True heart

True heart

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 31, 2023

In a recent approach, the expression 'true sub heart' was used.

This has me pondering. Do you believe in such a thing as a true sub or dom heart?

Or do you believe more in a good heart? And any submissive or dominant traits are an overlay?

MCCheer​(sub female) • Oct 31, 2023

Oh that's a very good question. Does it have to be mutually inclusive or exclusive? And does the person have to "know" it?

Meaning I have known people with a good heart who are in no way lifestylers or even people who would dip their toes in the lifestyle. I have known people with a Dom or a sub heart who did not have a good heart in any way shape or form. And them I have known those who have both a Dom or sub and a good heart.

Not all of these people who had both necessarily "knew" they had the Dom or sub heart. Usually because of no exposure.

I personally feel if you do not have that true Dom or sub heart, you couldn't live it 24/7. It would be too much like work. At the same time, sometimes to one's own detriment, they can have a Dom or sub heart and not know it.

This is so hard to explain because I totally feel like I went in a circle and that's definitely not what I was trying to do.

Hopefully someone will word it better and I can say, yeah that!

LordofPain56 • Oct 31, 2023

I don't see myself as defined by my proclivities in BDSM at all. It is a small part of who I am. In the last 25 years or so, I haven't been active in it at all.
I certainly have Dominant traits most vanilla people who have known me well might describe me as an Alpha type, but everyone has a different heart.
I'm not even strictly a particular Dominant type. I am a mixture of Sadist, caring, nurturing, sensual, but I would not say that I'm a Daddy type, although there have been a few who have argued with me over that. But I can say that I'm definitely not a slave-master nor little girls Daddy type (okay maybe a little bit). But whatever traits I have, they are all natural, not learned. I have no idea what that all has to do with the heart. To me, these are all mental characteristics, technically.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2023

The mainly problem is the word: True.

What is true for one is not so much for another.

Now do we have a calling for the lifestyle, We can. Those who believe in the mental and emotional sides can have a calling. Those who just want to be kinky physically, not so much.

Sololoquy • Nov 1, 2023

I completely agree. I don't even really get how BDSM can be practised safely and responsibly if it isn't about being mentally and emotionally engaged. Going through the physical motions for a lot of activities, without being mentally or emotionally connected, carries significant risk of being downright dangerous.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 1, 2023

"True" in this context is subjective.

One may be into this crap with good intentions, respect, and the ability to listen along with the ability to convey one's feelings on a given matter (also known as "a good communicator) in not only BDSM-related matters but life as life goes. To one that might be a "true heart" but to another, with loftier expectations, the "heart" might be "good" but not "true". Again, "Subjective"

This often (but certainly not always) goes hand in hand with lofty expectations which are actually unrealistic.



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As for me, I never did or want to do relationships or D/s dynamics because I definitely do not have a "true heart" as the OP asked about.

As "Lord Of Beat-Up Old Car" indicated, being twisted never defined me either. It's but a small facet of my darker side and although I date no one and don't screw around right now, maybe not again---- I still am "like-minded"

I can understand where people in here are coming from and although I definitely don't have a heart anyone would want to take home to meet Ma and Pa Kettle, I do care, to a point, about people I write to in here and whose threads I post on.

Think of it as a non-medical version of "clinical detachment".

I care, but only to a point, so as to not only remain objective, but also to not allow anyone's various travails to affect my inner peace and emotional balance.

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Regarding what the Topeka dude wrote at the end of his post, I concur. I most definitely do not have a "BDSM calling". When I was fucking around, being bound and whatever follows, I was in it to get off and of course make sure whatever partner I was with got his rocks off, too.