What is it really...

Taramafor​(sub male) • Nov 28, 2020

So you're stating an opinion and provide no relevant information to back it up, thereby contributing nothing new to the thread other then to toss in your own opinion of which you refuse to even prove is accurate or not? How are posters supposed to take you at your word without proof?

What's more I'M saying it's not as simple as you claimed. And you know full well it isn't. You know full well there's REASONS people are attracted to each other. No opinion or fact circumvents reasons. I was simply providing a few examples as to why.

And finally, you also said they're BOTH attracted to each other. But that isn't a difference is it? Unless you mean they're attracted to each other for different reasons. In that case your statement makes sense. But you never said anything on the matter. So here we are having this conversation that could have been avoided if you had been more clear the first time.

I'm thinking just fine. You're just not keeping up.

DrKrall • Nov 28, 2020

Maybe you are on to something here. Maybe there is no true answer but it all comes down to different opinions. What if the facts are different for every Dom/sub relationship or even for each individual?


Maybe you are right. I can be a bit slow sometimes.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Nov 29, 2020

They will be. That's what I'm getting at. However, a key fact has to remain in place for things to go well. Which is very effective with not just doms and subs but also being a better person overall.

When I have too, I give direction. I actually enjoy it. I engage with other subs as well as doms. Keep in mind I am saying this as a sub myself. In essence I'm teaching whoever I engage with to take initiative more (important sub trait as well as a dom one) and be more "informative". I do this VERY sparingly. Normally it's the FIRST moment when I want someone to do something with me. Even if someone says they're too nice and a sub (note: I don't breath a word of dom or sub labels once things are happening. Too generalised) I get them to take action with me. I'm teasing them. They want it. I want it. We both want it. Focus on action and reaction.

Here's the most important part. Once I've gotten someone going and they're NOT taking initiative after I made things clear, I... stop.
I pause.
I tease some more. See their reaction. Even something as simple as bending over of their own accord will be taking initiative.
I remind them that if they want me to jump on them and ravage them like they want that all they have to do is TELL me or otherwise SHOW me.
Oh look, they're bending over all of a sudden. Good behaviour gets rewards.

That's all it is. Telling each other. Or/and otherwise showing it. Without acting entitled or obligated. Seems obvious, right? Well, yes, that's the thing. TOO obvious. So obvious it often gets overlooked.

Telling or/and showing. Quickly. Clearly. Decisively. It's technically easy once you get the hang of it, but it's one of those "It's so obvious it gets easily overlooked" things. Like anything else, starting and being consistent with it can be the hard part.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2020

Taramafor​: "So you're stating an opinion and provide no relevant information to back it up, thereby contributing nothing new to the thread other then to toss in your own opinion of which you refuse to even prove is accurate or not? How are posters supposed to take you at your word without proof?"

(Which is EXACTly what you did with your little killer sub/slave in your post "when things go wrong" right?? LOL)

"What's more I'M saying it's not as simple as you claimed." (Nor was your post)

"And you know full well it isn't." ( Yep you DID know full well while writing your little fan fiction too)

" You know full well there's REASONS people are attracted to each other. No opinion or fact circumvents reasons. I was simply providing a few examples as to why."

(AND you were providing more of your opinion not because you know it all as you hoped we'd believe, but because you have a desperate need to convince others that you are more than you are.)

...............................and in your last rant:

"I get them to take action with me. I'm teasing them. They want it. I want it. We both want it. Focus on action and reaction."

(Yeah we call that manipulation)

"When I have too, I give direction. I actually enjoy it. I engage with other subs as well as doms. Keep in mind I am saying this as a sub myself. In essence I'm teaching whoever I engage with to take initiative more (important sub trait as well as a dom one) and be more "informative".

(Right, You top from the bottom. Very cliche')

"Here's the most important part. Once I've gotten someone going and they're NOT taking initiative after I made
I tease some more. See their reaction. Even something as simple as bending over of their own accord will be taking initiative.
I remind them that if they want me to jump on them and ravage them like they want that all they have to do is TELL me or otherwise SHOW me. Oh look, they're bending over all of a sudden. Good behaviour gets rewards."

(You DO know what the word submissive actually means right? I mean seriously. When you put this junk out there do you even know how fraudulent you make yourself sound?)

(Well, I must say, you never disappoint.)

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Nov 30, 2020

Best fucking description EVAH!!!!

Tthomas • Nov 30, 2020

I believe it is part of your personality. A Dominant is dominant in his entire life not just with his sub. They will cover it up some by being polite or outgoing or even funny but it is always there.

They do not choose it just like someone doesn’t choose to be shy.

It is also my belief that it is easier for a submissive to be a Dom for a while than it is for a Dom to be submissive.

AngelBunny • Dec 1, 2020

@Bunnie,

When I was contemplating your question, I thought about my Master and an image of a rock came up. I see him as solid, secure, stable, and strong. Then when thinking about myself, I visualized water. I'm flowing, fluid, and pliant. His steadfastness contains me and keeps me from overflowing. But it doesn't mean I can't be like a rock or he can't be fluid, however, we feel most at ease in our natural states. Honestly though, I think at the heart of D/s, Doms and subs are both serving the other, just in different ways.

Bunnie • Dec 1, 2020

When I first posted this, I stepped away from it a bit because it felt a bit like the context in which I had posted was kind of missed, however, I couldn’t work out how to elaborate further... and still allow space for other people’s thoughts to come through. So I kind of just left it as a failed attempt on my part.
However, this community never disappoints. The thinkers who step away and mull things over, somehow always manage to find a way into my muddled thought processes and find what was there, and manage to unravel them enough to bring those concepts to light for others to see and then themselves mull over too.
I understand that at first this seemed like a simple open and shut response directed answer... and that was my struggle... because when I truly sat with it, I realised that for me, actually it wasn’t. So that made me curious... is it the same for others? It’s not so much that we don’t all have our idea of what the difference is... but how do we explain that difference? That is what I was curious about. And the answers as a collective are what I think gives us our answer (if that makes sense). Thank you to everyone who has thought about this and contributed. I have enjoyed being challenged to think outside of myself and try to understand different perspectives. Some have resonated easily for me... some have given me “aha’s.” All are always much appreciated

Ingénue{VK} • Dec 1, 2020

Rock is rock. Water is water.

Water is different,
has no direction but beauty,
runs through all dreams of color,
takes bright lessons
from the rock
and in those occupations works out
the unbroken duties of the foam.

MrRobbbee​(switch male) • Dec 16, 2020

I think that the term Dom and sub describe just a snapshot or a glimpse into a persons tendencies and desires but there are very few people who actually are completely Dominant or completely submissive either in there lives as a whole of just during what we call play time. Most of us fall on a slide scale that is constantly shifting to meet the needs of each other and to accommodate the outside influences of life that effect us. At any given moment the sub can be the one doing the nurturing or taking charge of a situation or the Dom can be in a place of submission in an place that is the subs Domain( for example a sub that is a chef my take full control in the kitchen and use their Dom as an assistant or kick them out all together). All I am saying is it not easy to pinpoint the differences that make us what we are. I believe you cant really be a Dom without a sub and you cant be a sub without a Dom and together its t he compliment of the two in an individual relationship that creates your own definition of these terms