Got ghosted again

Got ghosted again

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Nov 28, 2024

I got ghosted again. I’ve had a lot of conversations with other people here and on other sites mentioning that this is an often occurrence. This seems to becoming a trend in the bdsm community. I am not complaining per se. I just consider it to be a blessing in disguise. I’m not talking about people that disappear because stuff in life happens. I’m referring to people that stop talking for no reason but still remain active in the community. I’m not venting. Just making an observation.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 28, 2024

Yeah, the place has its fair share of people who don't have the balls (or whatever) to at least send a message saying they don't want to communicate further.

Abject cowardice with no excuse, and of course I'm not referring to those who receive crap in a first (unsolicited)message like dick pics or outright lewd content... I'm strictly referring to those in an ongoing conversation who simply stop replying without the common courtesy (and all the effort of a few key strokes and mouse clicks) yet are quite visible in an ongoing basis on forum threads, blogs and so-forth.

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Another one I get a kick out of... those who block other people who never even reached out in the first place. That won't prevent the blocker from seeing the blockee's posts in here which is probably why the blocker "pre-emptively" blocked the blockee in the first place..... "Whiff!!"... Ya missed!!

Whenever I see that someone I never messaged before has blocked me I just laugh. It's not like I ever would want to write to them in the first place.

Ho hum... No skin off my ass. But if it butters their buns more power to 'em. Just make sure the butt-butter ain't too hot!

Scarlett Sophie​(sub female) • Nov 28, 2024

I feel as though ghosting is a norm everywhere, regardless of what platform you might find yourself on. The main difference on here is that you can see the person actively engaging in forums or blogs, unlike something like a tinder connection, etc. Like Miki said, it’s very much “abject cowardice.”

I’ve had my fair share of ghosting experiences, and am not pleased to admit that I’ve been the ghoster a couple times myself. We are imperfect, us humans… and yes, sometimes life throws some nasty stuff your way which makes a simple message far more complicated. But when that isn’t the case, the anonymity of hiding behind a screen has shaped a sense of safety in leaving someone wondering why they never heard back from you. Because the discomfort of being honest and blunt outweighs the simplicity of being a ghost.

Out of curiosity, when it comes to a situation in which life gets shitty and ghosting happens as a result, how do people feel about circling back, even in a case where quite some time has passed? I can understand why someone might not want to open the door again after being ghosted - but getting the closure of knowing it wasn’t to do with them could also be very appreciative.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 28, 2024

The reason, often, they stop talking is because, for them, the conversation is over. They found out what they wanted to know, saw red flags, or simply realised you are not for them. Sure it would be nice to be told, but seeing them on here, getting no reply to the last message sent, is a reply of sorts. That though is not really, strictly speaking, ghosting.

If it’s happening often, then maybe go back, reread those conversations and try and figure out why it happened, what was said, or how, that maybe added to why it ended up how it did.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 28, 2024

"Ghosting" never happened to me RE established conversations dropping dead suddenly, and I don't "count" the dudes who, when they unilaterally reach out, we exchange a few pleasantries and the conversation drifts towards "more". When I reply that, as in my profile, I'm "Not Looking" they evaporate.

That's actually a good thing. This way he leaves on his own rather than my having to write that conversation is all I want--- more than once--. That's a pain in the ass. It truly is no more pleasant "letting a guy down" however easy-- as it is for him to read it.

But in my estimation that's not true "ghosting". Ghosting, at least to me is where an established and pleasant conversation abruptly ends and one writes to the person to ask what happened and they don't have the intestinal fortitude to reply to either state the nature of the conversational difficulty or just "I ran out of things to say, goodbye and good luck."

So anyway, as I said, I have never been "ghosted" in general, but if / when that occurs, I'll never write and ask what happened. Fuck 'em. I just shrug and go about my day as any other. No sense crying over either spilled milk or mis-fired jizzum.

lambsone • Nov 28, 2024

As many if you know I was ghosted in real life. I was never given an explanation and never talked to since. My Personal Story Warning and the result is in my blog. It can have real life serious consequences.

I can say that it left me confused, teetering on no hope for the future, angry, taken advantage of, sad that what we started never saw a true finish line.

To be assured over and over again that you are wanted, that he wasn't going anywhere, told that he was going to stick and stay, and that marriage was in the future, giving rise to the fulfillment of hopes and dreams. Then all of a sudden kicked to the curb without warning.

It was rude, uncalled for, something I didn't deserve, it put me on the defense towards other dominants, and severely limited my chances of finding another Dom having been given an STD without my knowledge.

So this action can be very devastating. If it had happened in cyber, it would have been so much better. Only my feelings would have been involved, as it is my body was altered in a bad way forever.

It doesn't take a lot of courage to have the decency to let others know that you are moving on. Taking the easy way out and hiding behind silence can have serious consequences for the other person, just because you haven't the guts to face what you started.

It's childish and inhuman. Face the music and man up/woman up. And stop treating others as a disposable commodity. They are flesh and blood, not an idea you can walk away from whenever you choose. Your actions WILL come back to bite you someday. And I hope they bite all of you ghosters thoroughly.

Whorgazmo​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2024

Happens to the best of us. I have a system that I use which reduces the risk of ghosting and yet people still be lame.

ABob​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2024

Yes, it's happened a couple of time on here. Short exchanges which seem promising and then responses stop. I usually reach out with a 'I won't bother you again if I don't get a reply to this, hope you are well' kinda message.

Softnote​(masochist female) • Nov 30, 2024

I guess the conversation may have died so let it or they just are not ready for that kind of thing. Ya it can get interesting and the energy can change.They can feel ashamed like not thinking they may not deserve anyone they tried but they have some healing to do. People can lose interest over many things. Some get shy or just want to try or are too scared to say they have to just take it how it is. Some people come into your life for a while to show you something. But if one say's they something does match up it can tend to scare one away if it does feel honest or what the person said they were. They might have people around them they have no privacy and people they have around are not allowing them to live their life they have to set some limits. You never know dude just keep living life you still got yourself.

Softnote​(masochist female) • Nov 30, 2024

Ghosting is  toast let it rest in peace.
Some need spanking and discipline. Not all are like this but can't tame them all but they must be willing to come with some growth. Some need a pick me up or wake up call. Some don't know what habits they are doing til they are shown yes some have to work on things.

 When it gets to reality it may even break the person's reality they wanna keep just the same but don't want to move further they still have things to work on that can get them to shy away.  Some still figure out the world; it takes time.  Not saying this anyone but women don't like when a guy pretends to be something then when the exchange photos come it does look white collar whatever who they said or clean up good are come with the life just has to be the same or its a no still a no. Looks are not all but one thing grooming skills and secured life, not living in a  shack, not being in prison well not all are but people have to read between the lines to be good to read people. But it's online ya you have to be careful women show a few pictures men need to do the same not just a blank profile I am not saying just one I am talking about they want a women they need to do bit of really studying themself and mastering self don't be lazy get up and clean up the lazy look life does seem they really putting in the work ya that would make someone walk away.  A woman wants to feel safe and know the person is real on the other side.  Forcing and demanding does not work; it can happen either way to anyone.  They can say so many things but can they show the blueprints that add up cause it's crap getting back. But if guy looks like came out the swamp ya it make anyone run ya know one's wakes up perfect but people gotta do better clean up life be honest.  One who has been on the ped list now will enter.  The stupid question never worked. Did you think of this when you were younger ?creepy as shit to make anyone run to the hills this happened years ago but truly anyone could just be playing with ya just to make you jump or just laugh. Men really gotta on manners cleaning up good some gotta stop living with the parents and get their own place the basement won't work. Know one is going to be a caretaker 24/7 and get a nurse, don't use D/s as an excuse.  Guy calling you sis have we met before what are people on these day's sorry know going to call you bro grow the up anything that against the law bye.  But if a guy has a blank profile but expects them to write back but it was only short words they gave they will not get a response.  Act lazy you will get lazy back. But gals gotta work on manners to not look like a bum in the gutter  and clean up well if you want the same in return don't get mad at men. Well, it goes both ways.  Perfect does not exist sorry but if you're looking for a model you're on the wrong site this not 2007 Victoria secret cause people come in all shapes and sizes. As a long person is willing to build trust a leading hand can mold without trying to change a person but willing to help them grow and show them the way.  It takes the right person to really wake it up not anyone's job to fix anyone but only you. That is right.  Be a jerk you get jerk back so check yourself  make peace if you want respect but come with respect and peace. The hi , . your hot ,  hey babe , Whats up grow some your a adult you know how to spell and write that why people pass you by.  Your just looking to get your dick and pussy wet your also on wrong place D/s is not all sex its more than that you gotta be able to read a person mind not mess it up.  You did come with manners, get some and chase real dopamine not the fake kind.  When they stop being pick dicks, people will come out of the shadow's.  Where are all the good men and women? Hiding in the shadow's they will come out when the rest can be good also anyone can do it just takes one person to start.  You're in the lifestyle, please do your research, don't just take everything you just read one place, go out read more, get a book, do your homework and test things and build. Take things in moderation also not all connections are the same, more fish in the sea rejection can happen but does mean the end of the rudeness. First connection does mean going to work out, take it slow, never demand or make someone bark.  Just a Dom and Sub you need to be a bit vanilla before the BDSM gets to know someone like you meet in real life at a coffee shop, grow a trust and bond because submission is earned not just given but also goes for earning a Dom heart as well. I know one has to do something crazy. know one needs to take it off and call anyone master or slave right away. It's going to take a few messages back and forth to see if the connection and energy is right then exchange fully clothed photo's then van cam and voice keep in touch as friends before anything. Meeting takes a few months and a year or more. The guy should meet the girl in a public place, never demand things be respectful, try to work things out, don't force anything, you gotta be the same as you did online how you met them cause you need to see if you're on the same page and never rush it only leads to getting hurt. Just get tested, don't jump into sex you really need to go out and do things like courting someone first you may need to sleep in another room and have some manners to build your way to holding hands more. You want grown Women/Men don't come off as horny you will get denied of the bat control yourself or be alone. Dear slave men, no Man or women will switch to take on demands to humiliate you in first demands just because your horny does mean the whole world is you go in a BDSM club all horny and perv you will get kicked out of place so think before you leap. Don't touch other people, ask first or people partners without permission. Don't expect everyone to be poly, not everyone is, many people only want one person alone not everyone kink is the same can not be changed. But sure their is a longer longer list know one got time to write it.