How to battle Insecurities during sex?

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 30, 2023

Sorry to read that. Low self esteem when it comes to one's appearance, is one of the biggest buzz kills on the face of the Earth.

I checked out your profile and what you wrote.

WTF!

(and per what you wrote in there, yes you can swear in here. If someone doesn't like it, tell 'em to go fuck a duck)

So.. There's not a damned thing to worry about "How I look"?

And beyond the pics, what you wrote about what you do for work, your ambitions, your goals--- you're well on your way to being successful and realizing those goals and dreams for life-- and you're 19.

I know of people twice your age who have to bust their asses to scrape up just enough to afford both a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of.

Common denominator? When they were 19, 20-- even 25 they were still holed up with Ma and Pa, and devoting their spare time to doing things best left to kids 15 and under.

And nowadays, with all the distractions, (Social Media, screen-addictions and other fun but not-productive pastimes) -- it's even harder than it was for those aforementioned Thirty-somethings flipping burgers, emptying trash cans and in general getting fucked in the ass by the likes of Ronald McDonald and the Burger King (the creepy fuck from TV ads)-- and here you are already a success.

You have tons to be proud of and you look fantastic!

But don't take my word for it. I'm sure that, despite your advisory in the profile, your Inbox will (or already has been) blown to tiny little pieces by every Dom named Tom---- with the optional Harry Dick.

But don't mind me, that's a "Hee Hee". I do that often. I'm a dyed in the wool smart-ass.

Seriously, don't take my word for it. Consider your friends. Contemplate how you go about your day. You'll get it! You're just fine.


Oh and you love your hair and work hard on it. It shows.

Have a Happy!

LordofPain56 • Apr 30, 2023

Wait till you get to be my age. Most if not all older males will experience an enlarging prostate. The sawbones prescribes "Flowmax" to be taken daily. Usually, this medicine destroys the ability to feel an orgasm as well as eliminate the possibility of having an ejaculation. However, you can always achieve an erection (unless you have other problems, for which you might need to take a certain blue pill), but I don't have that problem.
Anyway, you can have sex, since there is a boner, but it is not the same as it was before when both partners gained satisfaction from the experience. I really prefer to just skip it altogether at this point.
But this has nothing to do with any mental perception one might have about how they look physically.
I've never been the type that girls would think of as handsome or sexy, being slim and dynamic, but knowing this has never taken away anything from the experience. A Dom has ways to make the girl fill up with desire for him regardless of outward appearances.

Re: How to battle Insecurities during sex?

autisticbarbie • May 2, 2023

First of all, you are fine as fuck. The advice given in this thread is pretty excellent. I have a similar problem - I don't even like getting my picture taken. I don't think I'm ugly (I like the way I look most of the time), but I am awkward and never smile at the right time or I close my eyes, or do that duck lip thing or my crappy posture makes me look like I have a hump. I've been working on it by trying take a pic every day now or make a video. I plan on starting a you tube channel for the same reason and to desensitize myself to the trolling and petty ass comments. Many women are insecure about some aspect of their appearance, unfortunately. For me, it's my teeth, chest, and undereye circles when my sleep is messed up lol. I'm going to try some of the suggestions other people had. Life is too short to care if my teeth are slightly discolored because I chug black coffee all day.

Re: How to battle Insecurities during sex?

I'mME • May 2, 2023

submissive Jewish girl,

Why would you want to desensitize yourself to dumb ducks in YouTube?

It made my heart throw a beat.

Then I thought, maybe I should do that.

Then tears filled my eyes.

I will not go into the reasons at this moment here.

Purĕ • May 2, 2023

Loved reading this thread.
Very nice advice given.

Im the same, and I am twice Your age.

I'll have to admit, my sexlife was always very Vanilla, so it was clearly easy for me, to hide myself under sheets, or turn the light off and just light a candle or two.

If I start imagine now, having "kinky" sex, being tied up and all, how in the world could I manage to cover myself up.

My Ex Partner always tried to make me feel beautiful. told me over and over that there's no need to hide. even turned on the lights and kissed everything what I pointed out to be ugly. He became a cheerleader of my so called flaws.

That's nearly 6 years ago.
Sixs years without physical touch and im absolutely anxious to be intimate with someone new again.

6years of collecting new flaws. New scars.
Ugly ones in my eyes,...but everyone always says "Scars are beautiful,they are telling a story,....they make You interesting"...



Back to topic...
We all are beautiful, no matter what.
When we make the step to be intimate with that person, he/she adores us and he/she doesn't care about our so called flaws.

Same as we do,right ?

I never noticed anything negative, any flaw or whatever on that man who's going to make me moan his name.

Be You.
Be free.
Enjoy.

Be•Y♥︎U•tiful

Re: How to battle Insecurities during sex?

autisticbarbie • May 2, 2023

I'mMe - Yeah, I relate to your reply a lot. I don't want to hijack this very attractive OPs topic but it's related and I'm sitting here in my robe watching Barbershop 2 and eating oatmeal instead of working so why not?

TLDR It makes me money and I'm tired of being scared of people all of the time for no reason.

Long answer:
I have ASD and growing up, I was always the kid protecting other kids like me from bullies and shit heads. And we grew up poor in sometimes very dangerous neighborhoods. People tried to bully me, but because I had more compensatory skills and didn't give as much of a fuck about being liked and love to talk shit, I was cool with everyone I needed to be cool with. I have tons of other flaws, but I was able to adapt and keep my people safe. I think that the best way for me personally to deal with the fear is to just try to face it head on in progressively more challenging scenarios. Being on you tube and IG would help my business and hopefully make me stronger. When shit gets hard for me I just don't leave the house and I WFH on my own businesses, but I have a kid and can't become a hikikomori right now. So I'm at the point of wanting to try new things because sitting in my house scared of other people is not the way, lol. I haven't even done my daily picture or video yet so I'm far from the point of mastery atm. Sorry for the mf novel. Cheers

trappedperhaps​(sub female) • May 3, 2023

Omg that’s terrible. I always just go with how I feel. I actually don’t even think about it because it’s about feeling good. You should only want to feel good & not worry about anything else. Plus I doubt very seriously he is thinking about anything your talking about as he too is just feeling good.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 3, 2023

Wow, great discussion! i think there's some very thoughtful comments and insights.

To me, sex is about connection in one of the most intimate ways we can. Since the (my) goal is deep, intimate connection, it also includes vulnerability. i believe the more open we are with each other (and thus, more vulnerable), the greater the potential for connecting and bonding. To me, the sexual expression is of mutual want/need. i'd rather go without if i do not perceive the desire/need to be mutual.

i wonder at times if we don't use our kinks, not only as a conduit to connect, but also as a sort of diversion from other areas? Sort of like putting our best foot forward? In that vein, finding those things that you know and are confident that your partner wants/needs about you and focusing on that may help soften or quiet the unrelated voice of insecurity.

Another thought is, people can often sense or feel our insecurities and i think most of us realize this on some level. One of the reasons we hide from another is because we think/feel that that vulnerability will be used against us or will disadvantage us to disclose it. Also, i think part of the mix of fear is that if we do disclose, we will get a token response, or worse, it may be weaponized if things go south. It can be tricky. A partner may like 9 out of 10 things about me, which is maybe enough to sustain the relationship, it may be a mistake to put emphasis on the one thing they don't like? idk, not really positing a certain solution, just adding thoughts the topic evokes.