Domming while being a switch

Domming while being a switch

dunyasha​(switch female) • Sep 28, 2021

I need some advice as how to domme as a switch, and how to domme a switch. My boyfriend and I are both switches, he leans dominate and I lean submissive but obviously being switches that can change but I don’t have a lot of experience being dominate, especially with a man.

And from what I can tell the style of domination he wants doesn’t really line up with how I would prefer to domme, he seems to enjoy an almost controlled serving type of submission and I more so prefer to be a soft dom? But what frustrates me the most is that he tries to control the way I domme while telling me he wants me to control him?

And I can take brattiness but his version of being a brat is straight telling me no/completely disobeying what I tell him, then when I try to reprimand that by saying oh you can’t cum for a day or something like that he’ll still just say no. We plan on talking more thoroughly about how he’d preferred to be dommed and how I prefer to domme and hopefully find a good medium but I’d like to hear some advice if anyone’s got any.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 29, 2021

Switching is typically topping and bottoming. (In the moment for the purposes of playing or scening)

Dominance and submission is more a relationship dynamic. As is Mastery and being a slave. Evidenced in day to day life.

The terms are not interchangeable.

So if you are switches, I’d suggest you read both the topping book and the bottoming book together.

That might help you to discuss how you each fit into your relationship. Compatibility is hard even if on the same page with wants and needs.

If this is about playing and a scene you might each need to play with others to get your needs met.

If you seek the day to day relationship of power exchange you should research more as it seems you both have more to figure out.

Good luck

H*

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 30, 2021

I think first and foremost you have to ask yourself what you would like. The mindset comes when the mindset comes. How would you want to use his body, what feels good, what is arousing? Also what felt good on you. It might feel awkward in the beginning but if your boy is blocking that part by talking and watching you could blindfold him and tell him to be silent. He might be insecure too. Being that about changing roles is not just your privilege.
There is nothing bad about being insecure first. Switch or not, all if us were when we started. It is natural. Just don't let him tell you the whole time how to dominate him. As far as I see you do that cause he wants it and he is topping from the bottom? Lol. He can't go into the mindset and you have problems too. It is ok, no pressure... it should be fun and it will be easier over the time. And yes, you will make mistakes... we all do.

Again, ask yourself what you want and what is a turn-on. Discuss it, decide and then his time to dom you is over .

Be patient with yourself. And you decide what kind of dominant you are. It is your choice only. I am not a fan of chastity devices, but maybe a way. What do you think? What will you do if he is completely disobeying... I mean he has a safe word, so what will do?

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 30, 2021

As a switch you can't expect to completely line up with your partner on both terms. Depending on the dynamic agreed upon you could just do what you want and completely take control of the situation, but consent of such was not specified. If not, and you're unable to change perspectives to match his while being the Domme, then you may have to consider either having another partner or gaining the direct assistance of a mentor.

MrVesper​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Sep 30, 2021

As a switch its sometimes difficult to avoid topping from the bottom. Start slow. It doesn't sound like the two of you are looking for TPE. And that is cool. Instead take the time to discover how to balance the dynamic.

To back up what Sasa put forward, She has really good advice. Put yourself and your pleasure first. Relax and let it evolve.

Part of submission is surrendering the perceived need and allowing the top to define the scene/moment. You can strike a balance of what he is looking for from servitude and reward yourself with you're style of sensual dominance or vice versa. If you all have clear communication before and after you will start to work it all out.

Its also difficult for the bottom to 'take charge' and you soon realize the pressure of what the top goes through. Again, be patient. Take it step by step, and use what turns you on a s bottom to feed your top appetite.

LaceCorset​(sub female){Not lookin} • Oct 5, 2021

Sasa and MrVesper offer great advice and I appreciate this thread.

When I switch I try to keep it simple… is this scene bondage, servitude etc… taking off my thong and tying it as a cock ring is a favorite and him wearing it quietly in public is a fun twist. Sometimes he makes me wear a plug to the hotel lobby for drinks.

It’s finding that dynamic when you look at each other and know who is taking charge. Explore and have fun.