Ideas to try to encourage my Wife to be more Domme

Ideas to try to encourage my Wife to be more Domme

explorer​(switch male) • Mar 29, 2016

Hi, 

Anyone got any suggestions of how I may be able to help my wife expand her boundaries and horizons for increasing the amount of Domme / Sub play that we do. 

She is very new to the idea and she is very accepting of the role that I would like her to be and she is still unsure as what she wants to do.

I do not want to force her into anything she is uncomfortable with and I am not asking her to do anything - I just laid out a couple of desires (not wants) that I would like to incorporate into our lives and just left it at that.

If she would like to go a bit further then I wondered how I could get her to confidently expand her role. It could easily be that she inst as comfortable as she says she is and that is why I feel we are not expanding our roles together. If that's the case then I'm fine with that.

I'm just thinking if any sub has been down this road, what they did tried (successfully or not) to get their wife / partner to try to be more Domme.

Thanks for reading

My profile gives further information if that helps

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 2, 2016

It is a difficult thing for a submissive man to 'encourage' the woman in his life to be dominant.  It can easily veer in to the area of topping from the bottom, or getting in to a "service domme" situation.  And I suspect that's not what you want as it's not a sincere, D/s dynamic.  A couple things I'd suggest...

Do things that please her that ARE NOT fetish related.  Clean the house. Do the laundry.  Make her a meal and ask her what she'd like.  Start your day thinking about how you can make her life easier and more pleasant.  Don't worry about the kinky aspect now.  That will hopefully come later.  Perhaps when she sees your genuine desire to please her, she'll begin to feel more confident.

I'd also recommend buying her the book Uniquely Rika.  It's a fantastic read focused on real life fem led relationships, with a definite realistic tilt.  A lot of women are put off by the idea of the porn domme and simply can't relate.  Perhaps a more realistic view of femled or femdom will be more palatable to her.

Lastly, I'd make sure to not be too simpering or needy.  I've heard more than a few women express a fear ending up with a weak, submissive man. This is as much of an unrealistic stereotype as the uber cruel icy domme.  Present yourself as her knight and make her your lady.  Be gallant.  Reassure her that you'll still be the masculine partner in the relationship. When some of her fears and insecurities are dispelled, perhaps she'll be inclined to explore this with you.  

I wish you both the best of luck!

explorer​(switch male) • Apr 3, 2016

Thanks very much for your excellent idea's Evangeline, and I will take these on board those ideas and run with them. I'll look for the book, likely to be on Amazon. 

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 22, 2016

I just came across this article from Carasutra you may find interesting.  And surprising.

http://carasutra.co.uk/2016/04/how-do-you-get-your-partner-to-dominate-you/

explorer​(switch male) • Apr 22, 2016

thank you very much Evangeline, gives alot of sensible and logical advice. I really appreciate you spotting this and thinking that it would help me - you are a star  

darthlaurie • May 13, 2016

If I were dominant, I would consider attending one of Midori's ForteFemme. I've taken other classes by Midori and I've really enjoyed them.  Check out her schedule and if time and finances permit, surprise your wife with a ticket to one of her classes. http://planetmidori.com/

explorer​(switch male) • May 14, 2016

Thank you for your idea darthlaurie,  I really appreciate you spotting this and thinking that it would help me - you are a star  

Sirbendherover • May 14, 2016

IF i were you, i would be more submissive around her and let her take the lead on everyday and bedroom activies.  You becoming more submissive will give her the confidence she needs to take the lead and take more control of you and the situations.

explorer​(switch male) • May 15, 2016

I have tried to do that in certain area of our lives but as Evangeline said, its not something I want to do all the time as I feel she wants me to be her 'protector' when it comes to standing up for her and her beliefs in our vanilla life when we are out or when things go wrong around the house.
But I do appreciate your reply and I will continue to persist with this tact in the bedroom. 
Thanks for your input  

Villanelle​(staff) • May 15, 2016

Midori's FemmeForte workshops are a great suggestion. I've had the pleasure of speaking with Midori on a few occasions and she is a wonderful advocate for sexual self expression and as she calls it, "shame reduction".