Differences Between Vanilla And Kink Relationships

Differences Between Vanilla And Kink Relationships

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2022

What are some things that BDSM/Kink/ lifestyle relationships have that vanilla relationships don't?

What are some things that vanilla relationships have that BDSM/Kink/ lifestyle relationships don't?

If you answered one question then you must answer the other one.

Also please don't reply with some sob story about how you were married for 20 years and hated it. I'm simply looking for a list of differences.

If you have never been in either of these types of relationships then please reframe from leaving a reply.

Moonlighter​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2022

Ropes, whips, handcuffs, nipple clamps ... the list of toys goes on.

I'm never really sure there's a huge amount of difference between vanilla and kink with the exception that kink uses more toys. They are relationships, there are rules in both there are priorities in both there are people in both.

Looking for a difference in them is like trying to compare apples to oranges, at the end of the day they're both fruit.

Flogger Lust • Aug 30, 2022

With Kink I'd say there's a greater discussion of intimate matters. With vanilla relationships things can be a little bit more instinctual.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 31, 2022

Like Moonlighter said I don't think there is much difference bar the paraphernalia of BDSM

but saying that..... I think to make said "list" you also need to separate if "LOVE" is needed or apart of your "style" of BDSM
for me and ways best for me, I need "LOVE" in the dynamic. I can function without but doesn't satisfy me long term

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Aug 31, 2022

I can only answer it as I see it. Being within the LS in a LtR with my Wolf .

The only difference it the type of "toys" and "play" that is in a Ls relationship.

And when I speak of relationships please remember to me there is a huge difference between a relationship and a dynamic

Lord_Zephyr • Aug 31, 2022

Wow,
The lack of actual understanding and sense of values in BDSM let alone vanilla relationships is simply sad.

With brevity in mind..

BDSM is regimented (if practiced correctly which is apparently devoid here) by initial understandings which are clearly negotiated and regular debriefed. It also endeavors to put actual reciprocated structure and expectations to the interaction. Committment is clearly communicated. Roles are understood. Depth of spiritual energetic connection is proactively persued and the ideals themselves are an internal /external concept that is held beyond the constituents themselves

Vanilla relationships are "we'll make this up ad we go....if we can"

Learn people. This is why many of you are disrespected in BDSM...you have no respect for it and are just in it for your freak from being burned out used up shallow trash

::::Mic drop:::::

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Aug 31, 2022

So hoping I misunderstood what you were saying. As I read it....

If you are ind a LS relationship that involves vanilla times and some vanilla actions along feelings that you are a FAKE.

To me that isn't so. WULF and I ( as stated have been together since 2017,living together since 2018) I have my rules,structure within our lives.. I know and agree to all.. but we also have an vanilla aspects to our relationship. ( such as jobs ,paying bills,family, ect) .
For example: in our case I'm very organized and focused when it comes to money and bills. So Wulf has me take care of bills , grocery shopping, etc. That doesn't mean that I don't respectfully discuss thing with him first or that he doesn't make the grocery list .

It isn't a case of " making things up as we go". Things were discussed in depth from the very beginning on who we view things.What we each wanted and needed . And we worked at a friendship to start that grew into a relationship.

To me there is a huge difference a BDSM RELATIONSHIP and a BDSM DYNAMIC .

Lord_Zephyr • Aug 31, 2022

You did misunderstand. The OP specifically framed the question as "relationships".. not dynamics...not paying bills etc. Those are not "vanilla" lifestyle activities. They are simple survival requirements. Do you think that 24/7 means what? You first your debtors while they wear a butt plug. Please...
Reading comprehension requires comprehending the specifics of the language used and the context of the work in order to comprehend the message.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Aug 31, 2022

First off I meant no disrespect towards anyone . And was not trying to argue with you or anyone on things . And yes I saw and understood the OP stated relationships not dynamics. I mentioned both of them only because many I have seen here feel that they are the same thing which to me that are not.

And while yes paying bills and such are a survival requirement. The fact is that I am task with these things. So by being it a task would make it part of a "vanilla '" lifestyle activity.

I think that everyone views thing differently no just how things should be within the LS but in life .and just because people don't agree or see thing even closely the same . Doesn't mean that either is wrong . What works for one person or one couple may not work for another and that is ok.

Have a wonderful evening

Steellover​(sub male) • Aug 31, 2022

While I don't disagree with Lord Zephyr's points, he did come across as a bit condescending there, I'm afraid.

I think every BDSM relationship is different as far as the amount of commitment, control, or activities each partner agrees to, and much if finding a partner is finding one with whom you share compatible relationship goals.

Some have stricter protocols than others, but that doesnt disqualify a NON-24/7 total power exchange master/slave thing from still being a valid BDSM relationship.

I would say that BDSM relationships are in a way, more intimate than vanilla ones, because one partner is willing to bare their soul, exposing their deepest vulnerabilities to their partner, leaving nothing hidden.

BDSM relationships are not necessarily monogamous. I once met a dominant women (And I don't meet very many of those, she lived in a different city) who explained that she adored her BDSM partner as a life partner, but had her "Studs" for her sexual needs, and was able to compartmentalize her life in that way, which her submissive partner accepted within the dynamic of their relationship.