Once a liar always a liar?

Miki • May 19, 2021

The first question has already been answered abundantly, so onto the second. "Rationalize trusting them (again)".

"rationalize" has un-pretty connotations, but I don't want to play semantics.

The best thing to do is to put away the broad brush. It depends on the nature of the lie. Did they lie about an affair? Trust is tough on that one.
"Easy come, easy go" That one bites the ass of the one about who the liar was lying. "I stole so-and-so's lover!" That one can expect the same down the road.

But onto the lesser ones. (Skip the "A Lie is a Lie" bullshit. In that case everyone is guilty. One who says they never lied.. is lying.)

Did they lie about a forgotten parking ticket when the demand notice comes in? Did they let the dog go pinch a loaf in the neighbor's yard and now the neighbor is seeing red (or brown)?--- and deny these?

Did they not do the laundry when they said they would and make excuses "The washer was fucked-up."

In cases of this nature, sure they can be trusted.

In all cases, to err is human. If a habit develops, then you have a different story.

As with a lot of things, dealing with someone who lied is at best to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • May 19, 2021

inyourheadtoday​ -Once a liar always a liar?
"Not that it has happened to me - lol lol lol...not really laughing though...

If someone lied to their partner in one relationship does it mean they will lie in their next relationship? (I would expect them too. Especially if it worked for them.)

If you know they lied how do you rationalize trusting them? (I don't trust them.)

How and do you forgive them for past lapses in integrity and give them the benefit of the doubt things will be different with you?"

(I don't. If someone tells you they lied in the past but swears they never will again, how do you know? How can you know? If they were in therapy for a while by the time I met them... maybe. But that is unlikely and those of us who do not do those things we are worthy and deserving of integrity in our relationships.)
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The problem for me with lies is they seldom travel alone. There is always an agenda. There is always a pattern. And people won't like to hear it but lying has muscle memory.

The more you do it, the better you get at it.
The better you get at it, the more you depend on it.

There are many times that a person will want you to believe that what happened was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Like when someone says, I didn't mean it I said it out of anger. Or, I didn't mean it, it just happened.

My philosophy is that before a person can act on something, or say something,
1) it has to be in residence in their mind. 2) they have to be ok with utilizing it. 3) they have to be open to the opportunity to use it.
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I tend to step off of men who have lied or cheated in the past. Problem-solving in relationships requires work and if you default to dishonesty or cheating, you have learned nothing about how to make a good relationship. I don't intend to teach you. Or wait around to see if it happens to me.

My motto has always been.
You can't be kind to the cruel.
You can tell the truth to a liar.
You can't be reasonable with a bully.

Your mileage may vary,

The lies can never be wiped away completely...

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • May 20, 2021

The simple fact of the matter is there consequences for lying, one cannot unring the bell no matter how sincere one's apology. This is why youbshould avoids lying. It is very difficult to build a reputation for integrity but very easy to destroy it.

Even if I forgive, I don't forget and that person will likely never earn my complete trust. While I agreed with Bunny's desire to be open to and supportive of second chances, I have seen far more people use multiple chances for redemption as carte blanche to continue to lie.

The older I have become the more I see how difficult it is for people to change. So if you want me to give you another chance with me, then don't come to me empty handed. You better have a list of things you're doing to turn yourself around. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.

Mister Anderson​(dom male) • May 28, 2021

A lie is a piece of candy left out on a dish. You didn't take it yesterday. You didn't take it today. But tomorrow? And if you do take it, there will be another candy in it's place, and if no one saw you take the first one, they will never know it isn't the same piece.

Sir Observing​(dom male) • May 28, 2021

I feel its also down to situation, if a person is in a relationship with someone highly volatile they may lie to keep the peace and keep themselves safe. in this circumstance they may not lie in a relationship where their point of view is heard or the partner is understanding communicative and calm.

but if a person is lying in a relationship without concern or care for the other persons feelings then this is someone who doesn't know how to care and give consideration so why would they ever start without doing serious self awareness and development.

if some one is cheating on a relationship and lying well thats something different, if you feel the need to cheat on your partner then you could have gone to your partner and discussed why you feel that need and work on the relationship or end it. imo people who cheat are cowards and will do so again.

zash • May 28, 2021

Lies ... there is a saying that a repeated lie becomes truth...
When people lies for a small thing , slowly they start lying for more important things , and in one moment they become living a parallel life . I have been there , and trust me the lies didn’t start straight away , but on the 9th year slowly everything blown out . From stupid “white lies” to a big ones. And the problem here is that due to their experience with lies and not the truth , for them is easier to deal with lies , the truth is scary and hard reality that they really don’t want to go into . Second chances , maybe but with something on your mind , so when the disappointment comes , you can handle it . People don’t change for someone , they change for their self , so if he lied his ex partner , the possibility and the probability is that soon or later he will end up lying to you as well .

And here comes another question:

Is withholding information a lie ?

xSirenx​(other female) • May 28, 2021

‘You don’t trust that someone’s never gonna betray you!

You just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do...that you will be able to walk away.

That’s a massive key to it.

Stop worrying about whether you can trust someone else...maybe you can’t...we don’t know that...only time will tell.’

A video that lives rent free in my head

Veejay​(dom male){No Vacancy} • May 29, 2021

I couldn't have said it any better. I can only add.

People don't change unless through sheer force of long-term effort. That kind of genuine effort is usually self-evident and doesn't need pointing out. If there isn't any indication of that kind of effort, there's no reason to think anything will be different. History will repeat for the simple reason that it's not truly history. For them, it's the present.

Trust your gut, trust your friends. Be careful. You’re worth the wait.