but I am curious what others view as the difference between the two. This is for both Dominant/Masters and subs/slaves, I am interested in any thoughts on the subject.

Is it experience? Dedication? difference between 24/7 and play sessions? Or limits and safe words? What is the difference in your opinion?

My girl started out in the D/s realm and evolved long before we started communicating about fifteen years ago. She has much more experience in the BDSM social events, munches, and the like. I experienced the attraction at a young age, but my family and where I lived is very conservative, so information was limited.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Nov 13, 2020

Someone else, but I forgot who,said that the difference is that a slave decides at the beginning of the dynamic and a submissive decides each time something is asked. You can fetishize things or add in rules/ritual from outside sources, but I like the simplicity of saying that a slave has said yes before anything has been asked of them.

Bunnie • Nov 13, 2020

The way I like to explain the difference is that a submissive will strive to become the best version of themselves for their Dominant, whereas a slave will become whatever their Master wants.

I also came across this quote recently, which really struck me...

‘A submissive finds enjoyment in obeying a Dominant, whereas a slave finds purpose in living for them.’

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 13, 2020

As a sexual masochist, I find a slave role in my short term interludes part of the sexual thrill of pain and humiliation. A genuine "sub" is into a deeper aspect of "the lifestyle". Definitely something more "meaningful" and longer term than what I'd seek if I were looking.

--For me, "It don't matter if they respect me in the morning"--

( Some won't like this but it's how I roll: The definition of "Different Strokes for Different Folks".)

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • Nov 13, 2020

There’s no one definition for these terms, so it’s always individually defined. Generally speaking people use slave to mean some level of deeper commitment, but there’s no hard and fast rule.

One educator I met identified as a slave but specifically not a sub, because ultimately she didn’t feel submissive in her behavior. She liked being owned and having to do what she was told, but she just didn’t like being subby and deferential all the time. In her ideal relationship she wants a master who absolutely expects her obedience, but she doesn’t want to constantly be subby in her behavior, just a slave in her life and role. I thought that was a fascinating distinction, and really helped illustrate to me the versatility of ways people interact with this lifestyle.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Nov 13, 2020

I have been with a Dom and a Master and I do enjoy being a sub more. It is different to everyone, but I think Kara is very close.

To me, it is having a voice every day. It is knowing that my Dom will lead us, but it is because he has taken my voice and opinion into consideration in his decision process. He doesn't try to get me to do things for my own benefit, he teaches me. Not makes me sit and do mantras every morning that praise him as my protector. If he needs me to be a better person, he takes my hand and walks that path with me. A slave does not want that voice, so to speak, she does not want her opinion to put a shadow in her Masters mind about leading them to their garden.

I am not saying some of these traits don't translate to the other, I do think I have some prominent slave tendencies. I just can't have a Master.

Lastly. I detest people who think that a slave is more devoted to her Master than a submissive even to her Dom. There are different styles of devotion. Some come from absolute servitude, some come from being able to be your true self in your dynamic so you can provide you most vibrant colors to your Dom.

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 14, 2020

I haven't heard this before, I like it. It's been my opinion that it takes a certain level of trust in both dynamics, perhaps more so for a M/s lifestyle. Not that all other dynamics "can't" have that same trust. Thank you for replying.

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 14, 2020

Well put. I agree with both, explanation and quote. I am curious how many on this site see a slave as a "doormat" or weak. I have always found it far from the truth.
Thank you for your thoughts.

Master Havok​(dom male) • Nov 14, 2020

Hmmm, yes, so you enjoy the concept of being a slave in roleplay? I see nothing wrong with that, myself. It can be exhilarating for some I am sure. I used to think the D/s lifestyle was more about pain or physical sensation and for some perhaps that is true. I have always been more about control and the mental aspect. I understand the idea of pain/pleasure, but I have told my slave from early on if I'm pulling my belt off its not because I am glad to see her.
I have also considered "subs" to be more about "bedroom play" and "slaves" more to do with "lifestyle". I am finding it is much more varied than that.

I must say I enjoy your unvarnished truth. Different Strokes indeed.

Bunnie • Nov 14, 2020

@ Master Havok,

You’re welcome

“I am curious how many on this site see a slave as a "doormat" or weak. I have always found it far from the truth.”

It’s a pretty common misconception. I too find it very far from the truth when looking at it from an inside perspective. Perhaps from an outside perspective it may look that way, however, considering a slave’s only focus is on their Master... as long as they are a positive representation of their Master’s values, I know few who care about outside perspectives about themselves lol.