MisterAshmodai(dom male)
|
1 week ago •
Dec 8, 2024
Your post here seems aggressively at-odds with your profile where you paint yourself as being fairly inexperienced and preferring a soft approach to Dominance. I would certainly not qualify what you have posted here as inexperienced as you seen to have hit most of the major points of the lifestyle, by your own admission.
In regard to upholding boundaries, you may want to start with a simpler approach. How we interact sexually and sex-related-emotionally is rooted pretty deeply into our psyches. Breaking related habits cold-turkey is no easy task. You may wish to start by being more assertive in less consequential areas of your life. Speak up in everyday life to build confidence and comfort with weilding respect. Make posts that reflect what your profile says so as to attract softer partners. Accept that you may have to find ways to distract yourself from, or outright ignore, cravings for practices you know are bad for you. We all have to do it. |
|
|
Online now
Bunnie
|
1 week ago •
Dec 9, 2024
Sweetlydepraved wrote: I don’t believe telling someone they aren’t welcome here because they have more eclectic sexual needs is necessary.
I too have all these things, minus the history of being a sex worker. I have found my “safe place to be not so safe” because Daddy and I are both on the way outer edges of what I call “Bubble Gum BDSM”. He is merciless when he wants to be and gentle and kind when he wants to be. My suggestion would be to deeply think about the kind of person who can maintain a balance between the extremes, and then come up with your boundaries. Don’t rush into playing with someone, I recommend at least 3 months of getting to know/vetting. Set hard limits that fall away in stages as this person earns your trust. Write these things down and refer to them when you’re getting to know someone. Share your limits, and know that in no way are you “wrong” for adhering to those limits until someone has earned the required trust to start pushing those. It is a learning process, and you will fail a few times. It’s okay, just keep trying to voice, and maintain the boundaries you set for yourself. Well said 
|
|
|
That Berry Lover(sub female)
|
1 week ago •
Dec 9, 2024
I think do both taking a break from physical sex/dynamics and going to therapy is important or if you cannot access therapy, read up on ways to enforce boundaries and apply it in other areas of your life as practise. There are many resources out there to help but change takes a lot of self-reflection and practise. That means sometimes it will feel horrible or you may make mistakes but you eventually get the hang of it.
I've also struggled with boundaries before and I am not perfect, but I've learnt to do better. I used to be a person that would stay in a relationship no matter what or not see red flags in people, but when I started exploring kink I had worked on my communication of boundaries in other areas of my life and had yet to apply it to intimate relationships. It's hard, omw, it's hard. I will make a decision that seems right and then feel guilt afterwards. I had to remember how it feels when I don't make the right decisions. It feels much worse than the guilt of "what could have been" or "what if they change". It may be different for you. Explore until you find something that works for you. Make mistakes, piss people off if you have to, lol. Work on the fear of abandonment. That is most difficult part of boundaries, the fear that a person might leave if you say no or actually losing people and having to grieve relationships and friendships. It does get better though. I think community is important. Community can hold you accountable and gently nudge you into the right direction. Write blogs or more forum posts if you are unsure of something. It's great that you are also engaged in the forum. The forum helped me a lot in figuring out boundaries. I think it's important to look for wisdom from people of more experience and this place has so many people with great advice. You don't have to be looking for a dom to be here. You can be here just for community. COMMUNITY IS IMPORTANT. I think you also need to work on shame. There is not liberation in shame. You need to accept yourself including your past and your desires. If you don't feel like this applies you can ignore it. When I felt shame for my desires, I would punish myself through kink and other things. Since working on that shame, immersing myself in community and accepting my kinks, I feel healthier when it comes to sex and kink. I'm still figuring this out, I had a traumatic past month in my personal life and I am finding my feet again, but I don't feel the need to punish myself anymore. I envision a healthy relationship for my future. I do agree with the comments that you need to take control of your life and enforce your limits because there are many evil people out there who are looking for an opportunity to exploit others. I've come to realise that just because someone says that they are practising bdsm, frequent events or is involved in communities, have been in the lifestyle for years or decades, it does not mean that they care about being safe/sane/consensual. On the other hand, if you are not being honest and are not communicating properly, your Dom might not be able to know how to make sure that you are safe. |
|
|
I'mME
|
1 week ago •
Dec 10, 2024
B L O N D I E wrote: I'm just going to come right out and say it. I personally don't believe that this site is the right place for you. I personally feel that you need to get some therapy. I'm telling you this from a place of compassion as a survivor of abuse both as a child and as an adult. I think you need to go full abstinence on all sex and relationships until you get some healing and develop some respect for yourself. You are in a very dangerous situation where you can't protect yourself. You need to take care of yourself by giving yourself a total ban on sex and relationships of every kind until you figure your life out and rebuild your sense of self worth. You're young. Stop this madness now before it gets any worse or you get yourself killed. Get yourself some help and built yourself a real life. You can do this. You are not too far gone. You just have to love yourself enough to believe that you can turn things around. Trust me. I have been there. If you need help or support, feel free to message me. I really hope the best for you.
B L O N D I E, I could feel my stomach tightening as I neared the end of their message. Your answer had my little knots unfurling themselves. 100% agreement and you were succinct, Blondie. |
|
|