Time wasters?

autisticbarbie • May 21, 2023

It's not a 'listen to an inner voice' or emotions thing. It's a keep myself safe thing. If keeping myself means being rectangular. I'll take it further: I'm a square. Respectfully

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 21, 2023

Wow, some really great discussion here, from many sides. i have some thoughts to throw into the mix.

i see part of the problem as (sort of) neutral... not anyones 'fault,' and a pretty much standard internet meet phenomenon.

For instance the word "energy." Communication is hugely visual and tonal, as well as verbal. The internet reduces communication down to the written word. The "energy" we feel is the energy we project onto the words we are reading. It's easy to misinterpret what someone is saying even face to face. Communication is complex and we are talking about intimate stuff with this kind of relationship.

Internet meets have also made "ghosting' into a thing. When people met other ways, like seeing someone who appeals at the bank, store, bar, meet-up, etc., it was face to face from the start. The visual and tonal were a part of the dynamic to start with. It's harder to 'ghost' someone when you know where to find them, and they can't simply disappear. We may evolve ways to cope and deal with that, but it is a new social phenomenon.

Whorgazmo​(sub female) • May 23, 2023

I can understand the points of both sides (let's be honest and just admit that it splits down the gender lines).

I'll give insight from a serious person (who is not a flake, as most times a flakey person will do this because they don't want to be caught cheating or they're liars) who has done this both accidentally and purposefully. On a site like here, where there's no way someone is getting more than 20 messages at a time, it would be polite to respond back. However, between this and other sites someone could be getting and responding to hundreds of messages a day. When I'm dating I'm responding and memorizing facts "seriously" with at least 10 people at a time to try and engage them. Writing entire novels to respond to one message sometimes. That's what one must do to determine a connection...it gets hard to keep up. It's exhausting and almost a full time job when one adds all that to video meetings and in-person dates. At the basic level where you've only exchanged written messages I don't have a whole lot of attachment to the person because they too could also disappear at any moment(and do). The person doesn't know me and I don't know them. And that's the other part....at that level where we haven't met or spoke in person, I would not notice if a person dropped off the earth. I would assume non interest and move on with my life. I don't want or need them to explain the situation to me because it all boils down to their inability to create quality time with me. Apparently I'm a lot more fucked up than I thought because I always assumed that other people thought the same way about just ending it by not responding.

For a past example, I've been talking for two weeks with someone through written message. In my profile it says "no single dads". So, then the person brings up that they have kids after two weeks. You try to cut it off politely and end in having to write three more messages as they always want to know "why?". Well, at the end, who's wasted who's time? It's easier to just stop messaging at that point as you've gathered enough information to determine that you don't want to pursue anything. They might be a nut job, have a penis picture in their profile, like incst fan fic. The actual reason is irrelevant I guess.

***Ghosting is 100% evil and wrong. However, people have expanded the definition to include complete strangers...which is weird. You can't ghost a pen pal. Ghosting (IMHO) is when someone is in a relationship or is regularly seeing someone (in person or camera) to the point where a relationship is assumed. You know them well and have become emotionally, physically and/or financially invested.

Notely • May 31, 2023

Little late for a comment but I will add some words.

Take a Deep Breath everything will be fine.


Take everything into moderation, yes this is online. You have feelings so don't allow your emotions and mind to mess with that. Take a break from the computer, go get some air, go for a walk, and change your thinking change the radio station put some music on sooth your soul. Know one can nit force connection it has to be in the right vibration at the right time. Both people gotta feel it both ways it takes time , Know one can force talking , Know one can force a reply. You see someone you're interested in but don't get too hooked just respond in a nice way, don't over do it, don't get too hooked like they are yours when it's just one message. Just ask someone how's their day so if people do get busy things can happen fine to be listening ear just check on them don't push it too far. All you can do is try its experience if it does work out so be it, if does not bless it just keep moving. You could be talking and feelings can change on your end or theirs but rejection happens. The thing is don't take rejection as a bad way, it's saving you both for something better. Some doors close and new doors open in life. You gotta take Failure in a good way. It was an experience you tried but if the feelings are not the same it's not the same save yourself for new doors to open. Enjoy the music of life when things fall better things are coming so do better things will come in time just focus on you but don't get mad over spilt milk people have a right to their feelings just as you do enjoy you right now Ok to enjoy talking but enjoy the moments in life things do come and go but you learn something from them they learn something from you like gas station people come and go the right ones will stay so be thankful for the people that come and go they teach you some things some people just walk ins to help you for the next best thing so be ready but don't take so far you still got you you may meet these people in past life or another life you are here for reason but just know everyone got a place so do you. Just be at peace with things and people let things flow. If you let it go it stays it stays , don't get attached til you know it's right both ways. Whatever is bothering you cut cords and bless what is now moving into a new light dust yourself off be you. Limit your screen time keep the sentence short but enough don't ask for a relationship many get tired so just say other things make it interesting coming from your own self like You have really spirit eyes I hope your day going well if you have some time I like to talk to you not trying to force but like to see if thier is more just saying this saves conversation. But also be good to yourself what you put in let go of negative thoughts and things about people make peace with it you can love people but put them were they belong but you can say your at peace don't have to say a word once you do your set free from those things so you can keep living a beautiful life. Negative mind life wont get you any where it can make you sick have a headache ending in a bad day so clear your mind and thoughts make sure you do you before the day starts recharge rebalance your not a bad person your human you just need to water yourself so you can bloom keep going. Patrick Starfish would even go to Crusty Crab get a burger to see his friends , Take a drive get out the house.

Note: If it's not the same not the same. Maybe you feel like thier something but they also have to feel the same so never force it they will show you when they are ready stay allow things to flow take it slow. Never say you are both a match , Or We could look good together it just not cool. Have patience FIne to visit but don't wait for an application, keep busy, have a routine, get some things done, take a break, log off, and try. Be secure for yourself. I mean like your health, do a little exercise, take care to get your life secure for yourself, do something you like to do in education, not something that is going to give you a headache but a passion you can still live . Grow for yourself, get out of your comfort zone, when you're scared just fly, see how good your life can change once you do things you want to do. Those good things will come to you. When you good to yourself and your soul , Your eating good good your listening to good music , then you have good sleep you wake up better , Also how you start the day if good or bad change the radio station up to you to change that put something good on dancing and music is part of the essence for you to flow with your masculine energy. Make space for yourself and have some alone time to have peace as peace will show you like going on vacation , Going for a walk , Bathing a nice bath. Once you are alone you find the places you are centered to help you with your goals and dreams. Write down the things you don't like make them better , Write down your bucket list of goals and dreams just do them get them done But if you do anything do for yourself in favor this for you become the partner you seek date yourself so you know how to love another be the reflection you deserve with flow. The cage will be here when you come back so make time for yourself.


One thing I wanted to say is, don’t be fooled by the internet. It’s cool to get on the computer, but don’t let the computer get on you. It’s cool to use the computer, don’t let the computer use you. Y’all saw The Matrix. There’s a war going on. The battlefield’s in the mind. And the prize is the soul. So just be careful. Be very careful. Thank you. - Prince

Notely • May 31, 2023

But about the profile you wanna change things. I know you can do better but do it for yourself if you do anything but for your future life.
gotta be fair for you and them You wanna be the Dom you need to respect you as a person first for most you need to put what you can be good as a Dom not about how they look . That willing to grow a conversation and connection see how it goes if it works out or does not or just be friends or go on their way.  TO win a submissive you need to earn their trust and and heart a submissive has to feel safe and protected to allow you in. You're the one that should be showing them they are not on here to please you online, it's not about pleasing making a sub do silly things that is not respectful at all. If you have no intention of meeting or going real you better off putting the Dom thing away the lifestyle more than just sex its a bond of love and trust. Until you become grown with yourself work on yourself Reserve your life and secure it take the responsibility as a person when you done the work  those things then your a Dom.  You have to respect Women for who she is. A Woman brings life to life in this world a WOmen is made from a mad rib made close from his heart and to hold her so to be a Man you gotta start acting like one inside and out. Got nothing to do with women's bodies or looks. You gotta look inside of her and her soul and mind to find the parts you can understand if you are all about the outside that are not gonna last long. If it was the other way around would you treat yourself the way you wrote then Ok then don't treat anyone if you don't like to be treated like that do alot better. No girl wants to play online but if you say play play only online that what you're gonna get a hit and run is probably a block  so girls will think your sugar sugar so best start changing some things and do not  settle for less better yourself as Dom. Because the way you act, how you live, what you say, what you attract. If I were you Educate yourself a little better in the lifestyle, take your time improving yourself as a person for your future partner if you want the same in return. You need to say I want to respect you as Women in your soul and mind art of your big behind like how she comes either way. That you will lead a Provide Guide Show your Sub as a Dom that is your Job to help them grow. They need you to be a Good Teacher. They're gonna rely on you to come to you when they are sad, someone to talk to so they understand this. As you are in your early 20s work on yourself and also work on getting yourself financially secure so you get your own place not in a bust but if you do good but don't tell people what you got don;t show off. You can say you are secure but don't put too much out thier you don't gotta be super rich but if you want to keep away the sugar then don't say Dmoney don't look for online only be respectful for yourself what you put out there.  Invest in improving your appearance as well. Don;t need to put on a suit but you can get a blazer still look nice but be clean cut and well groomed but keep it down a notch you will find a girl that is not just for money. The right girl will want to share the life with you build a partnership with you, even for her to stay at home she will take care of the house so that you can go up behind her why she dunging dishes you can pat that butt you got her she got you that what really matters in the end.  To get good Women you gotta be Good Dom those two things go together that makes one to hold a foundation in thier lifestyle. You be the one texting them Good Morning how they are don't exspect a connection to be forced just be thier be a listening ear know that you care but don't get to in close til you know the connection is right your the one that need to get emocially invested before getting hooked. She will do her part if you go yours first. Get some new photo's little classy laid back not like you got hung over at a party get out the frat get up those stairs be better for yourself but for you.
Note: Don't call yourself a Dom or Master in profile or when talking, present yourself as a Gentlemen with good soft Dominant mind and soul when it's time also read emily post manners find book how to be a gentlemen book inprove your and create your life as you become.

autisticbarbie • Jun 1, 2023

That is so not O.K. and I'm sorry that happened to you. I would report that message right away to this site. I work in tech that IP address shit is something stupid people who can barely use the Internet say when they get butthurt. To be extra safe, you can use a browser like Tor or a vpn.

What a jerk that guy is. Hugs. Your last paragraph is right on the money too.

cutiepatootie​(sub female) • Jun 1, 2023

Thanks so much! When I looked back, I realised how unlikely it would be for him to do anything. The explicit details were pretty terrifying at the time, though. It was actually on another platform, which I promptly left after that, and then a second traumatic incident happened (with nil moderator intervention). I'm much more of a people person than a tech person, so I appreciate your insight. And thanks for the hugs and support!

I'mME • Jun 1, 2023

Thank you for this post. The second half is spot on. Your clear description of what is considered ghosting and just a stranger disappearing so much better than my y attempts to explain exactly that.

My god people chat on and off for 2 weeks , then one slides out of the space for whatever reason. That's it. No ghosting .

Thank you.

SapphireEyes​(sub female){JoshuaD } • Jun 3, 2023

I am guilty of the unexpected blocking.

Now before anyone judges, I had a good reason. It showed me a red flag in the potential Dominant and was a clear instance (in my case) that availability in times of needing his comfort and advice was not happening.

I do not hate him, I tried to explain, however silent treatment (which I clearly state is a problem for me) left me no choice. Explaining how I felt thoroughly to be told "I'm confused" (from his end) showed me this would be an issue.

Do I wish it could have been different? Yes. However, my children come first, and the situation needed me to be with them, not him this weekend, and it was suggestive of what could have been a pattern down the road.

He will make an amazing Dominant for someone else. For my situation, it wasnt going to work.

Notely • Jun 3, 2023

Everyone has right to keep them self safe kids do come first. Girl can do whatever she wants if makes her feel sexy just because she want’s to just respect her. Whatever your boundaries are keep them. But if guy says he wants real turns around o my online just be honest ether way not twist around. Both men and women deserve the same just be good to each other. Do what makes you feel. If you treat person like crap be ready get crap in Return person waking away.