ursa(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Jul 6, 2022
I'mME wrote: Hello,
I'm going to fist say no offense to MsLas, the word unicorn is not a good word. Mostly I believe the attitude towards the word is directed at the couples who word their ads and seek unicorns. It stems from the idea [s] of what is their exact role, will there be a contract, what if the couple have issues between them bc of the 3rd, what exactly is in it for the 3rd person, what if 3rd person gives up a home, their entire life will their be something for them should they decide 4o leave For the person who picks up their lives and moves across the country or put of the country. The 3rd is a human being something living and breathing. It's these kinds of questions that many never think to ask. Unicorns do not exist a'except in magical lands. I understand why the term might be problematic, but... really aren't *all* labels problematic in some way? A dear friend once described labels as "unfortunate time-savers" and I think that's applicable here. I believe people use the term "unicorn" to describe an available, poly, bi/pan person because, let's face it, those types of people can be rare. The "unicorn" is a person that both parties in the pre-existing couple have to have chemistry with, while the unicorn also has to be having needs met by the pre-existing parties. Trying to find *one* person to have a good, fulfilling, respectful relationship is hard - finding such a person can feel rare and valuable. Adding an extra person to that chemistry is like going up a difficulty level in the search for a new partner, making it feel like you're hunting a mythic, legendary beast - one that may or may not really be out there for you. However, I understand your concerns. I like the way this website explains what is "wrong" with the unicorn-ideal, and how to possibly get around it (mostly written for unicorn-hunters, so possibly not as applicable here, but I think it's a good way of acknowleding your concerns). https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/ For a TL, DR: You might go out hunting a Unicorn, but you may come back with the Musk Ox you didn't know you needed. Treat it well. |
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Online now
I'mME
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2 years ago •
Jul 6, 2022
ursa wrote: I'mME wrote: Hello,
I'm going to fist say no offense to MsLas, the word unicorn is not a good word. Mostly I believe the attitude towards the word is directed at the couples who word their ads and seek unicorns. It stems from the idea [s] of what is their exact role, will there be a contract, what if the couple have issues between them bc of the 3rd, what exactly is in it for the 3rd person, what if 3rd person gives up a home, their entire life will their be something for them should they decide 4o leave For the person who picks up their lives and moves across the country or put of the country. The 3rd is a human being something living and breathing. It's these kinds of questions that many never think to ask. Unicorns do not exist a'except in magical lands. I understand why the term might be problematic, but... really aren't *all* labels problematic in some way? A dear friend once described labels as "unfortunate time-savers" and I think that's applicable here. I believe people use the term "unicorn" to describe an available, poly, bi/pan person because, let's face it, those types of people can be rare. The "unicorn" is a person that both parties in the pre-existing couple have to have chemistry with, while the unicorn also has to be having needs met by the pre-existing parties. Trying to find *one* person to have a good, fulfilling, respectful relationship is hard - finding such a person can feel rare and valuable. Adding an extra person to that chemistry is like going up a difficulty level in the search for a new partner, making it feel like you're hunting a mythic, legendary beast - one that may or may not really be out there for you. However, I understand your concerns. I like the way this website explains what is "wrong" with the unicorn-ideal, and how to possibly get around it (mostly written for unicorn-hunters, so possibly not as applicable here, but I think it's a good way of acknowleding your concerns). https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/ For a TL, DR: You might go out hunting a Unicorn, but you may come back with the Musk Ox you didn't know you needed. Treat it well. Musky ox, lmao. Or a stinky skunk. 🤣 Could not help myself. |
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| KatyLatex(dom female) |
2 years ago •
Jul 7, 2022
Thank you for all the replies, and thank you to ursa for the website link. That was an interesting read, especially highlighting potential pitfalls, and certainly shows how the TV show skimmed over a lot of aspects … in particular it didn’t show any discussion or negotiation, just (subtly) people having group sex. So I did think there should be more to it than that, as outlined in the article.
On the face of it, it sounds like a hard challenge to find a suitable couple to join so it’s great to hear some of you have managed that. |
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moll(other female){owned slav}
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2 years ago •
Jul 8, 2022
Miki wrote: I have to weigh in.. People judging people by their sexual appetites has to STOP!
Stop issuing labels like "Vanilla" to people who don't wanna be (admit it, it's insulting isn't it?) Twisted Fucks like us? Do we or do we not resent people judging us? Yet we engage in judging them freely. Live our lives and take our lumps.. but never feel we are justified to sit in judgement of others. Calling someone "vanilla" is not an attempt at being insulting, at least not for most of us. It just differentiates between those who are into kink and those who are not. It's like saying... I'm a slave and my Master is ... a Master. Two completely different roles in the relationship. |
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NCarraway(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Jul 10, 2022
Re: Being a kinky unicorn in threesome KatyLatex wrote: I’m currently in an unusual relationship place myself where I already have an emotional relationship in my life, but am free to explore sexually. But I’m thinking it’ll be hard to find a sub who is only wanting a sexual relationship - most people are either cheating on partners which makes me feel uncomfortable or they want a full time relationship (emotional and sexual ). I’m wondering if joining a couple for threesome would be a better solution as they will not be cheating as their partner is present and included, and they will also not be looking for an emotional connection/life partner. Wondering if anyone has an experience or advice to share on this idea? (I’m in UK in case that matters.). Thanks Hi Miss Latex, Just as an aside, I didn't have a problem with your use of the word vanilla. We just have to remember that it is shorthand and thus brings different baggage to different people... Can you find what you are looking for? Undoubtedly you can. How quickly can you find what you are looking for? Well there is the rub. I think it depends very much on how much effort you put into it and how selective you allow yourself to be. There will certainly be many couples who on the face of it are what you are looking for but you will probably not get an idea how well you will jive with them until you start. In addition, you may find that your entry into their dynamic opens up instabilities if they have not properly prepared themselves. Those couples exist in the 'vanilla' or 'swingers' world just as they do in the 'kink' and 'power dynamics' world. My own advice is to figure out in detail what it is you are looking for, perhaps by journalling it out to yourself. If it is truly just sex then that might be an easier itch to scratch, if you want to experience power exchange and/or enter a real dynamic with several others then that is more challenging. I have myself been exploring group dynamics with a range of partners now for 18 months and this has, and continues to include, partners who have consenting significant others - so I know it can be done, and with the right people it can be fascinating and highly rewarding. Its rather trite to say but the key is simply to remain open and communicative ... not that you were not expecting that! It is an amazing journey to embark upon, good luck! |
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emmmllliiininenine(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Jul 11, 2022
I feel very similiar in regards to just wanting a honest sexual relationship, except from the perspective of a person in a relationship. Me and my husband are very happy, but we are both exploring kinks. The idea of doing a 3sum is great, but in all reality there are people who will cheat, want more than a sexual relationship, and lie about their situations. This is what has made it hard to explore. I would say joining a 3sum is a great option, and with both partners being open to it, you know that both partners are not cheating and 9/10 they dont want a relationship out of the sexual so it works for that too. We are in the position of wanting to find (possibly) someone (or couple) to explore with, but on the downlow sexual only way. To explore being kinky with. Plus im much more sexually active and kinky so he wants me to exlore (and he is very curious).
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I'mME
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2 years ago •
Jul 29, 2022
Re: Being a kinky unicorn in threesome NCarraway wrote: KatyLatex wrote: I’m currently in an unusual relationship place myself where I already have an emotional relationship in my life, but am free to explore sexually. But I’m thinking it’ll be hard to find a sub who is only wanting a sexual relationship - most people are either cheating on partners which makes me feel uncomfortable or they want a full time relationship (emotional and sexual ). I’m wondering if joining a couple for threesome would be a better solution as they will not be cheating as their partner is present and included, and they will also not be looking for an emotional connection/life partner. Wondering if anyone has an experience or advice to share on this idea? (I’m in UK in case that matters.). Thanks Hi Miss Latex, Just as an aside, I didn't have a problem with your use of the word vanilla. We just have to remember that it is shorthand and thus brings different baggage to different people... Can you find what you are looking for? Undoubtedly you can. How quickly can you find what you are looking for? Well there is the rub. I think it depends very much on how much effort you put into it and how selective you allow yourself to be. There will certainly be many couples who on the face of it are what you are looking for but you will probably not get an idea how well you will jive with them until you start. In addition, you may find that your entry into their dynamic opens up instabilities if they have not properly prepared themselves. Those couples exist in the 'vanilla' or 'swingers' world just as they do in the 'kink' and 'power dynamics' world. My own advice is to figure out in detail what it is you are looking for, perhaps by journalling it out to yourself. If it is truly just sex then that might be an easier itch to scratch, if you want to experience power exchange and/or enter a real dynamic with several others then that is more challenging. I have myself been exploring group dynamics with a range of partners now for 18 months and this has, and continues to include, partners who have consenting significant others - so I know it can be done, and with the right people it can be fascinating and highly rewarding. Its rather trite to say but the key is simply to remain open and communicative ... not that you were not expecting that! It is an amazing journey to embark upon, good luck! When you refer to joining a couple, are you talking about yourself joining a couple or someone joining you and your emotional relationship partner? |
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| KatyLatex(dom female) |
2 years ago •
Jul 30, 2022
Hi I’mME, I meant me joining an established couple, so I would be the third person in that dynamic. Not someone joining me and my emotional relationship partner.
I’ve had some really insightful responses, thank you to everyone who replied. |
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flitter'fly(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Aug 9, 2022
I speak only for myself.
I myself have been a Unicorn on and off again for many years. So I would just like you to know that I see you going I to this with the right head space and approach. For a Unicorn to come into a dynamic of another couple, you have to take the time to get to know them there dynamic and be clear on expectations and rules. Just like in this world of BDSM Because in my experiance there is a bug huge difference between a Unicorn and what one may call a Hoe Who is only out to ruin a relationship or try to take anothers partner. Like with any relationship in life My opinion is to talk allot openly between the three of you. And Also Pay attention while the Sean or act is going on Don't become complacent after you have been together over time in this Pay attention to others reactions and countinue to talk That way no jealousy can ruen something good as long as everyone keeps everyone's feelings at the front Like in any relationship Thanks I tend to be long winded I recommend this compeatly Just know it's no easier then anything eles in life. It takes time and patience and work. |
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