Questioned role

Questioned role

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 2, 2021

This is something that's been on my mind for a while.

Twice so far my role has been question in the wrong way from others and I take offense to it. I identify as a Master and my role has been acknowledged by many others in my area of the community.

The first instance was a sub and a dom/switch told me to my face that I'm not a Master and questioned why I'd think such a thing, then scoffed at my response. As that had not be done before it made me rake a good look at myself and how I saw myself as an active member of the community. It was a bit depressing, but I feel I came out feeling more confident about myself.

The second instance was from a sub who wants relations that plainly said that we need to seek the knowledge of a more e experienced Master or Mistress to assist us with our dynamic. This made me awestruck, as if how could anyone that's known me at all could have even considered suggesting such a thing. As if they didnt know me at all.

Maybe this would e been better off as a blog, but it's made me wonder who else has been through similar things.

CSI • Sep 3, 2021

I know that I am regularly told I am not a submissive, but that may be because I am strong-willed (as many submissives are). I just say that means I am not their submissive. They showed they were not worth any more time as they didn't see what was in front of them, which is what I thought about when I read your post.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 3, 2021

This hasn't happened to me personally. On the contrary I have had people insist I am a submissive when I insist that I am not; I merely take on a submissive role when I fuck.

Aside from that I'm willful, headstrong, and yes quite stubborn. But those qualities, properly handled, help me to be as fiercely independent as I am and have been for years.

As to your misadventures (O P), I can't really comment because information is lacking.. How long you've known these people, how they carry themselves overall and so-forth.

Could also be they're reacting to how they perceive the way you carry yourself, and they wanted to see if they could frost your ass by proverbially twisting your balls and eliciting a reaction.

As you indicated you were indeed offended by this happy horseshit, so maybe that was what they were striving for because you are an acknowledged master in your area of the community.

There are a lot of people who like to evaluate someone, in part, by how they react to challenging questions or statements. Not that it is "OK" to say things like that to you or anyone, but at the end of the day they're going to do what they're going to do and the best response is no overt response. Let them get their jollies some other way.

I get all kinds of challenges from time to time, but I am confident enough in what I want and how I roll that I basically ignore pointless challenges and walk away.

Like me? That's nice.

Don't like me? Your (RHET) prerogative .

No skin off my ass.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Sep 3, 2021

I get things like this from a lot of people too. I find that mostly they throw it out there when I won't just roll over and give them what they think I need without any concrete interactions. I also frequently get told I'm 'not the type' as if anyone but myself can know such a thing. Just because I don't constantly act out my role with everyone I meet doesn't mean anything except that I likely do not know them (and if I do I probably don't like them) well enough to show them that part of me. I've always believed that it was something special that is meant only for the right people and if they don't like it or want to take the time to know me enough to see that part. Meh. not my chair, not my problem.

BratAubri​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

I was just told recently that I cannot be a submissive, a brat, and a slave... *rolls eyes*

People are so rude. If you feel like a Master and you like being called as such. If it puts you into your Dominant groove and headspace then so be it. You are whatever you want to be in your dynamic. It is YOUR dynamic. Don't let outsiders dictate that

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 5, 2021

OK, a couple of things,

- I have a magic 3 rule. If 3 or more unrelated people or sources give feedback or mention something, I take a closer look at it. Doesn't mean I will do what they think I should do, just that maybe the universe is telling me something. It pans out more often than not. This is a personal thing. I don't tell them I'm looking into the thing and I don't report to anyone what I decide. I just use that impetus to take a deeper look. For example, in as many days, three people said I should join Toastmasters. So I checked it out and did end up joining a group, and it was a great experience.

- While no one can define you and many will tell you to do it your way, we do have models of behavior that tell us certain things. Don't believe otherwise. Many people behave in subtle ways as their true nature dictates. But it may also be contrary to what they believe about themselves. It is normal and appropriate to have expectations as to the behavior of someone based on their title.

If you met a teacher who sounded uneducated or a doctor who spoke of even the most basic medical terms incorrectly, you would be wary and rightly so. We need to stop running our mouths about this lifestyle being all accepting and non-judgmental. BS. We engage in a lot of danger-filled activities, not the least of which is messing with someone's heart and mind. Only a fool trusts that casually without discernment.

If you met a person who said they wanted a relationship and then spent the whole date telling you why they are not good enough for a relationship, you would most likely decide they weren't ready based on their behavior. If someone said they were deeply into heading a TPE relationship but their life was a mess and they didn't seem in control of anything, you WOULD most likely doubt them.

And if it is more common than not that you meet submissive partners who give you this same feedback, look at that since it may be pinged on why you can't find a sustainable relationship or partner.

So take the feedback with a grain of salt and privately look at it. Maybe you are right where you belong. Maybe you have room to grow... these decisions are your business and no one else's.

- As far as the dom/switch is concerned. In my world, there is no such thing. You are a switch which means you top or bottom OR you are a Dom or sub. Master or slave.

Very few are the two latter distinctions. I don't see how being a switch makes him an expert to judge or be rude to anyone's dominance.

- As far as Mastery goes, it is also very rare. Lots of people give themselves that title. But in a nutshell, mastery means you have spent a good amount of training and time and have mastered something. Therefore logic dictates that you aren't my master until you have mastered me. When I am approached by a master and I ask them what they have mastered, they usually run away.

Having said that, carry whatever name you choose. Some people will accept that and others, usually, very experienced people will want to know how you came to be that thing. Did you earn your leather? Were you acknowledged by other Masters? Did you go through a mentorship?

It is much more than a title box once clicks on their profile. So if you have any doubts, again look at it. If not, cool beans. You owe no one an explanation.

H*

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 5, 2021

I'm often told I'm "to nice to be a Domme" quite often actually! Most of the time because I say please and thankyou and have some general manners. I also often get the same as you mention online (not so much in person) when I reply "politely" like the person has some "worth" to ME (of track but, rolls eyes cause something worthless, is something I want?!? I want to take your power, if its GONE on the first offer, what is left to take ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Apparently being Dominant means to some, that we Dominants should treat them like crud on our shoe just because they are submissive and reply to them as such. Even when we don't own them (thats actually against accepted community standards and shows how shinny newb you are)...apparently we Dominants are supposed to remind them of their role. Personally I'd like to know when it became our job to make a person submissive, rather than them offering submission to be taken. Its called power exchange for a reason..but thats whole other post and I'm NOT going to rant on that now.

I personally find it funny that because I'm not screeching like a howler monkey in a pleather catsuit, wielding my per-verbal sex store, discounted cat, 24/7, then I'm not a a "Domme" or might some how switch (heck had one yesterday tell me, unless my "slave" is chained to the foot of my bed, I'm not a Domme. Excuse me while I get out of my leather jimjams and get into something more uncomf..I mean comfortable LOL)

I'm not everyone's Dominant and nor would I want to be. I'm the Domme to those that matter to me. Others opinions of me (in a BDSM sense) don't really matter when it comes to "how Domme'ly I appear to others"
What matters to me, is me and mine, that we know and understand our roles and what that means to each of us. I'm a sadist that doesn't mean I cant be a "nice" person too to those not owned by me! I'm a sadist, that doesn't mean my play style is "always" polite. My sadistic streak come out to those that I own and have consented to it. I personally think its rude to treat others like I owned them.

Honestly stop worrying about others think. You can NEVER please 100% of the people all of the time! just try please you and yours!
Most people have this fantasy in their head and that can never fit into the real world, there response is often blaming the Dominant when that is pointed out (like in situations you mention). I bet 9/10 when your called "not Dom enough" it cause you popped their fantasy bubble. It often easier to blame another (as in the Dom) than to actually see it might be you.

Like subtle hush said so well...

It is much more than a title box once clicks on their profile. So if you have any doubts, again look at it. If not, cool beans. You owe no one an explanation.

Her magic self rule is also pretty damn sweet!

edited cause on fast re read.... I was channeling Yoda WTF! "Slave bring me coffee" ohh lookie, I sound more Domme now *rolls eyes again*

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 6, 2021

Yeah you're way too nice, Bonnie...

Years ago when I first started getting into being a twisted sister, I had assumed all dommes were like Cruella DeVille (Esp. the one from the original 101 Dalmations book which still graces some children's library shelves)

Such a disappointment! Please and Thank you too?

Sheesh!

Koelntop​(dom male){ } • Sep 11, 2021

A couple of things to say to your post

1) If you are truly happy in yourself and the dynamics of whatever relationships that are happening in your life - Do other peoples opinions really matter?
Sub or Dom be proud of your nature and if in a relationship work to make it the best you can

2) Reading between the lines of your post maybe it would be worth your time to ask someone you trust to give you their honest opinion on your communication style as often a misunderstanding can lead to a bigger issue

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 11, 2021

@Koelntop
By the first instance that had me troubles I did seek the advice of a fellow Master within the MAsT community that many look up to. He assured me of how easy it is for others to make us a question our faith in ourselves and that a lot of the things I've said during meetings made sense which showed I have a good understanding of the M/s lifestyle.

The second and most recent instance just made me question more so as to why someone would have relations with someone of whom they're questioning their Dom/ Master of their understanding of their role, like wtf lol.