I want to talk about Ghosting

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2021

Since I can see that many here have a handle on debating this I will offer some other realities as they relate to your time online pre ghosting, post-ghosting and in general, screwing around.

The Internet is no longer a mindless box (think ATM) where you get to have fun. I don't think it ever was.
Online activity has cost people their marriages, custody of children and jobs. (no personal contact with others needed.)

When the police come to arrest you the first thing they take is your c.o.m.p.u.t.e.r.
When last I spoke to my FBI friend, he said that they can take a formatted had drive (that's were you wipe the drive) and pull all that data anyway. I'm told the CIA has ways to do that as well. Probably our friends at Homeland Security too.

People have been murdered after meeting on the Internet.
I don't think I have to explain identity theft to anyone.
And Internet scamming? I believe that is a million or more dollar industry now.

Oh and one of my favorites. More than a few people of different ages have committed suicide due to cyber bullying.
Behavioral scientists (my field of study) have been looking closely at this for a while now. Not to mention the ramifications and ethical codes of conduct that have had to be rewritten due to online counseling, and online medical diagnosis. Those rules affect licensure should a practitioner screw up.

So in a nut shell, what you do, how, and with whom online matters.

I know none of this was the point of the original post but you know someone had to be the party pooper (you're welcome) and I'm happy to oblige.

We all know that women are frequently bombarded with urgent requests and promises. Speaking for myself, if I had a penny every time some top type descended on me making promises, demanding full disclosure on personal questions, (some beyond pornographic), Wanted cam with me, demanded to be called MasterSirLordGodoftheUniverse, and became hateful and billigerent when told NO. I'd have a mansion built out of pennies.

It matters. It is no longer a fly-by dalliance. People ask the person on the other side of that computer to dig deep and they want all your secrets, fears and phobias. They poke and prod and root around in that person's emotions and then when bored, and ghost.

So if you said, "just get over it" you only sound as indifferent and selfish as the ghosters are.

Early on a great mentor of mine told me this.
"The true measure of a man is what he does when no one is looking."
(I added and what he does when he/she doesn't have to do anything at all."

Another great read is "As a man thinketh" by James Allen 1888
"Circumstances don't make the man, they reveal him"

.............simply put if you act like a dick and deliberately hurt people, you are a dick. Own it, believe it, soak in it until you fingers get all pruney.

You are hurting people not because you have no alternative. You are doing it because you want to.

THAT is why it matters. THAT is why it always will.

H*

Aquilla{ • • •. [} • Apr 28, 2021

Very good points. One day, I don't know when, I will burn all of my electronics into a big bonfire. I don't know what I will do about the cloud.

Sasa​(dom female) • Apr 28, 2021

The worst thing that crept out of Pandora's box was hope, wasn't it. So we hope the right one is there but it is a little human with loads of mistakes. I understand how much it hurts, we all had it and some of us did it too. I like the idea that sometimes the other person knows earlier than us that they are not enough, not the rights ones. Is the way immature? Of course yes, but it is our responsibility how we react. Send them good wishes, they will need them, and let them go with grace. I mean fighting for love is ok, but for or with a deserter or a coward character?

Kelpi • Apr 28, 2021

I was ghosted by my wife in RL not a big thing you just move on. I have been ghosted before the word was invented.
I have had to ghost one person because she would not take no for an answer. This was years ago and it still makes me wonder.
We where in a chat room and I was not looking for anyone at all but this sub liked me so we talked she got serious and I had to leave because she would not take no for an answer. She was sweet and nice looking but I was not ready for anything plus work was the only thing I needed at the time. I finally found out she had a thing about being the one to let go and got with her long enough for her to get bored and leave. Never talked to her again.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2021

Aquilla​(dom male) "Very good points. One day, I don't know when, I will burn all of my electronics into a big bonfire. I don't know what I will do about the cloud."
..............

Cloud-wise? We're all screwed. The "Cloud" is really are computer servers that reside all over the world. You can upload to those servers and save room on your storage devices.

If you are there.. yep we all are... You are there forever.

evilassassin00​(switch male) • Apr 30, 2021

I’m sadly getting used to it in the online kink scene.

I’ve had some great dynamics and then suddenly the other person drops off the fave of the earth. Usually that’s the way most of them end.

It also happens with most of the new dynamics as they are starting or even before they have. I will talk with someone, they are really keen but then one of us has to go to bed and we plan to continue it the next day..... and they were never seen or heard from again.

One of the most frustrating ones though (that seems to happen a bit here) is I will be talking with someone and then they block and ghost me... for no apparent reason.


Like others have said, I think it’s really just rude. It also shows how selfish people are and that they are just looking to fill their needs and not connect.

Wyn​(sub female) • May 1, 2021

Ok, I've been the one left behind and the ghost in more than one instance for both. In my case, when I was the ghost there were a variety of reasons, not all of them good. 1. I'd communicated I was done with the friendship, I was ignored, blocking and ignoring was the only way to go. Another time, I'd discovered a man I was seeing had lied about a bunch of stuff, so I pulled rip cord and didn't look back. I didn't trust my ability to do better than that. When it's happened to me, yes it has stung, but I also get people have their reasons for doing it. 50% of the time, my ghosts return within say 2 years, some will explain, others will try and pick up where we left off - I just hold them at a bit of a distance.

Yes, it hurts, yes it's immature (for the most part), yes there are times when it can feel the right course of action.

Aquilla{ • • •. [} • May 1, 2021

I have had similar experiences. I think in the block and ghost for no apparent reason scenario that you can assume that the problem is on the other end of the line. Keep your dick up.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • May 1, 2021

I suspect we are looking at ghosting differently.

Wyn when you end something and have given your reasons and the other is unreasonable, demanding, argumentative, and stalking you, block is your only option. I don't see that as ghosting.

I have a hard line on lying. You lie to me, we are done. Anyone I get involved with knows that early on and it is non-negotiable.

To me ghosting is deceit. Offering one perspective, like wanting a relationship with that person. Talking every day, pretending you are working on a future. Even setting up scenarios you have no intention of acting on and then one day without reason or comment, you disappear. It is using. It is cruel and it is scummy.

Friends of mine have had the same experience with the same guy. After much online and on-phone time, he was coming from California to NJ on business. he would be there for a month. During the trip, he called every day reporting his location, how the weather was, etc.

The first woman fixed up her home bought food to make all his favorite meals and just killed herself for this wonderful next step in a dream come true.

He claimed to be 20 minutes out of town and then nothing. She, frantic, called him and messaged him, worried sick. Nothing.

It was weeks later that he responded saying he had been in an accident and was in the hospital, his dog traveling with him, had died and his company flew him back to CAL.
Communication stopped. He was gone after that.

I called bulllshit. I said, "ask for the police report. "

Another acquaintance of ours made fun of her for falling for this and in less than two months later he did exactly the same thing to her. Exactly

Never underestimate how far people will go to be entertained and live a fantasy at your expense.

Ghosting doesn't just happen. It is a pattern that serves one and hurts the other.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • May 1, 2021

Ghosting is immature. One can confidently say hi, but may not have the balls to say goodbye.

Of course the next move for the ghosted is to move forward but not all people can move forward right away.

Since BDSM is about trust and honesty. Why can't someone just be honest about their feelings even if it's brutal. At least there's closure.