Is online domination Planned obsolescence?

Is online domination Planned obsolescence?

Daasata Kitten​(sub female) • Jun 23, 2018

It’s a strangely two dimensional concept. I don’t see how you can generate a true deep D/s connection when the very relationship has an innate non permanence. Why would anyone give all of themselves to someone they know will not always be there.

Enlighten me

Byrdie​(switch female)​{rl only} • Jun 23, 2018

Well. That assumes that the submissive in question plans to give all of themselves.

If they do, but for some reason can't find anyone local, it's a way to at least scratch the itch: perhaps it's better than nothing?

There are people who are so highly closeted about their kink that they refuse to submit to someone local for fear of being found out. However, the need to submit is strong enough that they settle for doing so online and hope for the best.

Some people want to submit online first, get a taste of the person from a safe distance, and then meet if they like the style: they treat it as sort of an audition.

Some consider online a safe way to cheat on a partner - or perhaps a partner has okayed online-only play but nothing in person.

Some people are terrified of hiring a professional dominant, but will badger dominants on social media like this site for free sessions.

Some people are simply housebound, can't host, and find the online is the only way that they can submit.

Some people want to see what it's like without putting themselves into physical danger: sort of a like a step before going to a tasting party.

There are probably as many more reasons, but that's what I've heard from people who've tried to hit me up for online domination.

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Jun 23, 2018

Either that, or you can't find anyone local that you really click with, so you widen your net to look for your partner. Many people here have met and do long distance. You assume that just because you meet online that is as far as it goes. In this world of easy travel, Skype and unlimited cell plans, long distance relationships are possible. When you can, you visit.

Savida​(kinky female) • Jun 23, 2018

Nicely said, Byrdie and Aria. Only things I’d add are :

1) You can definitely connect with people online—different medium, different possibilities, just as real, but different.

2) connection is more than just touch—there are people who have touched me very intimately that I couldn’t have been more disconnected if I tried. I’ve had interactions online that ran so deep and provided such a sense of intimacy I almost couldn’t believe I wasn’t dreaming.

3) I’ve had more longevity with some online friends and lovers than people I met in the physical world. Physical world doesn’t equal that they’ll be around forever.

Hope this helps provide a little perspective on something you’re not familiar with.

DrWakko • Jun 24, 2018

If people want to jerk off on the computer and call it a D/s relationship let them. People will come up with a million excuses why they can’t do real life.

It doesn’t matter the pros and cons of a real life relationship. People will go real life when they are ready. You can not push them. You can not tell them that having someone sit at your feet is better than *i sit at your feet*.

All you are going to do is give yourself a headache reading this thread.

1stdragonfly​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2018

My two cents...
I have served one master for 14 years in real life.
I am currently seeking my Dom.
Personally, I don't really get the online thing. Could be I lack imagination, but I don't think so.
For me, the on line D/s relationship is as hollow and emotionally unfulfilling as masturbation.
I do agree that it is a place to start, sort of an audition, see if our Kinks lineup.
I'm not sure if this helps or not.

Fudbar​(dom male)​{❤️❤️❤️} • Jun 24, 2018

It seems clear to me from some of the comments so far that the concept of online D/s is misunderstood by those that don't practice it. Fair enough. I'm used to this sort of misconception from the outside with DD/lg, CNC and polyamory as well. If online was a kink, a lot of what's been said so far would be straight up kink shaming.

I don't accept the premise that online is 'innate non permanence' or practiced by 'someone they know will not always be there'. Facts not in evidence. If those are the basic premises you start out with, 'enlightenment' is gonna be tough.

I also find it strange that although folks understand and accept that the heart of D/s is mental and not physical, they reject the possibility that it could ever happen online. Ask yourselves what percentage of your 'IRL' relationships actually take place face to face. Do you chat with your partner on the phone? Text? Skype? Communication matters, and is the core of any D/s relationship. If you feel that can't happen any place but face to face, you'll need to explain why that is. Once again, facts not in evidence.

There also seems to be some confusion between D/s and online roleplay. What happens in the lobby isn't D/s anymore than casual conversation and joking at a munch is. Folks aren't privy to the private conversations, or the hours and hours spent getting to know someone. Online one on one conversation accelerates the bonding process; it's unlikely that you would spend 4 hours a day talking so someone in person, but quite common online.
Why does that matter? Link below.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/brain-waves/201803/how-do-you-make-or-maintain-friends-put-in-the-time

This is an online community. Evangeline (site admin) has spoken about her online and long distance relationships in the past. Why anyone would come to a place like this and insist that D/s cannot happen in any online setting is beyond me. You like bicycles, fair enough...but don't show up to your local Cars & Coffee meet and rant about motorized vehicles destroying the planet.

Hisproclivity​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2018

While many have strong views on the subject.. It's honestly their preference. I am over seeing how online isn't "real." When I first found this lifestyle (a CNC fantasy) I was an observer. I didn't jump head first. I enjoyed the online aspect.. I felt safe/secure. Online allowed me to get my feet wet and later experience IRL. A friend asked me recently if I now would only do IRL (after experiencing the intensity); the build of emotions and mental connection online is all consuming so my answer was No. I am mentally fueled and online (for me) was incredibly satisfying. Assuming all online is just looking to get off is pure ignorance. I can assure you, I was not looking to get off; I was looking for connection, experience, a mental match, etc. Different strokes for different folks.. But let's stop with the.. My kink is more "real" than yours.

Bunnie • Jun 24, 2018

I don’t understand why they even need to be compared tbh. We don’t compare kinks. We all just accept that there are many different kinks, and we have different tastes, and require different things to be satisfied. Why is the foundation of what we consider a relationship any different? Ultimately, it seems to be about connection... how you achieve that is between those involved within the relationship. I say each to their own.... and I also say, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. Participants are participants... spectators are spectators. Watching a game from the sideline doesn’t make you know what it feels like to be an athlete.
As for the question of giving yourself to someone you know won’t always be there... that’s submission... that’s relationships... that’s life. There are no guarantees with anything. No matter online or in person... nothing guarantees that the person you’re giving yourself to is going to stay.

Asteria​(neither female) • Jun 24, 2018

Bad, unhealthy relationships suck, and it does not matter whether they are online or IRL.

I was in a relationship (IRL one) where sex, communication and intimacy didn't exist for pretty long time (that was also the reason why it has ended, but that's not the point in here). I lived in the same apartment with a person who refused to talk to me, to touch me etc. But yeah, it was "real" as hell.

Now I am in a relationship which has started as purely online, but evolved into LDR. Still, because of distance and circumstances, it is probably 75% "online". And now the funny thing - it is far more "real" than what I had in that previous, long term relationship.

Of course, it is not easy and it is frustrating at times. But then again, are IRL relationships easy? The whole debate is, for me, a bit like trying to prove who has a nicer car;) If someone wants to be an asshole in a relationship, it does not matter whether it will be IRL or online. If someone wants to lie, it does not matter either. Of course, real life has its advantages and those are difficult to deny (physical contact can’t be replaced, that’s true), but that does not mean that IRL is the only legitimate and righteous way to do things.
And in terms of jerking off... is for example going to the club, hitting on a nice girl for one night stand and forgetting her name afterwards very different if you’d look at the purpose of it?


ps. Oh, and sometimes, if you’ll find the right person, jerking off on the computer can be pleasant and rewarding as hell, I assure you.