Online now
Online now

How do you get over your first bdsm breakup

autisticbarbie
1 year ago • Apr 20, 2023
autisticbarbie • Apr 20, 2023
Friends, trees and cider. Not too many friends though.
ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate}
1 year ago • Apr 20, 2023

Re: Hey its a new ballgame its starting over but save what y

SirGod wrote:
SirGod wrote:
SirGod wrote:
I'mME wrote:
SirGod wrote:
Daddys Lil Wolf wrote:
Hey, big hugs, I’m currently dealing with similar, I’m finding one day at a time helps, and to not hold in the tears, let them out. For me the pain comes in waves. My inbox is open if u want to talk x

I guess you start by erasing your ex Dom given words like Daddys Lil Wolf if he gave it to you, then in your sub mind, assemble all you had the privilege of lurning during your time & experiences.Also keep yourself open to Doms that send you an olive branch. Its better then to dwell on past affections & be in the pain of feeling the emptyness left by the rejections of the Dom you had or what ever the case may be .. If you want to evolve just chat with me we can take it from there .Looking forward to your rely . I'M just a considerate Dom who has seen many situations like theses . I've even rescued a few & today they worship me by there own choice ..


Do you think this is an appropriate post to a sub who just experienced a break-up?


Of coarse this is appropriate , one has to understand that its better to get back on the saddle instead of dwelling on pain & grief unless one wants to feel sorry for themselves ... Tuff love is better then pity or emotional despair in any situation sometimes . The problem is the fear of having to start over from the beginnings , like re building Trust with another , willingness to continue to evolve in that lifestyle , loyalty of both new party's , the safeness & comprehension of the needs of both etc ... Not to forget the sensitivity of grasping and channeling the pain & grief brought on by the break up or the lost of the acquired levels of understanding & the levels of love acheived in the past relationship.This is not an insensative take of a break up situation its a recap on how to get past it un broken & surpass the hurt left inside the void one feels after the first cut ... Its deep feelings to deal with & this is just a very comprehensable emotion . It passes with time , & eventualy one re begins a new .



Not appropriate. This is more like predatory. (Not in the Primal/prey sense) And you call yourself a "Master"?
After reading your posts and profile, there are so many Red Flags here that I lost count. When someone deals with a breakup, whether it is in lifestyle or vanilla, it takes time to heal. Anyone with basic common sense would understand this. In this instance, you are using this persons emotional state to peruse your own interests. In NO way, when someone has experienced loss, are they in the right frame of mind. This violates SSC due to the fact that they are not in a Sane state. This is a huge predatory action and is getting called out.

You are not a Master by any stretch of the imagination, and your posts on this topic proves that 100%. This is not 50 shades of Grey or 365. No one should ever use someone's emotional state to their advantage!! EVER!!
I'mME
1 year ago • Apr 20, 2023

Re: Hey its a new ballgame its starting over but save what y

I'mME • Apr 20, 2023
ErosRising wrote:
SirGod wrote:
SirGod wrote:
SirGod wrote:
I'mME wrote:
SirGod wrote:
Daddys Lil Wolf wrote:
Hey, big hugs, I’m currently dealing with similar, I’m finding one day at a time helps, and to not hold in the tears, let them out. For me the pain comes in waves. My inbox is open if u want to talk x

I guess you start by erasing your ex Dom given words like Daddys Lil Wolf if he gave it to you, then in your sub mind, assemble all you had the privilege of lurning during your time & experiences.Also keep yourself open to Doms that send you an olive branch. Its better then to dwell on past affections & be in the pain of feeling the emptyness left by the rejections of the Dom you had or what ever the case may be .. If you want to evolve just chat with me we can take it from there .Looking forward to your rely . I'M just a considerate Dom who has seen many situations like theses . I've even rescued a few & today they worship me by there own choice ..


Do you think this is an appropriate post to a sub who just experienced a break-up?


Of coarse this is appropriate , one has to understand that its better to get back on the saddle instead of dwelling on pain & grief unless one wants to feel sorry for themselves ... Tuff love is better then pity or emotional despair in any situation sometimes . The problem is the fear of having to start over from the beginnings , like re building Trust with another , willingness to continue to evolve in that lifestyle , loyalty of both new party's , the safeness & comprehension of the needs of both etc ... Not to forget the sensitivity of grasping and channeling the pain & grief brought on by the break up or the lost of the acquired levels of understanding & the levels of love acheived in the past relationship.This is not an insensative take of a break up situation its a recap on how to get past it un broken & surpass the hurt left inside the void one feels after the first cut ... Its deep feelings to deal with & this is just a very comprehensable emotion . It passes with time , & eventualy one re begins a new .



Not appropriate. This is more like predatory. (Not in the Primal/prey sense) And you call yourself a "Master"?
After reading your posts and profile, there are so many Red Flags here that I lost count. When someone deals with a breakup, whether it is in lifestyle or vanilla, it takes time to heal. Anyone with basic common sense would understand this. In this instance, you are using this persons emotional state to peruse your own interests. In NO way, when someone has experienced loss, are they in the right frame of mind. This violates SSC due to the fact that they are not in a Sane state. This is a huge predatory action and is getting called out.

You are not a Master by any stretch of the imagination, and your posts on this topic proves that 100%. This is not 50 shades of Grey or 365. No one should ever use someone's emotional state to their advantage!! EVER!!


ErosRising,

Your response just made the rest of my week. That is exactly what I meant by my question, "Do you think this is appropriate?"
I get weary of fighting the machine. He knew exactly what I meant by my question and if people chose to read my question, then his response, and believe that he had her welfare in mind, 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷.

Thank you ErosRising

*It's the little things that keep me centered in what I know.
SirGod​(dom male)
1 year ago • Apr 21, 2023
SirGod​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023
One big mistake some pretending masters have is confrontation with other master or denigration of a specific truth that is debilitating someones expertise in a topic . There are many wannabe masters who look to provoke or demonise other Masters, its a form of bullying with word assaults on an opinion written to gain prestige from weakened subs its a scam way to play on the hurt of someone to gain notoriaty to be looked upon as a special know it all wannabe master that u are not . One can tell u are no master at all you are using your wife as a ragg doll pretending to be a master from what you spewed out .You know nothing of the relationship or the sudden break ups of a master & the sub /slave it shows u never experienced real Master sub /slave interactions of deep love . To try an diminish someone is in fact a total ignorance of what that person advanced in a plain direct continuance . There is no predetory situation in the opinion written at all . What it is it's dealing with the problem directly with comprehensive thoughts & reality of the break up . To interpret someone experience in a derogative & negative way is just dishonest & probably a personal jealousy & lack of understanding on your part . You wish u were a master it seems to me but you are not no matter how many researching others written words to try & be what your not to use others words in a resumé to be what your not is in itself proof that you are just a troll looking to get lucky like hoping to catch a fish with your plagerised writing & denegration of a real masters opinion . Erosrising to me your not a dom at all just a hoping wannabe to sound interesting or maybe u need approval or showing off who knows .I suggest u go read up on the complicities of the gift of sub/slave & masters . Of coarse there is a time set to greave over a break up or other more drastic disposal of an arrangement between 2 willing comprehensive persons of the contract lifestyle chosen but that does not take a lifetime if the affected sub/slave hurts then its better to bring him or her out of it as soon as possible so that the greatness of his or her lurnings was not done in vain . This is not predatory, it's empathetic comprehention of the needs & evolution of the said injured party . To help disculput him or her out of the semi depressive mood & betrayal they could be undergoing or feeling in there deep personal dwellings inside themselves . In other words in there own solitude of being abandoned .
SirGod​(dom male)
1 year ago • Apr 21, 2023
SirGod​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023
SirGod wrote:
One big mistake some pretending masters have is confrontation with other master or denigration of a specific truth that is debilitating someones expertise in a topic . There are many wannabe masters who look to provoke or demonise other Masters, its a form of bullying with word assaults on an opinion written to gain prestige from weakened subs its a scam way to play on the hurt of someone to gain notoriaty to be looked upon as a special know it all wannabe master that u are not . One can tell u are no master at all you are using your wife as a ragg doll pretending to be a master from what you spewed out .You know nothing of the relationship or the sudden break ups of a master & the sub /slave it shows u never experienced real Master sub /slave interactions of deep love . To try an diminish someone is in fact a total ignorance of what that person advanced in a plain direct continuance . There is no predetory situation or red flags as u pretend in your mysogenistic mind (not just women it can also apply to certain lifestyles party's chose That choice of word I used )to impress the galleries in the opinion written at all . What it is it's dealing with the problem directly with comprehensive thoughts & reality of the break up . To interpret someone experience in a derogative & negative way is just dishonest & probably a personal jealousy & lack of understanding on your part . You wish u were a master it seems to me but you are not no matter how many researching others written words to try & be what your not to use others words in a resumé to be what your not is in itself proof that you are just a troll looking to get lucky like hoping to catch a fish with your plagerised writing & denegration of a real masters opinion . Erosrising to me your not a dom at all just a hoping wannabe to sound interesting or maybe u need approval or showing off who knows .I suggest u go read up on the complicities of the gift of sub/slave & masters . Of coarse there is a time set to greave over a break up or other more drastic disposal of an arrangement between 2 willing comprehensive persons of the contract lifestyle chosen but that does not take a lifetime if the affected sub/slave hurts then its better to bring him or her out of it as soon as possible so that the greatness of his or her lurnings was not done in vain . This is not predatory, it's empathetic comprehention of the needs & evolution of the said injured party . To help disculput him or her out of the semi depressive mood & betrayal they could be undergoing or feeling in there deep personal dwellings inside themselves . In other words in there own solitude of being abandoned .That is caring for the sub or master inner feelings & getting them to over pass the hurt with a guiding & respecful but true healing .I'm not saying every situation of Break ups r to be dealt that way but a very large %tage does that I have personally encountered in friends with this lifestyle .
Purĕ​(sub female)
1 year ago • Apr 21, 2023
Purĕ​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2023
It doesn't really matter if it's the first or the second, every breakup will hurt. We won't ever really get over them, we simply learn to move on.

But, the "First" one might be different. All those exciting experiences we made, ...

It probably also depends on the way how that Dynamic breaks up. Ugly? out-of the nowhere? was the break up foreseeable?

My first "breakup" surprised me totally on the highest feeling this Dynamic gave me. I was the happiest girl on that day, excited like a lil kid on Xmas morning.

And Boom my world was smashed.
Out of the nowhere.

My emotions were all over the place.
sad, disappointed, angry, hurt, ....
everything.

I took my time to "heal", but when I say heal, I mean more I tried to understand. But I noticed quickly I wont ever understand what happend. So I tried to move on. Not in terms of jumping into the next D/s but being open to be found again, because my little sub heart is only happy when it has purpose.


We never get over a breakup, but....

It will get easier but it wont ever get easy!
darlingdiana​(sub female)
1 year ago • Apr 24, 2023
darlingdiana​(sub female) • Apr 24, 2023
The 6 Stages of a BDSM breakup:

Each can last any amount of time, and can jump back and forth in order. There is no "time" constraint on any stage or promise of forgetting the break up on the list. Nothing lasts forever, is the good news.
It also helps knowing, no one ever has had "just one" dynamic in their lifetime, when another ends. Cheers and Godspeed.

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Meaning
ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate}
1 year ago • Apr 25, 2023
SirGod wrote:
One big mistake some pretending masters have is confrontation with other master or denigration of a specific truth that is debilitating someones expertise in a topic . There are many wannabe masters who look to provoke or demonise other Masters, its a form of bullying with word assaults on an opinion written to gain prestige from weakened subs its a scam way to play on the hurt of someone to gain notoriaty to be looked upon as a special know it all wannabe master that u are not . One can tell u are no master at all you are using your wife as a ragg doll pretending to be a master from what you spewed out .You know nothing of the relationship or the sudden break ups of a master & the sub /slave it shows u never experienced real Master sub /slave interactions of deep love . To try an diminish someone is in fact a total ignorance of what that person advanced in a plain direct continuance . There is no predetory situation in the opinion written at all . What it is it's dealing with the problem directly with comprehensive thoughts & reality of the break up . To interpret someone experience in a derogative & negative way is just dishonest & probably a personal jealousy & lack of understanding on your part . You wish u were a master it seems to me but you are not no matter how many researching others written words to try & be what your not to use others words in a resumé to be what your not is in itself proof that you are just a troll looking to get lucky like hoping to catch a fish with your plagerised writing & denegration of a real masters opinion . Erosrising to me your not a dom at all just a hoping wannabe to sound interesting or maybe u need approval or showing off who knows .I suggest u go read up on the complicities of the gift of sub/slave & masters . Of coarse there is a time set to greave over a break up or other more drastic disposal of an arrangement between 2 willing comprehensive persons of the contract lifestyle chosen but that does not take a lifetime if the affected sub/slave hurts then its better to bring him or her out of it as soon as possible so that the greatness of his or her lurnings was not done in vain . This is not predatory, it's empathetic comprehention of the needs & evolution of the said injured party . To help disculput him or her out of the semi depressive mood & betrayal they could be undergoing or feeling in there deep personal dwellings inside themselves . In other words in there own solitude of being abandoned .


I have been in Lifestyles for a very long time. entered it about 30 years ago. I live it 24/7, as well as, being active withing the community. Also, do you see "Master" in my title?

With that being said, I must have struck a chord due to the reply that you posted. I stand by what I said. your comment was predatory and you obviously have a very large ego problem. Let me aask you this, who made you a "Master" in the community? Or is this just a title that you bestowed upon yourself?
Also, do you see "Master" in my title? The answer is no. Why? Because that Honer has not been bestowed upon me by the community yet.


Last edited by * on Tue Apr 25, 2023 5:37 pm, edited 2 times in total