Zvengali
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2 years ago •
Dec 13, 2021
Knightsundere
Ah from the mouth of babes, comes ca-ca..........No one in this lifestyle since its very beginning, has EVER , "forced people to sacrifice things they may not want to/being forced to participate in things they might not want" Either you dont have a great understanding of this lifestyle or have taken the time to learn about it. And therefore like most TODAY, you change the scenario to suit YOUR narrative. Everyone here comes with the knowledge that is a CHOICE they make, and what they sign up for in each bond. And if you feel your being forced to do anything and stay ? Then your in the wrong lifestyle kid...Everything here is consciously accepted. Anything other than that is ABUSE....READ, ABSORB, LEARN.... .......Zvengali |
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Online now
Knightsundere(sub male)
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2 years ago •
Dec 13, 2021
Zvengali wrote: Knightsundere
Ah from the mouth of babes, comes ca-ca..........No one in this lifestyle since its very beginning, has EVER , "forced people to sacrifice things they may not want to/being forced to participate in things they might not want" Either you dont have a great understanding of this lifestyle or have taken the time to learn about it. And therefore like most TODAY, you change the scenario to suit YOUR narrative. Everyone here comes with the knowledge that is a CHOICE they make, and what they sign up for in each bond. And if you feel your being forced to do anything and stay ? Then your in the wrong lifestyle kid...Everything here is consciously accepted. Anything other than that is ABUSE....READ, ABSORB, LEARN.... .......Zvengali ??? Maybe I misphrased it? I didn't mean forced in a personal context, I meant as in the rules of "tradition". READ, ABSORB, LEARN.... wise words my dude. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Dec 14, 2021
Knightsundere wrote: I don't think traditionalism is being pushed out, rather that the field of sexual expression that it falls within has been significantly widened as of late. Kink was pretty taboo per my understanding until a decade or two ago. When you've got a very tight knit community due to secrecy you end up with a lot more standardization, so it makes sense that once people start to discover and practice kink more freely, the definitions per each person loosen up to be what they learned to enjoy about it. And then those places that did have more refined control over who came and went end up fielding interest from people who don't see them as the only source for activity.
The reason I harp on how we older folks are being dismissed as being "problematic" is because of the frequent accusations of traditionalists being a weak link in the kink chain. Who knew that those of us who've been active for up to 25 years (and even more) would be seen as "breaking the chain" that they seem to believe they forged themselves - link by link? 🙄 |
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| StormiNix(sub female) |
2 years ago •
Dec 15, 2021
Ok, so coming from someone who is extremely new to all of this and from the looks of some answers, apparently a different generation entirely. I came of age at a time when "chokers" were jewelry, like necklaces, except are very snug around the neck, thus the reason for the name. Those I wear often and have absolutely nothing to do with whether I am in a D/s relationship at all.
That being said, I have worn a choker as in a ''dog training, pull on one end and it gets tighter" type of collar while in a relationship. At the time, nobody outside of the relationship had any clue what it meant or why I wore it. Nor was it their business. But people in the community, I am sure, would have known what it meant. For me, personally, collars are actual dog or cat collars that are bought in the pet section at Wal-Mart. So, when I am taken (e/i collared) it is very obvious. I have seen so-called "collars/chokers" in sex toy shops or online and given what I've seen, I completely understand the confusion. Hell, it would confuse me too, because most of those fall into the category of fashion accessories I described above. I hope this was helpful. ☺ |
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LongerJohnny(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
If I give someone a collar or choker (noun form) it could be for many reasons. Maybe I think it looks good on her, maybe it suits her style but she just doesn't have one in that particular color. She could be a friend or relative or whatever. The point is that the item is does not necessarily have any property or ownership implications.
However, if I collar someone (verb form) then it is more than a fashion statement, more than a simple accoutrement. In that case it has significant BDSM implications. Punk bands, cosplay enthusiasts, Elizabethan era ruffs, pet cones, whatever - it is not feasible that collars be limited only to how they are used in our lifestyle, irrespective of whether they conform to original standards or current trends. |
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ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
Some of these arguments sound similar to a married person being irritated that a single person decides to wear a ring on their left ring finger or Christians thinking that ENM married people are somehow disrespecting THEIR marriage because to them marriage means monogamy.
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: Some of these arguments sound similar to a married person being irritated that a single person decides to wear a ring on their left ring finger or Christians thinking that ENM married people are somehow disrespecting THEIR marriage because to them marriage means monogamy.
I don't see anyone "arguing" but instead relating what a collar means to *them* and their own particular mindset. I don't think anyone meant to devalue anyone else but maybe I missed the comment(s) that prompted your reply? 
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ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
WytchyWoman wrote: ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: Some of these arguments sound similar to a married person being irritated that a single person decides to wear a ring on their left ring finger or Christians thinking that ENM married people are somehow disrespecting THEIR marriage because to them marriage means monogamy.
I don't see anyone "arguing" but instead relating what a collar means to *them* and their own particular mindset. I don't think anyone meant to devalue anyone else but maybe I missed the comment(s) that prompted your reply? I didn’t mean arguing in the traditional sense but the position being taken. The comments I’m referring to are that other views are a ridiculous distortion or that collars should always have a meaning. Sometimes I just like to wear them because they look sexy. That shouldn’t really bother anyone else. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: WytchyWoman wrote: ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: Some of these arguments sound similar to a married person being irritated that a single person decides to wear a ring on their left ring finger or Christians thinking that ENM married people are somehow disrespecting THEIR marriage because to them marriage means monogamy.
I don't see anyone "arguing" but instead relating what a collar means to *them* and their own particular mindset. I don't think anyone meant to devalue anyone else but maybe I missed the comment(s) that prompted your reply? I didn’t mean arguing in the traditional sense but the position being taken. The comments I’m referring to are that other views are a ridiculous distortion or that collars should always have a meaning. Sometimes I just like to wear them because they look sexy. That shouldn’t really bother anyone else. None of my own comments on this subject were intended to criticize the choices someone else makes or their views. I don't see anyone else being critical either. It often seems that anyone expressing an opinion contrary to that of someone else is automatically labeled as being dismissive when I don't believe that was the intent. 
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ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Dec 16, 2021
WytchyWoman wrote: ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: WytchyWoman wrote: ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: Some of these arguments sound similar to a married person being irritated that a single person decides to wear a ring on their left ring finger or Christians thinking that ENM married people are somehow disrespecting THEIR marriage because to them marriage means monogamy.
I don't see anyone "arguing" but instead relating what a collar means to *them* and their own particular mindset. I don't think anyone meant to devalue anyone else but maybe I missed the comment(s) that prompted your reply? I didn’t mean arguing in the traditional sense but the position being taken. The comments I’m referring to are that other views are a ridiculous distortion or that collars should always have a meaning. Sometimes I just like to wear them because they look sexy. That shouldn’t really bother anyone else. None of my own comments on this subject were intended to criticize the choices someone else makes or their views. I don't see anyone else being critical either. It often seems that anyone expressing an opinion contrary to that of someone else is automatically labeled as being dismissive when I don't believe that was the intent. I’m not labeling any comments as dismissive but I do see calling others weird or that their views are ridiculous distortions as pretty critical, which was said on this thread. Self collaring has been criticized too without even bothering to try to understand. Either way I’m not offended. It’s just curious to me that the argument seems to be similar to ones about marriage or wedding rings. That because someone else doesn’t hold your (general you) significance to an item, they’re tarnishing how something should be revered. |
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