How do I find a Dom?

TreasureMe​(sub female){Belonging} • Aug 15, 2018

I really do understand the frustration of this. It's that feeling as a sub you just want fulfilled already. And we can't do it alone now can we?

As a newbie, I don't know as much as others on here, so what I say might not mean much.

But just know that what you're feeling is ok and normal when you're wanting to fulfill that ultimate craving of who you are as a submissive. But you also DO NOT want to settle or lower your standards.

Vetting doms on any forum is a process and not one to be taken lightly. I've found within myself that if I want a Dom to cherish my heart, I have to first be willing to do the same.

So honestly sweetie, just enjoy your conversations! Be open and honest always... With yourself and with them. Keep communication open and don't hesitate to say no if things just aren't working. You can't fit a square peg into a round hole.

I suggest just not having any expectations but to learn more about yourself and everything else will fall into place.

Good luck love!

What I've done so far

iluv2read4life69​(sub female) • Aug 17, 2018

On this site there is more of a forum and community but there are very few people where I live on this site, but I will update my profile with the stuff from my main looking site. I have taken a few online bdsm test and I've filled out a latches questionnaire that I will share with any dom interested. I've had a few Doms interested but I'm not sure what we should be talking about during the getting to know you stage (lol, I know I sound crazy) are we suppose to talk more about sex than anything else or what. I guess it's the process that I really don't know.

TreasureMe​(sub female){Belonging} • Aug 17, 2018

Iluv2read4life69,

I think it depends on what you're looking for. What the end goal is. But I'm personally really enjoying when a Dom mixes it up. But no pressure...if that makes sense.

In other words... doing everything possible to really get to know me as a person while also learning about my hard limits...soft limits...asking questions about what scenarios I may or may not be comfortable with. Things I'm will like to explore and why.

Anything that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable or like a peace of meat is definitely a good sign lol.

But communication and trust are the most important things. The sex will come and it will be great based on those two things as your foundation. If all they want to discuss is sex, I would move on.

I hope this helps!

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Aug 18, 2018

Ok I so agree take ur time and I know it hard but be patient. And try starting on as friends . which in my feel is also very important to any type of relationship. Also by being such first it helps in the getting to know stage . because there isn't and pressure at that point. Be safe and have fun

Hisgoodgirljenna​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2018

Just wanted to share. I spent 3 months with a Dom I met here on cage. I thought we connected on a deeper level. We were making plans to be together as we currently live in different neighbouring states. Falling pretty fast we were even saying “love you”. It was just clicking and moving along nicely. We had a lot in common and the emotions were flying. I really thought I met my soulmate, it felt that good! eventually I found out that he was still trolling for subs and saying the same things he said to me to them, this happened several times. He even created a second profile so he could troll without me knowing it was him. Obviously he made a few mistakes along the way and I was able to figure it all out. Anyway, broken-hearted I’m getting over it slowly. I guess what I’m saying is just be careful guard your heart.

Re: What I've done so far

LordofPain56 • Aug 20, 2018

In my opinion, sex and adult playtime activities should have the lowest priority in the stage of trying to determine if someone is right for you. Ask these questions of your potential partner: What is your current economic status? Employment status? Family oriented or happy-go-lucky type? Living arrangement; house, apartment, condo? relocatable if you are not? Life goals? Have kids? are they living with you?
Ask all the things you would normally need to know to determine if it is someone who is suitable for you, then find out details about his preferred adult playtime activities.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Aug 20, 2018

You're doing it all wrong. Talk to people. Get to know them outside their roles. Find someone you have much in common with and similar goals. Find someone who you look forward to talking with and feel comfortable around. Edit your profile to reflect who you are as a whole person. Think about the man you want to attract and write a profile that would appeal to hi.. Don't worry about anyone else......they're not who you want anyway. Be yourself; you want to be wanted for who you are, not a fake you.

Most importantly, be patient. Keep busy. Have an outside life full of activity. Learn new beneficial skills or widen your level of education. Know that quality seeks quality. Use your wait time to make yourself better. Cubic zirconia necklaces get snatched up at $5 by people but the $10,000 necklaces eventually get taken by those who appreciate the true value of things. Lady in waiting, shine on from your shelf. Know that your worth isn't in having a Dom but in having a quality one.

iluv2read4life69​(sub female) • Aug 23, 2018

All of your replies have helped me tremendously and I have been learning and talking to a lot of people and although I'm still looking I at least have a sense of direction about me lol. I have met someone that I enjoy talking to, not to say that he is the one but the journey doesn't seem rushed and we are just friends at the moment. He is the first one who didn't ask for a nude photo within the first 24 hours. I have figured out that this is not a task to be taken lightly and not to rush into anything. Again thank you for your knowledge!!!

Yolanda