stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
Not sure anymore.
Hi all, I need some advice. I welcome all, both sub and Dom with appreciation.
I have been Dom all my life with occasional switch tendencies (only with my subs and to satisfy some of my kinks.) I have always had strong foot fetish and face sitting etc but those have always been satisfied by my subs as reward/duties as a dom. I was never into the Sado/Mas thing, but strong into bondage and discipline. About 15 years ago my life partner (sub) passed away. I was devastated, I mourned her for a long time. I finally got back in the saddle but it was never the same for me. I am getting up there in years now (64), but my sex drive is still as strong as ever and my fetishes/desires had not changed... til recently. In the past two years I have lost 3 lifelong (40+ years) friends who were oblivious to my kinks but they were my best friends. All of a sudden my fantasies have take a complete 180. I now fantasize constantly about being subdued. I have foot smothering, ass worship, face-sitting and golden shower fantasies? I fantasize about younger women completely dominating me, forcing me to endure (not a good choice, more like enjoy) their every whim. Have I gone insane??? I need help/advice with this... I have not completely lost my dom personality, but I am well on my way. Any advice would be accepted gratefully as long as it is incite-full and tasteful and not demeaning or spiteful. I am at a loss here. |
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Online now
Sweet Minx(sub female)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
Hi
Did you just join today? Welcome to the site. I dont think you're insane and there's nothing to shame. Your interests have changed and I think that happens to most people at some point in life. Embrace it. Best wishes. |
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Guyyy(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
The way that I think of it is that Dom and sub are categories, not a sum of who you are.
At some point I identified as a teen, at another as a guy in a band, at another as the best uncle in the world (at least I think I was  ). But none of these things are a summary of who I am.
I believe that following the path to "Know thyself" is always helpful, no matter where it leads. It's a journey that never stops. |
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
Thank you Snow, yes I just joined. It's hard to find a place just to put it out there and I hope this is a good place. No one I know (but one and he recently passed on) would even have a clue how to deal with my kinks. There are a few who know, but they are just either sarcastic/envious guys or curious or disgusted women. I won't even get into how they would react to these curious new fetish things. Thank for taking the time to weigh in. I am still bewitched... bothered and bewildered by these new feelings.
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
Everything wrote: The way that I think of it is that Dom and sub are categories, not a sum of who you are.
At some point I identified as a teen, at another as a guy in a band, at another as the best uncle in the world (at least I think I was ). But none of these things are a summary of who I am.
I believe that following the path to "Know thyself" is always helpful, no matter where it leads. It's a journey that never stops. thats the problem lol... I don't even know who I am any more. |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
I think just like food preference, kink preferences can change over time. When dealing with food preference we merely taste the food.
I wonder if scratching that itch will tell you which way you now lean and bring on some clarity? I would say try find someone but time and investment into something that might just be an itch might not be good for either party. Have thought of using a reputable pay to play service (you wont find any here, it is against the rules and should be reported) There is no shame in using services such as this to establish just where you in life. its a fast solution to a puzzle that could tear at you for years. Cost you time in effort in direction that might not suit. Edited to fix the words pay to play |
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
MissBonnie wrote: I think just like food preference, kink preferences can change over time. When dealing with food preference we merely taste the food.
I wonder if scratching that itch will tell you which way you now lean and bring on some clarity? I would say try find someone but time and investment into something that might just be an itch might not be good for either party. Have thought of using a reputable pay to play service (you wont find any here, it is against the rules and should be reported) There is no shame in using services such as this to establish just where you in life. its a fast solution to a puzzle that could tear at you for years. Cost you time in effort in direction that might not suit. Edited to fix the words pay to play I don't think this is a switch thing, I think this is an emotional thing trying to deal with the loss of so many friends and loved ones. I never had any of these "strong" sub feelings before. I am always the strong one, always the one who has to hold everyone else together, always the one who buries his grief. I talked with a grief councilor about my pain (not about my fetishes. Not that I am ashamed of who I am, just I don't want to get into my sexual preferences when I am bawling my eyes out like a baby about the loss of my friend.) She said, I can't even believe you are holding it together at all with this much loss in such a short time. Shell shock she called it PTSD, makes you question your own mortality and trying to hold the world on your shoulders doesn't cut it. Not sure I buy that, but maybe. Just not sure how to deal with these new fantasies. |
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TopekaDom(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 16, 2024
Realizing our own mortality can have unknown effects on us. We change for no apparent reason or explanation. At least to us.
People also change through out their time within the lifestyle. Why? Sometimes we never know or ever find out. It just is. Plus at our age (I'm 5  , sometimes we are just wanting someone to pay attention to us, what whatever reason.
If you really want to know what is going on with you, it will take some time, probably a great deal of time, of introspection or talking with someone who is trained in dealing with said issues. |
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stairwaytoheaven(dom male)
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10 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
MissBonnie wrote: I think just like food preference, kink preferences can change over time. When dealing with food preference we merely taste the food.
I wonder if scratching that itch will tell you which way you now lean and bring on some clarity? I would say try find someone but time and investment into something that might just be an itch might not be good for either party. Have thought of using a reputable pay to play service (you wont find any here, it is against the rules and should be reported) There is no shame in using services such as this to establish just where you in life. its a fast solution to a puzzle that could tear at you for years. Cost you time in effort in direction that might not suit. Edited to fix the words pay to play Thank you Miss Bonnie for taking the time to reply. I don't think, actually I know completely that a pay for play is out of the question for me. I have never, and never will I "pay" for someones company (in the traditional sense, because we all pay to play in the long run.) I have never had a problem finding a "sexual partner," matter of fact I have turned down more than I have entertained, and that is a lot over 45+ years. To me sexual encounters have to incorporate more than just the act... there has to be a connection of some kind. That connection can certainly be purely sexual attraction, but to call someone up and say, hey... lets have this... never been me, never will be. I love the sexual tension that leads up to the act... That is why I am dom, I love to tease and to woo and to bait and then tease and hold on a bit longer girl, I aint finished yet. and tease and tie and deny. Deny until they cant wait, and then make them wait a bit longer. But I digress. I could never demean myself to the point where I had to "Pay" someone for my company. Thanks for the input though, really. I am open. |
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Satindragon{Not Lookin}
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10 months ago •
Feb 17, 2024
First, welcome to the Cage.
I personally find that losing someone you care about takes a toll on you and turns your world upside down. Dominants are human. They too need a safe space to deal with the challenges and changes that life throws at us. It is a natural progression as we age for our wants and needs to change. Sometimes we need help making sense of it all. The difficult part is recognizing when we need to seek professional help before things become overwhelming. Take some time for you and sort through things slowly. |
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