Incorporating sexuality into everyday living

Incorporating sexuality into everyday living

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 13, 2021

i've noticed occasional comments in profiles and forums on meeting sites like: "it's not all about sex" or something similar. It sort of comes of as chiding or correction, as though sex and our sexuality is somehow less important than other stuff, or even base or somehow bad?  It strikes me as internalized sexphobia? 

i really like sex and sexuality. i love the feelings it evokes in me and my mate, so why would i avoid it or relegate it to part time status? And yeah, i get that 'familiarity' can breed a sort of boredom or even contempt. To me that does not have to mean unfamiliarity or rationing, rather it's an invite to discover ways of incorporating and keeping our sexuality fresh and continuous.

 i think many kinksters have figured out that sex is not always about the orgasm, that lots of kink is about prolonging the journey of pleasure for each concerned. i think there are endless ways to do this, ways that can make sex and our sexuality a 24/7 experience, holistically incorporated into our everyday life.

 i can imagine all sorts of ways to do this and thought it would be a good thread where we can discuss thoughts and ways to incorporate sexuality into everyday life.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Dec 13, 2021

I think you're over-reading "it's not all about sex" ahah, posting on a BDSM website is arguably an admittance that you are, on some level, here for/about sex/regard sex highly in your relationship. Almost all of the people that I've seen have that line in their profiles are women, which from my guess is to try and tip off some suitors that they aren't going to be interested in hookups or sexting. I doubt it's very effective, lol.

That said it's also just a casual indicator that you're not always going to be thinking about sex? Same boat as those who do specify in their profile a very high libido or a desire for their partner to be comfortable with sex all the time, whenever they want. That relationships can't be built on the quality of the sex. You're in a relatively unique position @tallslenderguy in that you do seem to have a very genuine interest in BDSM/sexual life beyond the excitement of it (not to suggest you don't like the excitement), but I don't know if I'd say it's a common interest to have. People discussing sex in detail on a forum for sex may be skewing your perception of that slightly.

To directly answer the thread's point, I don't know how people have the energy for sex more than twice a day. I think I'd prefer to just have a progressive buildup or teasing throughout the day leading up to it - stretches out the enjoyment a bit more for me.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 13, 2021

Thanks for your reply Kinghtsundere.

What you say in your last comment, at least for me, hit's on an important distinction. For me, sex isn't equal to orgasm, that's really only one small component for me. Orgasm has the effect of putting my desire on pause for awhile, and it always has a disappointing factor for me. my 'total bottom' wiring is connected to my Tops pleasure (also not necessarily orgasm). So really what i am getting at is ways to sort of edge, or maintain our sexuality just below a thin surface if not part of it always being surfaced. To me this is only sustainable when there is/are mutually held kinks, i.e., it has to be a deep desire, better, even connect to need, in both.

i'll give one of many examples (for me). Watersports (WS) can be just a body function for me, but can easily be sexualized with a Top who WS can be sexual for. Pissing is a regular occurrence for a Top during the day, and peeing is for (this) bottom. Right there, sexualization can begin for both just in the distinct terms used. i learned this from a Top who did this, He explained matter of factly that Tops piss, bottoms pee, and somehow, the distinction excited us both. He went on to ask and explain that i should sit to pee and that He stands to piss. For me, subtle mind fuck is really powerful. He also made the distinction that His piss was a form of 'seed', while mine is waste.
This is just part of how we sexualized piss/pee, and it has all sorts of other ways turn voiding into 'sex' of a sort. There is no orgasm or exhaustion involved, it's taking a natural frequent occurrence that we can both easily feel sexual about and connecting with it through out the day.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Dec 14, 2021

Sex and sexuality has wide scope and has different meanings for each individual. Explaining what it means for the individual and connecting that to more specifics would help in understanding what they are actually looking for and how they see themselves.

I'm definitely one who likes to build anticipation through play and dialogue. But at the same time, my desires and circumstances are constantly shifting. Sometimes I want no orgasm, just edging, and other times I want many. This is also dependent on if I am playing solo, with someone, the established dynamic and my/their state of mind and intention.

Interesting topic 🙂.

Bunnie • Dec 14, 2021

I think for me it’s more in the context of how “sex” is conceptualised. Most often than not it’s seen as being about penetration or perhaps more specifically, orgasm. I see a big difference though, between “sex” and “sexualised.”

If you’re in the right place, with the right person for you (knows how to “unlock” you), I am of the belief that everything can become sexualised… through mindset, circumstances, or perhaps even “training.” If someone possesses an innate overwhelming desire/drive to please, anything can become sexual… even punishment, because it’s in that *desire* that the pleasure is found… not so much in the individual “acts” themselves.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 14, 2021

Snipped:



I agree and think @tallslenderguy gave a great example of that when he mentioned the WS scenario.

Re: Incorporating sexuality into everyday living

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Dec 21, 2021

Absolutely. Speaking only for myself here. I love watching her play with her kitty (just fingers). She has a beautiful manicure and pedicure. Many times I have no plans for joining in. But just enjoying how erotic it is. And if she can suck her own toes, it's crazy hot.

On the other hand she can be folding clothes or washing dishes and it can be off the meter with sexuality. We can find sexual beauty in the nastiest, freakiest acts or something that has absolutely nothing to do with sex. Great post.

Tradesman​(dom male){LilmissB} • Dec 22, 2021

For me as a huge sexually and physically driven person it isn’t just about the sex, if I had to rate it I’d say 49% sexual and 51% dynamic and bonding with my partner. Sex for me is a way of self expression. How could that be the case for example with a masochist? Simple, let’s say even if giving them pain is only 3rd on my list of kinks I’d like to be doing it’s still giving them pleasure and I can express how I care for them through that. But that gets into a whole deeper topic that I might just put a post up for rather than in the comments of someone else’s lol

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 22, 2021

Could be true for many, I don't know, I cannot really tell because all I see scattered all about the forum are posts here or there proudly stating that sex is only "50%" of the equation, not about squirting the Redi Whip or moaning in multiples---

There has to be a population out there who are actually into sex yet stick to the safe "crowd-pleasing" response. Law of averages and all that baloney.

It all reminds me of the hormone-driven kids of school and college age, like the ubiquitous jock-strap who get the curvy, busty girl to go out with him who insists that it's "...not about her body, , it's about her personality."

Horseshit on Rye.

.. and those hormones don't just vanish with the carefree, halcyon days of pre-career youth.

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For someone to step up and state that social interactions need to involve sexual activity would be refreshing. Honesty, fresher than a Spring morning instead of the usual smelly air found when stuck in a room with a serial hot-boxer.

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Speaking for myself, that's all it is, and I am never amenable to any other sticky-gooey relationship crap afterwards. I enjoy my full independence and peaceful solitude... and "never have I ever" been on a date with a dude who didn't wanna boff me in the end.

and there's nothing wrong with that in my book. After all, the object of the game was mutual, else I wouldn't have gone out with them.


That's all I have to say and of course, as they say at the end of every miracle weight loss pill commercial ever aired:

"Your Results May Vary"

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 22, 2021

i currently have a Man in my life who wants me to wear a jock He chose... all the time, even at work or when i am asleep. We're monogamous and we live long distance, so it's a way of connecting sexually when we're apart. On the infrequent occasion i may masturbate and climax, He want my semen on the jock. We have two of them and He uses one of them to smell my scent when He masturbates. When we see each other, we exchange them.
It's a simple thing, but wearing it at work under my scrubs makes me think of Him a lot, it's like He is cupping me in His hand. Or every time i have to pee, i see it and think of Him. Again, it's a simple jock, but we use it to incorporate sexuality 24/7.