How do people like to be approached?

How do people like to be approached?

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

I'm curious to know how people like to be approached? I mean beyond the obvious, e.g., politely with respect, do you want people to message you directly? Do you want them to ask about your profile? Do you want them to tell you about themselves first?

I ask because I've never seen anyone, myself included, address this positively in their profile. If its addressed at, its usually negatively as in 'don't send me intimate pics' but virtually never positively as in 'do ask me about my kinks' e.g., what people want to be asked or discussed in a first message from someone else.

As for myself, I would like to know why they liked my profile or something about me they are curious about.

lifedomhere​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

When you get down to it, it's not a lot of ways to be approached on this site. Someone sends a message or comment somewhere, and that's pretty-much it. Like you said, it's also about how that initial message is crafted. Is it respectful, flirty, kinky, rude etc. But what does the "approach" look like after the first hellos have been exchanged?

As for me, I believe the approach extends beyond that first message. Heck, it extends beyond the first several messages. Somewhere in that approach, I desire to see a plethora of meaningful engagement. A lot of subs I encounter place a lot of focus on just the sexual or kinky side of all of this. Sure, that's a part of it. However, being collared involves much more than just the kinky side of things... it's a lifestyle shift for everyone involved.

That said, I desire a sub to approach me with an openness to discuss some of the everyday things that come with being collared. For example... Is she willing to relocate, how does her family view her interests in BDSM (do they even know), has she considered what being collared and a single mom may be like, what about her career... how might being a sub affect that?

I don't think a sub has to have answers to all these questions. However, if the sub can engage in an intelligent conversation about possibilities surrounding these questions or topics, then she'll gain my favor much faster than most other folks who approach me.

This is a very interesting question. Thanks for asking this!

cynthiajoy • Aug 8, 2021

A good way to approach myself is to start with what i have wrote in my profile and find items that we have in common. Asking questions, both ways, is a good way to understand what each of us mean. We all can attach different meaning to a lot of our words. i feel that in the bdsm world we are more lucky than the vanilla world in that we want to know everything and have real feelings for the other. We know going into all of this that we are trying to enter into an unequal relationship, but not an abusive one. From the outside it may be confusing, but what we do is consensual.

Both sides have needs to be met. It is like one hand washes the other and both are clean.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Aug 8, 2021

For me I really do not mind if the first message is long or short as long as it is not a generic message that He/She sends to everyone. My profile is pretty detailed so receiving a message that's stating our similarities would be nice. I also prefer to have a decent conversation first rather than talking sexual stuffs right away.

gabriel kerry​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

I personally start very slow which tends to turn most off. Hi, enjoyed your profile. BORING. I keep the boring vanilla conversation only because I am looking for one in particular. That one will appreciate my approach. But it sure does tend to turn people off.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

I like ppl to be upfront, courteous, and respectful.

Alternight​(switch male) • Aug 8, 2021

In a general sense, I want you to speak to me as a person first before a potential play partner. If you jump straight into it, whether you're a sub or a dom, we're probably not going to work out.

In other words, I prefer people to slow their roll a little bit. By all means, talk about profiles, similarities, kinks, and whatever else- thats the nature of the place. But if you jump straight into giving me an order or something like that, thats a major turn off.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2021

It means a lot to me if I can tell that the person I'm communicating with has taken the time to read my profile whether they are looking for friendship or something more.
I also need a picture at some point otherwise it becomes just words on a screen and I just can't connect.
Lastly, friendship comes first, kink comes last.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, if the person I'm communicating with expects me to sit all day with phone in hand just waiting for the next message so I can pounce on it, forget it. I have a life and I would hope the other person does as well.

CSI • Aug 11, 2021

Great question. I love people to ask about or point out something in either my profile or my blog that interested them and I love it when they tell me about themselves. If I am the one to reach out first, it is to send a compliment or tell them something I enjoyed about their profile/blog. I think my problem is that if there is no follow though, I don't chase after people. I won't sit there and wave a flag to be like "hey, person, me sending you more than one message means I am interested in you" and I have run out of fireworks and glitter to shoot off to those same people.

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand: I prefer talking about everyday stuff and seeing how we get along as everyday people. I am willing to talk about kinks on the surface just to see if they mesh, but not going to go into particulars (like how big of a dildo or penis I can handle or how much of a mess I can make) until I am convinced they will be around for more than a couple of weeks.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Aug 11, 2021

I like people to simply be up front and pleasant. What I especially DON'T like are messages asking questions already answered on my profile, demanding personal details without offering any of their own, and most especially the frequent "Are you ready to serve me in all ways and obey me in all things?"