Where do our desires stem from?

Where do our desires stem from?

Lookingtoserveher • Oct 25, 2022

I've often wondered what it is that triggers these desires in us? Is it nature that just instills this within us to behave and seek certain behaviors? Is it environmental? Is it conditioning? I imagine realistically it's some combination of all three.

I was a bit vanilla for most of my life, and while I didn't really pursue anything related to BDSM I didn't really shy away from any ideas, either. I've always wanted to explore what makes us tick and sort of that inner working in all of us. For myself, I realized a bit later, in my 30s, that I DID feel more submissive and it's been an interesting change in how I think and approach situations (At least, outside of the professional world)

Curious what other's have to say or think about this. Was there a particular moment or event that caused you to feel a certain way?

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 25, 2022

Could be some experience in younger days, or could just be the hormones.

Not much of an answer, but I try not to look too deeply into some things, but that's all I can think of.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 25, 2022

It was just a couple things that seemed to trigger my arousal. Watching documentaries of professional BDSM pratcitioners, having a strong woman overpower my physically; all of that was just a turn on. I admire strength and dominance in a partner, so that was part of it.

The other part, as a submissive, stemmed from a desire to totally please my partner as much as I could, to submit to them because, I don't know if this is an insecurity thing on my part or not (I don't think it is) but I have always believed that my partner's pleasure is more important than mine and the best way to give them pleasure is to submit to them, and have them train me how to do so.

The really kinky stuff, I dunno. Maybe, in a warped way, it is a way of showing love to a partner by letting them "put you through the ringer" and stretch your limits, so to speak.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 26, 2022

Idk, just speculating here.

i do think we are a part of nature and that nature demonstrates that opposites attract. Two oppositely charged ions attract, and if there is chemistry, a bond forms (the foundation of bondage?). Humans are more sophisticated than ions, so i think we've found and find ways to express and exercise our natural attraction. Chemistry still seems to play a part though.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 26, 2022

a,b and c ..it can be all or neither. I gave up trying to figure out if was nature or nurture

There even those that follow the bacteria Toxoplasmosis is to blame. This theory has been kicking around for a decade now.
It’s not the cats themselves that ignite a hankering for nontraditional sexual experiences, say the researchers, but a tiny parasite called toxoplasma, which can be transmitted to humans through cat feces, which pet owners are abundantly exposed to through litter boxes. (It can also be transmitted via infected raw meat, tainted drinking water, or eating fruits or vegetables exposed to infected water.)

Toxoplasma causes an infection known as toxoplasmosis. It is common — more than 40 million people in the United States may currently be infected with it, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) — and generally considered harmless to humans except for those who are immunocompromised or pregnant.

However, according to (sp?) Jaroslav Flegr, PhD, parasitologist and evolutionary biologist at Charles University in Prague, and Radim Kuba, a researcher at Charles University, toxoplasma raises brain levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter known to enable communication between neurons and fuel cravings. The researchers speculate that this parasite, like others, is capable of changing behavior. Their assumption was based on the fact that mice and rats infected with it switch from being afraid of the smell of cats to being drawn to the aroma.

The researchers speculated that people who are infected with the parasite might be similarly affected.

In the study, the researchers looked at 36,564 people, some of whom were infected with toxoplasma, and some of whom were not. They found that infected subjects were, indeed, more likely to be aroused “by their own fear, danger, and sexual submission” than noninfected subjects.

The researchers stress that while “toxoplasma infection explains only a small part of the variability in BDSM-associated traits,” it does shine a light on how exquisitely sensitive and complex a web of factors go into forming a person’s sexual behaviors, desires, and preferences are.

edited to added: and NO I'm not getting rid of my cat.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 26, 2022

I have never heard that theory before and I am certainly not a biologist, so I can't just discredit it.

Maybe the cat poop brain infection causes cravings among some men for "human toilet" play?

AsPetrichorr​(switch female){not lookin} • Oct 26, 2022

I believe mine one started of foot fetish when I was in my late 20's, someone asked my feet on a "date" it was rather new and weird at the beginning but within the time I have discovered more things that I love and happen to indulge a lot, and after a while understood that such things were missing in my life all along that's why it bedroom life felt so tasteless and dull. I do think it has to do a lot with my past...since I was child I had to be strong and rather cold at all times due to nature of certain matters and surroundings where I come from.

We'reInthistogether​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2022

So first off I read a great article on Reddit about how people in the BDSM community are generally much happier than people who aren't, it was like scientifically. Reviewed and shit.

For me I think it comes down to my youth. I was sexually abused and physically abused, I was dominated I was weak.

I never wanted to be that again. But then there's this whole like I don't know I'm lotional control or emotional commander of the relationship the leader. I want to be the QB in my relationship, I want my partner to look to me, I want my partner to be a brat.

As far as I think the kinky side chick goes like I just like kinky sex. It's so much hotter. Like I used to do this one girl crazy shit bash your crazy like Looney tunes every major depressive psychotic disorder known to man. But we had the best time going to book stores and sex clubs and her fucking going down on me in bumper dumper traffic right outside Philly. Her turn me on to prostate play.

Look though on the flip side I'm the most caring attentive Daddy a woman could ever ask for. I think of their needs, I try to meet them I look out for him I'd give me advice I just love that role of being a daddy, to someone who isn't my kid. To gain someone's complete emotional trust and faith and to be their guide while at the same time getting to smash them out and some weird ass ways I just does it for me.

Plus like I'm in recovery and I don't know me and my recovery friends also tend to lean towards BDSM. We just need that little bit extra. Because this world is boring and vanilla and I am not.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 30, 2022

There is no real answer to this.
It like why does one person like roller skating and another likes bowling...

The big question here is what do you like?


The where it came from is window dressing

Sololoquy • Oct 23, 2023

This is something I only care to look at with one eye open. I have a general curiosity about themes and patterns and maybe some hints from adolescence, but I don't care to know about roots that may be earlier than that. Not saying people shouldn't but I don't like winding the clock further back than my earliest sexual feelings.

I do think a lot of the sexual desires I have, and probably people in general have, don't really have anything to do with sex. For example, I believe that power and control are desirable to me because they protect me from external threats as well as protecting me from myself. When a person exhibits great power and control, they represent both a threat and a protection against threat, resulting in a combination of fear and desire. The best protection against a person who is the worst threat is that person being on your side and wanting to protect you from all lesser threats and being able to.

Things like wanting rough sex or CNC or to force someone to do my bidding or be "forced" to do their bidding tie into all of this for me, and are not at all about wanting the actual violence and violation of my person or another's. That's why those things remain fantasy or very limited simulation for me.