Bella duPuy(sub female){Not lookin}
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5 years ago •
Mar 2, 2019
Total Agreement ... AKittenforSir wrote: Two things to consider.
1. Although you adore each of your partners and can see all of their amazing qualities, I’m sure you aren’t naive enough to be blind to their shortcomings as well, right! They aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. They have bad days or the occasional bad mood. But you love them anyways, and those “bad” traits aren’t what stand out to you. It’s the same in reverse. You may have weaknesses and shortcomings but they love you anyways. All of your amazing qualities are what they see when they look at you. 2. You must be pretty amazing. Not only did you get one person to love and commit to you; but you instead have three amazing people who continuously chose you as their partner every day. That says something about you. ... with this summation, i am! Brava!!! Now, Beloved - ... Celebrate, the Beauty of you, my dear, for you ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you for Being so, and giving U/us a light to see the beauty within O/ourSelves, and O/others. |
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Online now
SynUnrestricted(dom female)
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5 years ago •
Mar 3, 2019
Thank you.
But I don't think they will go for that. To much pressure on them. But thank you for the idea |
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Bella duPuy(sub female){Not lookin}
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5 years ago •
Mar 3, 2019
... Hm ...
....... That sounds like Your 'unworthiness' "talking" again. i'm willing to bet that T/they are more willing to do so than You believe T/they are. Give them a chance. Give Yourself a chance to soar. Here's what W/we all must remember, W/we can not give to O/others what W/we O/ourselves do not possess. If You haven't any Love for Yourself, how can You pour out of Your own Self to give to someone else? Then You must ask Yourself, "is what i'm giving to T/them, genuine? Or am i playing a role, praying for validation in return?" Find Your worthiness within, my dear. Find Your validation from within. You are worthy. Your Life and Being are valid. You are Loved. You just have to begin to believe that about Your-Self. Once You see Yourself as worthy, You'll love Yourself and T/them better than You do, currently. Be well Precious. |
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Miki(masochist female)
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5 years ago •
Mar 3, 2019
I am in no relationships. I entertain many partners from time to time so I don't really fit on this thread except the "Not good enough" thing. Never let yourself feel that way. The only ones who "aren't enough" are the ones out for their pleasure only and once they get their rocks off they're done. Roll over. Cover up. Start snoring.. Or (possibly) worse, they get dressed and leave.
From what you described in the initial post you're definitely "good enough" at the very least. The only likely shortcoming? You're human. I can say with reasonable confidence that in here and out there, no one can claim they're not.... (Unless some extraterrestrial vehicle, commonly referred to as an UFO-- dropped off a batch of somewhat twisted aliens who come on here to mingle with us kinky earthers.. Any of those please stand up. I'll take you to my leader.-- if you play hard with me first) So, yucks aside, with the human-ness comes an assortment of quirks, foibles, bad habits and all that crap. BUT "Not good enough"? Whoever holds such lofty standards forgets their own. Best thing? Be yourself. be honest, and let yourself enjoy the pleasures and happiness your scene offers. |
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Daddy Zo(dom male){Goodgirly}
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5 years ago •
Mar 3, 2019
As long as your partners are happy with you then I would not not worry about it . You have been accepted for who you are today . As you are now . If you want to change, do it for you. Living as you do all the people that care and love you the way you are or you would not have a good relationship.
What ever has happen to you in the past has shaped who you are today and in doing so as attracted the lives of the people who have taken the time to know you . Just keep in mind who you are today is what brings out what you love in the people around you. So do what you do and change if ya want but as long as you do it for your self . No matter what they will still be there and love ya . That is how it works . There are no conditions in love . As far as life and being realistic goes, if you need to bring more to the table then take it slow and simply think it through and I am sure you will find support from your lovers and family there. |
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SynUnrestricted(dom female)
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5 years ago •
Mar 4, 2019
Thank you Sirzozo and Miki.
I do understand. I'm actively trying to redirect my thoughts when such other thoughts occur. It's difficult but I will get there |
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LifeAdventures(switch female)
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5 years ago •
Jun 6, 2019
I came across this thread late. Would it be possible to find a kink friendly therapist to talk with? Clearly, your objective side understands that you have a lot to offer. You are a huge blessing to your partners taking care of mundane stuff. That does not make you less. It makes you valuable.
That said, knowing this and feeling it deep inside do not always go hand in hand. Many years ago now, I was involved in a non-sexual, domestic discipline relationship with a man who helped me work on my self-esteem along with some self-destructive habits. One thing he made me do was journal my thoughts... and then respond to them as if my friend had written them. It helped me to be a bit more objective. Also, I was banned from being overly critical of myself verbally. It was a spanking offense to say unkind things to others and that included myself. Lastly, he made me repeat positive mantras to myself in the mirror. He changed them sometimes, but they all had to do with me being attractive, valuable, worthwhile. He made a huge difference in my life and two other girls that I got to know through him. He passed many years ago now, but will never forget him. I wish you the best. |
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SynUnrestricted(dom female)
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3 years ago •
Jul 26, 2021
Unfortunately the relationship ended after 8 months due to the communication deteriorating and me being left out.
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MisterAshmodai(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Jul 27, 2021
I am sorry to hear that things ended on what sounds like a difficult note.
An unfortunate shortcoming of poly or ENM is that it lacks the textbook romanticism often applied (with little actual consideration) to monogamous relationships. It is often viewed as an escapist means of reaping the benefits of being in a relationship without having to deal with the difficulties that come with any deep connection. Whereas many deficiencies with a monogamous relationship can hide beneath the thick, dark blanket of puritanical romanticism, these issues can go unnoticed in poly, as well. Though, for very different reasons. Effective poly relationships actually require their participants to embody patience and strong emotional organization. Compursion, compassion, communication are all key elements and it is far too easy to allow something important to slip through the cracks if you are constantly giving in to the temptation of doing what is fun instead of taking the time to do what is necessary. While ENM has been infinitely more rewarding than monogamy for me, like anything worth the effort, it requires a lot of work. Finding people who understand the benefits of that work can be difficult, especially considering the allure that ENM offers those who are emotionally mature enough to see them. As far as the doubt with which you still struggled, that is fairly normal in any non-monogamous relationship. The key to working on it is communication. If that was missing, there was nothing else that would have helped. A strong self image is only so attainable through introspection. |
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SynUnrestricted(dom female)
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3 years ago •
Jul 27, 2021
Thank you all for your advice and support. It meant and means a lot
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