Scared friend away with my confession

Scared friend away with my confession

Babygirlucy​(sub female) • Sep 28, 2018

Decided that I needed to come clean with my best friend. We’ve been friends for 25 years. She was so freaked out that she won’t return my calls. It’s killing me. Has anyone else dealt with this? Please don’t tell me then she isn’t a real friend. Just because she is freaked out doesn’t mean she is a bad friend.

Kitty21​(sub female) • Sep 28, 2018

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I haven't experienced it myself, but the thought of being shunned by my best friend is terrifying.
I really don't think she is a bad friend, but perhaps she needs a few days to absorb what you told her?

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Sep 28, 2018

Fear of the unknown scares people. I haven't had to deal with it yet. I do know that my friend of 50 years would react the very same way. We have held each other up since we were kids. I would give her a few days for it to sink in. She will probably research everything you said to help her understand. Send her a text next week and ask her to get some coffee. Hang tough, she just needs a little time.

Aria Smith​(dom female) • Sep 28, 2018

I've heard about this before and know someone that had to deal with something similar with family. My take is that it's more about her than you. She may not be a bad friend but she is letting her assumptions about what you confessed to her lead to react this way than giving you the opportunity to show her differently. You are ok with where you are now she has to decide if she can accept that about you.

JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ} • Sep 28, 2018

Let her be for a few days - the worst thing you can do is chase her. She seems to be quite a closed minded person, but she may come round to the idea when it sinks in and hopefully will approach you to explain it more. You’ve been best friends for a very long time and I doubt she will want to throw it all away for this - perhaps she is hurt that you felt you couldn’t tell her a long time ago so feels perhaps you can’t trust her fully and just needs time to adjust to this perhaps shocking revelation. On the flip side, if she doesn’t come back and won’t even let you explain things fully and have an open mind for you then she is probably not the friend you thought she was and I would try and move on. I’ve been there with friends for other reasons and sometimes you have to let go. This says more about her than about you hun. I hope she does take a good hard look at herself and makes the right decision xx

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 28, 2018

You've had a life time to adjust to the way you feel, give your friend some time. It takes time to process. You have some wonderful advice above so I wont add to whats already said..but will add, I do hope it all works out for you.

A book that might help (if you ever need to do this again or anyone else does) is "when someone you love is kinky" its a nice gentle read for non kinky. I'll let the dust cover do the talking...
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When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support
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like any book, read it first before giving to another. Only you know your loved ones.

Bunnie • Sep 28, 2018

It would be quite a shock. She’s known you for 25 years and I imagine would’ve thought that she knew everything about you. She may be a bit hurt at the moment. Hurt that you didn’t trust her enough to tell her sooner. Hurt that you’re “changing the rules” of your friendship. Maybe it might be helpful to let her absorb it for a few days and perhaps in that time you could write her a letter and explain why it was so difficult for you to share this part of yourself with her (or anyone), and the fears that you had around it, and why you decided to now. In an odd way, it will require a little bit of rebuilding and getting to know each other again... but you have a very strong foundation, so it should only be a relatively little bump I hope it works out.

CK45​(sub female) • Sep 28, 2018

~hugs~ Lucy.
When I told my good friends they all chuckled and joked about it.
At that point, it made me feel bad so I stopped talking about it.
A few of them approached it with me afterwards and after a discussion some were uncomfortable with it and didn't want to talk, another said it was maybe a phase I was going through, while another 2 (who I've known forever) wished me luck on my journey (to educate myself further and perhaps find someone).
We all still talk but we don't talk about that...ever.
I'm glad I got it off my chest but I feel you.
Give her some time...it can be hard to digest for some people if they aren't open to it.

CapnRick​(dom male) • Sep 28, 2018

The advice you've been repeatedly give to let it lie a while while she processes is sound and well worth following.

It is too late in this case, of course, but I might note that this feeling of wanting to 'out' your kinky side can often be fraught with perils such as you've experienced. It might be useful to point out to other feeling a need to have someone understand and be about to talk about a kinky life might find the friend(s) they need here in the Cage or on other online forums.

As a Cager for a while, I ave been privileged to hold emotional hands and discuss someone's need for a non-judging friend. I suspect a lot of us here, Doms, Dommes and subs of all flavors would be honored to provide a knowledgeable and perhaps helpful listener... I suspect you are not alone is needing someone to 'know' and be able to discuss, or just listen...

Hawkeye • Sep 29, 2018

Drop this piece of trash as soon as possible. Friends don’t abandon you in your time of need, they step up when everyone else is stepping back.