Genderification Going Forward

Genderification Going Forward

lambsone • Aug 20, 2024

This is meant to be a companion post to intenseoldmans discussion post on Genderification which can be found here:
https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=5988

So we've had much discussion on this topic over the last few days in forum posts as well as personal blogs. Lots of info and thoughts have been expressed. And as I considered future posts I might make, some questions came to mind about how future communication should be composed and behaviors/attitudes expressed in reaction.

Perhaps we as a community (and that means everyone) need to come up with ideas on how to express ourselves to one another and also treat one another with the equity that's desired.

Getting our individual needs met without stepping on others toes whether advertantly or inadvertantly should also be discussed. After all it's not enough just to point out a perceived problem, we must also do the work to determine how the problem can be corrected to the satisfaction of all involved. If that is possible.

So a few questions arise just because they've popped up in my particular situation, but if you have questions of your own because of your particular situation, then you should add them to this post to be addressed. I cannot think for all people so your brain and experiences are needed as well as mine.

Also if you withhold your perspective for any reason, then do not get offended if someone posts something that unknowingly offends you because you didn't make your perspective known. None of us are mind readers and I personally am tired of innocently posting something only to find out that I'm unknowingly walking into a minefield.

I will number the questions I have, just for ease of readabilty.

1. I am hetero and often have hetero questions. If I choose to post in the forums, there is no safe place for me as there is for some of the marginalized groups without being told that I am excluding other genders. And while I'm thinking of it, there are also no categories for Femsubs or Malesubs. So how can this be resolved if a person doesn't want to put it in their blog as others don't have to do because they have their own forum categories?

2. What kind of reactions to other cage members and their posts, that we can agree on, are truly appropriate when reacting to the thoughts of others than ourselves? Perhaps I could suggest naming it behavior protocol. The cage has posted their expectations, but it doesn't seem as though that's specific enough to address the how to's of treating another person respectfully. What are some ways to treat each other respectfully?

3. If a post starts expanding so much that the original question no longer is relevant or perhaps hasn't even been addressed before expanded thoughts happen, how should the original poster react or think about that? After all the original poster can feel invalidated that their question is irrelevant as compared with the greater needs of the community since the discussion went off in it's own direction.

4. What are some ways that we can express validation for others as we communicate and interact with each other? We only have our words and if we have a dissenting or non-dissenting opinion, how can that be expressed in a healthy manner to the other person?

5. How should we react when someone disagrees with us? A companion question to #4 from another perspective. Again verbiage is our only means of communication.

Well that should get us started. You don't have to answer the specific questions above if you feel they don't apply to you, or if you have questions you feel are more important to you, but I do hope that I and others can get viable answers to all questions asked.

As Topeka says "Discuss"

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Aug 20, 2024

Ooh! Great questions to ask. Excited to hear what others have to say.

1. This was mentioned in the genderification post, but by default, it is a safe space for hetero folk because it's the "norm" and general majority. Your feelings and perception of that not being the case is 100% valid given your experience in the forums. Personally, whenever asking questions, I assume the answers will be mostly from hetero folk, unless a) I know the person responding isn't hetero or b) they openly state their preference in their answer or later clarify. I think the solve is people continue to post where they feel their discussion fits, but I do agree that more specific categories would be helpful.

2. By giving people benefit of the doubt and trying to come from a place of curiosity. Easier said than done, obviously. We're human. Also the internet is... the internet.

4. I love the feature of being able to quote people as a means of acknowledging we agree or disagree with what people have said. For starters, it's literal proof of what they said, but sometimes people also just express things better in their words vs. what I may have said. I think acknowledgment of where someone is coming from helps or expressing their feelings being valid, but no one person will be perfect in agreeing/disagreeing. Let's be real, healthy discussion has become a lost art, but I think we can definitely learn from each other. Internet being the internet, etc.

5. Same as my answer to 2. Personally, I try not to debase someone by calling names or saying anything negative about their character. That's not my style. There's a great book called "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg that really helped me understand what it really means to be in a place of curiosity when talking with people.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){I Guess } • Aug 20, 2024

It’s really thoughtful of you to ask the questions and do some self reflection.

1. Try to initiate discussions in existing forums with a clear and respectful tone, acknowledging that while your questions may have a hetero focus, you welcome input from all perspectives. This approach might help bridge the gap until dedicated categories can be created. For example, “Why do men like breasts?” To “Why do people like breasts?” So you’re only interested in male responses, and you have the CHOICE to only read the male perspective. If you limit it by saying male responses only, you aren’t giving people a choice except to be excluded.

2. Listen actively and empathetically. Respond thoughtfully. Respect different perspectives. Avoid personal attacks. Be mindful of tone and language. Respect boundaries. Encourage open dialogue. Apologize when necessary.

3. Allowing a conversation to develop organically, even if it goes off topic, can be valuable because it often leads to unexpected insights and deeper understanding. While the original question is important, the natural flow of discussion can uncover new perspectives or ideas that might not have emerged otherwise. This organic evolution of conversation can strengthen community connections and foster a richer, more dynamic exchange of thoughts and experiences. Embracing this process can turn a single question into a broader learning opportunity for everyone involved.

4. Remember that words in text lack the very important aspects of body language and tone of voice. Ask for clarification before you respond emotionally, and recognize that everyone makes mistakes. A mistake is only a failure if we refuse to learn and grow from it.

5. Listen Actively: Ensure you fully understand their perspective before responding.

Respond Calmly and Respectfully: If you feel an intense emotion, take a beat and let yourself settle down. Share your thoughts without dismissing theirs. Use “I” statements to express your perspective, like “I feel” or “In my experience.”

Look for Common Ground: Identify any points you both agree on, which can help keep the conversation constructive.

Stay Open to Dialogue: Be willing to continue the discussion and explore their perspective further, showing that you value the exchange of ideas.

Agree to Disagree if Necessary

lambsone • Aug 21, 2024

*** Please note that since this post is a companion post to the genderification original post, there are some answers expressed by additional posters over there that aren't expressed here. So to get the full perspective be sure to read both posts. ***

I'mME • Aug 22, 2024

People should learn to ask questions and answer questions.

If you don't know someone then you don't know their tone.

I've seen 3 people apologize around this platform.

DoseofCam​(sub female){Collared} • Aug 22, 2024

That’s true, when I talk to friends on discord we all use chat tones like /j (joking) /srs(serious) /g (genuine) etc.

Cuz it really does get confusing out there

Miss Anima​(dom female) • Aug 22, 2024

You didnt do anything wrong
This isn't a everyone gets a trophy in someone's posts

lambsone • Aug 23, 2024

THE BIG REVEAL

As of this post I have personally read all of the posts in both genderification posts. Some I had to read twice to fully understand what the meanings were. After reading all those, I discovered that it helped me see the issue in a better light when the larger community discussed it. I think I needed that. I'm very grateful to intenseoldman for the good idea to give a place for the discussion.

I still have my own perspective and so my thinking hasn't changed (no I'm not out to marginalize anyone, and nor do I think one person has more value over another). However I have decided to change my actions/reactions because many more people have weighed in and the consensus seems to be leaning in a particular direction.

I am personally amazed at how much dedicated work, time, thoughtfulness, and energy that everyone put into posting in both threads. I think that is stupendous.

So with a better understanding I am willing now to make some concessions and promise to do the following:

1. Post only gender neutral posts in the forums that all can participate in freely.

2. Hands Off: once I post a thread I will take my hands off of it, so that it can develop into whatever it develops into. I also will not monitor it. It will be up to the community ourselves to play nice.

3. Dominant Voice: I am going to step back from posting so much. I was not aware that my voice was Dominant and lately I think I may have over done it. Hopefully drawing back will encourage others to step forward and generate topics resulting in many more Dominant voices to emerge equally. This includes posts I generate and those I respond to.

Somebody open a bottle of vintage champagne so we can celebrate!!!

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){I Guess } • Aug 23, 2024

That is incredibly insightful and very well thought out. I am sorry things got heated, and I am truly sorry you felt attacked. Your empathy is truly shining through here, and I think you are an incredibly brave woman. Thank you so much for being willing to listen, even through the muck of it all, and come to your own terms based on information and perspectives presented.

lambsone • Aug 23, 2024

Thank you for validating me, it means a lot. And for surviving my own onslaughts towards you.