Subs Pursuing Doms

Defender​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2020

I don't mind either way.

I don't believe in subs should, subs shouldn't, Doms should, Doms shouldn't.....

Be polite and just play it how you feel it.

No-one is going to die.

SouthernDahlia​(sub female) • Dec 27, 2020

It's a no for me. I will post a personal but I won't message a man first. I don't want to be competing with other women for attention. If you're single and want to talk message me.

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • Dec 27, 2020

I don’t see a issue with a sub approaching a dom, in fact I would get great enjoyment out of it knowing they were interested and made the first move, it is very rare a women makes the first move these days.

DrWakko • Dec 27, 2020

When I started out in the Bdsm community when it came to play the bottom always approached the top. I think it worked for several reasons. The first being the bottom got to watch and observe the top to see how they played and acted and second it stopped pushy tops.

I think if we went back to this model for play and even added relationships. We would find a lot less predator tops and maybe some longer lasting relationships.

If the bottom is making sure it’s a good fit. You stop the “you are mine” mentality that seems to be common on the net.

DW

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2020

I think, all things considered, it shouldn’t matter. Especially in this online environment. Specifically, neither Dominant nor submissive are actually in a relationship with each other before they actually “meet” so there is no dynamic and neither are actually the submissive or Dominant of each other - yet.

If a submissive sees a prospective Dominant who seems to meet their needs and expectations, why wait for luck or karma? Reach out and make the initial contact. Even if the Dominant approaches the submissive or switch for that matter, they need to communicate and evolve into their dynamic and relationship, as each relationship is different and specific to each interaction.

So I don’t think only Alpha submissives should make the first move. But it might help Dominants in actually seeing who might be interested or at least intrigued by them.

petiteluna​(sub female) • Dec 28, 2020

I wouldn’t say I actively pursue doms, since in general I’m not someone whose attracted initially to anyone I may be interested in. That being said, I’ll message anyone if there’s something I think is interesting in what they wrote/their profile, because I genuinely would like to have a conversation. ‍♀️

MidlifeMan​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2020

I enjoy both sides, selecting and contacting, but also when contacted(it's hot to know a sub is that interested) .

Voldemort​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2020

Exactly

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 28, 2020

Bunnie "It really depends on perspective. If you break it down to vulnerability... a sub approaching a Dominant is actually putting themselves in the more vulnerable position, because they are the one facing possible rejection. I find that quite humbling. So from that perspective it is actually the Dominant who has the power right from the get-go."

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I remember watching a discussion in a chat room by a couple of Doms about how they have to let the woman approach, because If they approach her to ask for anything then she has all the power.

All I could think was, "How brittle is your dominance that it can be affected by a simple request?" If you listen to presentations made by men like Zig Zigler (a view from the top) and other powerhouses you will notice that they all say something like, "in the face of failure, challenges, or a firm no, you keep going."

But here where strength and intent are so important, Doms are afraid of being told no? Or not getting an answer at all? hhmm

Put 50 people in a room and you'll probably get 50 variations on the answers entered here. In a nut shell, I think this is just another level of compatibility. The reasons behind what we do and how we do things mesh best when we encounter someone with a similar point of view or way of approaching things.

A lot of people say all the right things but when its' put up or shut up time, they have a million justifications for not acting as they promised they would. I see it as helpful, because once you show your fear of rejection, or timidity in approaching others, or narrowness of mind in making a simple request... well, your toothpaste is out of the tube as they say. And how others see you is forever changed.
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As far as those who said they never get a response, well, we've all written others and never got a response. You don't really know why and only you can decide to take it personally.

As for me, after far too many years of politeness, explanations, or discussions with unwanted messages, I no longer reply if:

You obviously never read my profile.
Introduce yourself not with hello, but some poorly written pseudo-porn fantasy you wrote.
Have 34 cock shots, or one BIG photo of your tongue.
Are far too young. Are far too old. Or, far too attached/married.
Call me pet, good girl, little one, slut, cunt etc.
Or offer graphic descriptions of how I am to use you as my toilet.
Or send a wall-o-text email. Or one that was cut and pasted to how many women?

Or basically act like an asshat that convinces me that you couldn't get any woman in the past and thought s types are mindless, sexual toys with no self-esteem just waiting on a shelf with their legs open, hoping you'll throw them a crumb.

People always complain about not getting respectful responses to their messages, never do I see them post, "Yeah I was a real jerk and she never responded."

It isn't about women getting bombarded with unwanted emails. It's that when you delete a message unread, rarely do you get a follow up email asking again for a response.

If that happens I write back, if only to say, sorry not interested, assuming it isn't a gross pile of Bs.

But it is, as I said, rare. And that is good. Tells me my initial delete was correct.

I think for some the thrill of writing filth and bad porn to a random woman is the entire purpose of the message. Not a real meeting of mind or spirit. And most women who do not respond already know this.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 29, 2020

I believe your your logic may be flawed here. Using your reasoning, that there is no "relationship" unless you have met, that would mean that friendships are not *true* until you meet.

Friendships are a form of a dynamic, as we have discussed often so your argument applies.

But that's my opinion.