Violent and taboo fantasies causing guilt trips + is it totally legal to fantasize?

LoneWolf​(masochist gender queer) • Aug 4, 2022

There's a lot of "racial domination" fetish there. Everything from "black power", black owned wives... to white nationalists banging their plantation slaves. Racial play is actually a fetish that many people are into. I'm surprised that it's not listed here on the BDSM Checklist. Personally, I refrain from that sort of fetish simply because there's enough hate and bullshit in the world. But, I'm not going to "kink shame" anyone who enjoys it either.

Steellover​(sub male) • Aug 19, 2022

I'm not into race play either, but the only way I will judge/kink shame it is, along the same lines that I judge/kink shame people who are into snuff, dangerous or permanantly disfiguring play, or actual rape (As opposed to rape PLAY.)

Having a fetish or preference for people of a certain race is one thing, though it can be a slippery slope if you start getting too deeply into racial stereotypes. But hating on someone because of their race or thinking them as inferior, or undeserving of equal or fair treatment simply because of their race, I am never going to be okay with that. "White nationalists banging their plantation slaves" is something that I would not be comfortable with for example.

LoneWolf​(masochist gender queer) • Aug 19, 2022

I think this post is meant for "dark fantasy's" in general and there's really nothing wrong with that as long as it's just a fantasy.

It's no different than watching a horror movie. It's NOT REAL.

I'll admit that I am into rough, hardcore play but I am NOT INTO "rape play" a bit.

Also, "racial domination" no matter which race is running rampant on these kink sites. It's not something that I am into but if others are then, let them have their fun...

Realboylessons​(sub trans man){Half Boy} • Sep 3, 2022

Hi.. New here, but this is exactly my fantasy and kink that I don’t have anyone to talk to about or play out scenarios with. I’m a transman that wants to be used by a mature male authority figure like a real boy. Ageplay, Raceplay, and family relation roleplay are what I fantasize about. Being taken in my sleep or consented non-consent with a large male that I can’t overpower. Being the boy is my favorite role and I’ll play any age that he wants me to be without a limit or restrictions of what the scenario involves. Honestly, pushing the limits excite me.

emmalyne​(sub female) • Oct 10, 2022

Hey Shaynna,
Thank you for making this post! It’s been a minute and I see you’ve already gotten a lot of good input but I thought I’d add my two cents
Again thank you for touching on this, I’ve been going back and forth whether to make my own post about violent/taboo fantasies and the shame that can surround it. Personally, I do still deal with shame from certain fantasies that get me off and it’s difficult to turn that off. For me I think it has to do with the fact that during my upbringing sex in general was not talked about and was viewed as something shameful. So I always had difficulties living out my own sexuality and accepting that I wanted and enjoyed sex.

So now I have a cnc (consensual non consent) kink. At first, I was very freaked out and thought similar things as you like how can I get off on this when so many people suffer having that forced on them. But I’ve done a lot of soul searching and for me I found out that it lets me enjoy sexual acts without shame, because, in the fantasy, the act is forced upon me so I didn’t do anything “wrong” by having sex. I don’t know if I’m phrasing this all that elegantly so I hope it makes sense!

During my research I’ve also discovered that actually many sexual assault survivors use cnc as a coping mechanism. That sounds counterproductive at first, but actually it is a way for them to relive the trauma but with control this time (they can stop it at any time with their safe word) and so can feel empowered in sexual situations again.

So fantasizing and even (safely and consensually) living out these fantasies isn’t inherently wrong and nothing to be ashamed about! I know, easier said than done, I also still have problems with it.

Something to note though is that I’ve heard from several people that having a cnc kink can sometimes make it difficult for you in court if you are ever the victim of an actual sexual assault because perpetrators can use your kink as an excuse. It sounds insane but a lot of people don’t really understand this kink and think it’s strange so often they will agree with that assessment! Again just something I’ve heard so take it with multiple grains of salt! Just something to consider. Stay safe everyone!

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 12, 2022

My guilt trip comes from the submissive end, and from fantasizing about being on the receiving end of these kind of fantasies. Reason being, I worry that having these types of fantasies (which involve some of the more hardcore/extreme elements of female domination and fetish) is simply incompatible with having a healthy, meaningful and romantic relationship. Which, in the end, is what I really want.

So as a result, I have tried banishing these kind of "Dirty" fantasies thoughts from my head. Not always successfully, but it is a battle. Trying to live out these fantasies, through a "professional," will always lead to a dead end, relationship wise, as you will never have the deep romantic connection you want and you will never be more than a "Client."

I've said this before, but I feel it is different being a guy. Despite what some porn sites (and adult dating sites) would have you believe, the number of women who are truly and genuinely into female domination and fetish/BDSM play is very, very small, and the number of people- of BOTH sexes- who actually frown on that dynamic (or are actively creeped out by it) is very significant.

Note the religious thread above; I consider myself a Jesus worshipper, but the people in that thread will tell me that my very idea of submitting to a woman in any capacity is against God's plan and therefore, shamefully wrong. Which of course only feeds into the guilt factor for me, and makes me more determined to banish these feelings.

subslv4u​(sub male){No but I m} • Oct 12, 2022

My fantasy is being sexually raped by a women, hurting me as I struggle out of fear, I love fear play or psychological domination like saying to a friend in ear shot that I am for sale and sold into slavery for a women and I love all kinds, especially unwashed pussy and ass crack..
Blindfolded and blindsided.. taken for a week or the weekend being forced to give oral in any shape or form..

Cnc-rape fantasy

BrimeStone​(dom male) • Oct 13, 2022

Honestly I was surprised at the shear size of the community that focuses on cnc play, I mean I thought I would be in the taboo section with my dark lusts, but nope. So many games and so many players you should never get bored. Say hi and if we are compatible I’ll introduce you to a few.

FlitterFly​(sub female) • Oct 13, 2022

I think we all fantasize about things in one way or another that may seem immoral or wrong.
And as long as we never act on them, I would have to believe that it is okay.

And in saying this, is because I to have wondered if I'm a bad girl for fantasizing and getting off to things of this nature. And have felt guilty about my fantasies.

But in all my years of having such fantasizes I am unable to keep them away.

So it does indeed make me feel a bit better that others struggle with this as I do.

Thank You
A very brave thing to do, to write about this.

FlitterFly

niceguywithaplan​(dom male) • Nov 4, 2022

I also have very dark fantasies that I have discussed with my former partner. We would never act them out, only fantasize.
I sometimes find that as I go deeper with a sub especially, the fantasies tend to get darker and more taboo, I think that is only natural as you get to know and trust each other more. I believe that if everyone was completely honest, probably 90 percent of the human population has the same fantasies and turn ons, it is just a matter of having the self control to leave it at fantasy.
I do not feel guilty about the things I think about or talk about with my sub, however I always make absolutely certain that she is cared for, what I mean by that is if I extensively ask her about her fears and past then I know what directions I can lead our discussions. Some people have had trauma in their life and even talking about those subjects can bring that pain and trauma back for the person. So always have that open and honest discussion with your partner before going too deeply into the rabbit hole, but that being said, if it is a consensual turn on for both adult aged partners, then there is nothing to ever feel guilty about.