Not enough dommes out there

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 5, 2018

Je ne parlez pas Francais. Explain again please. ?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 5, 2018

Je ne parlez pas Francais. Explain again please. ?

Mre​(sub male){Owned} • Aug 6, 2018

"The ratio is 61 Dommes to 451 male subs. He's not wrong". Wow really! I better not misbehave and upset my Mistress. I'm off to clean her car. HEHEH

I hope all the sub men find a warm, strict Mistress at some point soon. I would struggle personally without my Mistress, thats for sure.

MrE

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 7, 2018

There actually are a lot of more submissive females. There are also a lot more dom males. I can speak from experience and observations. Chances are you haven't looked enough to notice because "their personal lives". I kind of make it a habit to look "that close" as well as in general in various locations. The ratio, in general, is much higher on the internet. The ratio, in general, is much higher in real life. If you think "munches are the answer" then, with all due respect, take your nose out of munches and look at "the whole world". You kind of need to look at people "not yet owned" and even "not yet in a relationship". Because it's not about "ownership alone". It's about "Acting as a dom or sub towards each other". It's a personality trait. And it's also something a lot of people will do for you if you get to know them and give then a good enough reason too (that is looking after them and seeing them as a person).

I don't just mean "doms" as in "Dominant as a label". I also mean it in terms of "Plenty of people enjoy bent bent over by someone else". And these events can potentially lead to D/s. Which means if someone enjoys being bent over, as an example, they have the potential to be a sub. Likewise if you enjoy bending someone else over then it potentially means you can be a dom. Because that's control. At least in the bedroom, though often beyond it as well. Many would just not label things and enjoy the fucking. But if you're enjoying "forced situations" then you are enjoying that. If you enjoy "getting it from behind" then you are submissive. At least in terms of "You totally let someone else control you with sex".

Speaking as someone that has operated in various locations where people enjoy "being bent over" I can say with confidence that the number of "sub females" is high and the number of dom males is high. Which is seen in said locations. I can also state that dom females is lower in number. Also seen in said locations. Sub males however are higher. Not seen in said locations. Is seen in personal lives and behind the scenes. A number being with other males. Surprisingly the number of "male and male" owners and subs is actually quite high in furry circles. Ownership is a thing they do at times. And no, that doesn't mean they pretend to be animals. The suits are simply a persona. Do you feel like you should be treated inhumanely and be forced to stack shelves as you're locked up with hardly any food and water by uncaring company because you're a sub that enjoys force? Rhetorical. Point made.

What can also be off putting is when you come across a female that is "dom like" yet then comes across as self centred. And since males get desperate and have competition with each other it can lead to lack of communication due to "Not wanting to lose that rare female dom". So in some ways... they kind of get away with it. I let them get away with it once but that was a mistake on my part. It is NOT your time alone. Everyhthing always operates under the bases of "our" time because we both matter. Always talk about "being fair" sooner rather then later or shit goes south down the line. There's a lot of male doms that can be like that as well of course (self centred), but where a male will typical try to be understood on the topic of sex the female will, typically, try to be understood on the topic of "anything other then sex". As if sex isn't "as important and something to not be talked about because it's about their needs alone". Being blunt, had an argument about "How it affects you" on other topics recently. Everything affects you and dictactes how we affect each other and vice versa, which is why I care about "Everything you enjoy" because "your happiness". Do you or do you not want to be accepted for "what you enjoy"? I could use the same argument for something like "online roleplay where a lot of people will want to get a fix from your posts without bothering to know you as a person". It's like "just a dom". Or "just sex". Do I enjoy it? Yes. Do either of us want to be "used and tossed aside"? No. The real question is do I enjoy any SINGLE topic ON ITS OWN without other things added into the mix? I can most assuredly say no to that. Which is why EVERY topic must be talked about in DETAIL. If I listen to EVERYTHING that is important to you then return the favour, eh? Or do you easily mistrust me and assume it's about "just one thing"? I value sex and things other then sex and make it clear as possible (and since so many people "just use you for roleplay" I kind of have to establish that too. People like it when I make it clear I see them "as a person and not just a character." Even if they make the mistake of trying to "just act like a character" at first. Which is the equivalent of "just like a dom". You can enjoy the "character" but you're not "just" that. And the irritating part is people act like they're "just" that in a variety of topics before you get the truth out of them. It's hypocritical to say the least. But at least it helps with finding out "They're those other things".

As a general rule males focus on sex a little more then females. There is of course plenty of other situations that can cause miscommunication which serves to have potential "would be partners" be together, but more often then not it either comes down to the sex topic. And, let's be honest, that can be off putting to a large number of females. Some males as well, but it's kind of "expected" to talk about it with the male gender. Which is actually rather bothersome in some ways. I can enjoy a good sex talk but it's like "Don't expect it to be the only thing about me". And don't assume it can't help with the "other things that don't involve fucking". You DO enjoy intimacy even if you deny it and act like you don't want a relationship because everyone likes to know they feel special. Intimacy isn't "mushy candlelit dinners alone" either. It can be "what you enjoy and what I enjoy". The sex helps with the none sex and the none sex helps with the sex. For you as much as me. And anyone that's claimed otherwise has been proven wrong after giving me a chance. It's called "plenty of both". I look after your things too. And go out of my way to do that to boot. Also, if anyone is going to give me "nope" logic, I'm calling it out. I face it on a daily bases, the same people that tell me "no" then later tell me "Oh, you was right". I can't predict the future any more then you can but I do know my own abilities and how to get you to enjoy what you think you can't. It's called "show and tell and know the situation by actually being in it while making it fun for us both".

Coming back to sub females, it might be because of history. Women have been known to be treated like objects in the past. And get raped more often (which can't help with sex concerns. not an excuse to easily mistrust though). But there is an appeal in "forced events". And even people that get raped get into rapeplay more easily. Which, arguably, can actually be rape at times if it's "spring on you without a yes and yet it's fine" (both from a legal and subjective standpoint). But that's only an issue if someone presses charges and as someone that enjoys being pounced myself I'm not going to court. In any event it's possible that when women find out about past history of how "their gender was forced into things" they look into it and see the appeal even if they see the ugly side. Or maybe they forced to see it because, let's be honest, social norms waves things in our faces and get judgemental about it (if you ever call what someone does as right or wrong instead of understanding reasons then you yourself ARE judging). There's an "easy reason" to see it. Males don't have that option. It's "already there and affects you because you're that gender". If something has a likely chance to affect me negatively then I'd look into it too in the interest of my well being. On a subconscious level if not a conscious one. Some people might not even know they do "subconscious research". Life is a learning process. We learn from others as much as ourselves. Some people pretend they "know themselves better" though. Your needs and desires are your own, but don't pretend you have all the answers when you tell me yourself you haven't bothered to think about a subject. You're not winning that argument.

As a male myself I too see the appeal in "forced events". I'll make a much shorter topic on that after this. Forcing things from others can be a good thing at times.

It's also worth noting that a LOT of "female doms"... are fake. There's only a few floating around on the cage (or at least I've only dealt with a few), but some other BDSM websites will have them everywhere. Asking for your email address as their first message before even getting to know you. So look out for that. Findom itself isn't always fake but it's certainty common enough for it to be. I simply refuse to believe it's genuine that 90% of female doms are into fendom alone. Therefor I'm subtracting that from the ratio. Leaving a more realistic 10% (give or take). On that note how come males get lectured about being "just about sex" while they're wise enough not to "demand money in the first conversation"? Why is it just females that do that acting as bad? It's like they're compensating or something. "You expect sex so I expect money?" Yea, no, let's not do expectations period.

A dominatrix is a dom yet they're more "business like". While scenes happen and people can get closer through them at times I view a dominatrix as someone that is much much less likely to "be there for you in all things" due to how business like it is. It normally involves money as well, and if it's "a job" that means it's less likely to get personal. A bit like a stripper. They are a dom, I acknowledge that. But I do not consider it likely that they will become an owner. Exceptions to the rule of course but in the dominatrix area it isn't as common. It's actually more likely for females to end up as owners when they're not a dominatrix. Perhaps because a dominatrix is viewed as "just a dom" more often then not? Let's be honest. Most want their fix and that's what they're there for.

It's also quite common for someone to already be on one side of the fence... and transition into the other. D/s wise. And I mean the labels too, not just the personality traits. Though the circumstances for this will vary greatly. That doesn't mean they remain "stuck" after exploring the other area either. Sometimes they go back, sometimes they go forward into "the other side" and sometimes they end up both (I recently got a message from a sub seeking... a sub. On this very site). it often happens at some point in a dom or subs life. And it doesn't make you "something you're not". Being a sub doesn't make you any less of a dom and vice versa. Nor does currently being "not either" make you less of the person you already are. You're adding, not subtracting. You're finding new experiences, not replacing what you already have (if anyone does try to replace anything though then kindly give them a fist sandwich from me).

I'm also not including switches for the most part even if they have D/s traits. So keep that in mind. Technically a number of switches do get "dom or sub like" but they have yet to "settle into either area". Unless a switch "does it both ways depending on with who". In which case those ones are included into the ratio. On that note the ratio of people that "are dom or sub depending with who when a switch" is lower then "switches that go back and forth in general with the same company". In some ways even doms and subs play a little "tug of war". It gets really technical. The whole "give and take" thing in relationships and all. Everyone wants to be approached for attention. And you, as a sub, ARE handling the dom as well. You actually direct them as much as they direct you. Even if you "ask" and they "order".

One last thing. I make it a habit to be around people on a personal level on a daily bases (I get close to people easily and make others better at that with me and others alike) and also have been around "public sexual places". Some BDSM related. Trust me, the ratio of women "getting it from behind" is most certainty much much higher there. It's also much much higher in "more private places" because, even though you don't see what happens in the rooms, you still see them walking to them together. And I'm talking outside of sexual places too. You can still find females that are willing to be dom for you even if not already though. The ratio may be less in your favour if you're male but taking an interest in someone and talking about the appeal of D/s which leads to "what matters and defines you as a person" will always work no matter the odds. The only way you're even going to get close to knowing the ratio yourself is if you make a real effort to get that close to others on a daily bases. Put your "relationship fears" aside and realise everyone wants to matter. Personally I ditch the labels and state the situation for what it is unless that's "We're obviously that close and you bend me over already". What happened to "I'm not interested in relationships which I made clear would happen if I was here"? The trick is in being given the chance. Do that and you yourself increase the ratio. With yourself. By being that sub male with that dom female.

Villanelle​(staff) • Aug 7, 2018

Almost all of my close friends are female dominants (although I have switch and sub friends and those who use other identifiers - or none). There are plenty of us femdoms around however we are often less visible due to two factors:

1) scammers and trolls who are louder and more visible than the lifestyle dominants in popular culture and on social media
2) many dommes prefer to be more in the background due to being harassed/stalked/inundated by males, subs or not, who fetishize female dominants and spam them with their kinky laundry list.

We are here. And as an administrator here at THE CAGE I am working hard to make sure lifestyle female dominants feel respected and valued here. Along with all of our lovely male dominants, submissives, switches, and everyone else who makes up our wonderful community of course. But this is not a default M/f community. We want it all and we want you all here.

Villanelle​(staff) • Aug 7, 2018

Oh and I thoroughly reject that BDSM enthusiasts skew more M/f. I've met so many women who developed a fascination with BDSM who only ever saw submission as an option for them as that's all that was ever represented. It's hard to aspire to something you don't even know exists. Thankfully there are now real femdom and femdom-friendly communities online and off. This is why visibility and representation is important, so that we all know we have options and that we don't have to be bound by other's ideas of who and how we should be.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 10, 2018

edited out: wrong page

noviceslavedavid​(sub male) • Oct 30, 2018

i agree that it seems 90 percent or more of the women here are submissive seeking dominant men. makes me wonder if I am in the right place. likely not.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Feb 11, 2019

There are far more Dominant Women then represented on here.

A fair amount choose not to be online at all and in and around London go to Events such the the LAM (monthly Sunday Fetish market and after party) and Club Pedestal. They also have their own private BDSM parties focused on Dominant Women to ensure only those with a mutually matching intent attend.

There are also private only High Protocol Dinners which are by invite only which Dominant Women attend so they can enjoy an evening how they wish.

So those men who are not compatible are not near them. Instead those men who are new or who are seeking "stuff-done-to-them" rather than giving thoughtful actions can go to play parties and be pandsred to by Service Tops. Leaving Dominant Women out of their laundry Fetish list.

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am