Who should approach first.

Cello Trance​{for You} • Dec 17, 2024

I haven't read everyone's reply, but I've read a few. I don't think there is a rule. I think it's completely up to the individual. I also know there are very strict role followers in this lifestyle. I'm not one of of them. I usually describe myself as a happy hippie cello playing Hypno daddy Dom… So I'm already kind of outside of the lines. I like to get a sense of the person and they got a sense of me.

I will say, though, and you probably already know this, so I don't need to say anything, but you do wanna exercise caution against Dom's that approach you in demand things right away… For instance, that you call them master right away or send them photos of yourself… That is the only thing I would caution you against. I think the rest of the time, just follow your instincts, do what feels right to you.

MissMelisandre​(dom female) • Dec 17, 2024

I don't mind if boys approach me first. Be humble and sweet. If you feel shy or nervous about approaching an older woman it's ok to admit that in your approach. I've met boys here and on traditional dating apps. It's good to openly admit they are looking for older women right in their profile.
This only works if your profile is completely filled out, well worded and you have several really clear pictures of your face. Do not reach out to an older woman on any platform if you have a blank profile/ avatar. That's considered bad form. You deserve to be insulted or ignored 😭

If you have an encounter with an older woman in public and you have chemistry, hand her a card with your name and phone number on it, smile and say you are very pretty and I would love for you to text me sometime. If a young man pulled this move on me in public, I would absolutely text him. I do this myself. If I deal with an attractive guy in real life I give him my card and tell him to text me. Be brave!

Final thought: you are not guaranteed a relationship with an older woman just because you want one. You can follow my advice, do everything else "right" and yet not succeed. At that point, take the L and leave her alone.

I'mME • Dec 17, 2024

@ Miss Melisandre,

I think this excellent advice could be applied to many situations in life. ☺️

Arancia Mizzinmi​(sub male) • Dec 25, 2024

I suspect it varies by type.

I bet a lotta women get approached a lotta times.

Statistically, sub males are so numerous, that receiving an approach is less likely than touching a rockstar at a stadium concert when you're in the grand stands.

I'm not one much for rules. My only advice is that nothing really happens until someone asks for it.

Even those who are approached typically have done something to make themselves approachable.

I would encourage any sub who seeks experience to approach... but... so many male subs cannot read a room... nor have most male subs done the work to be ready to satisfy the much smaller population of dominants. (I'm sorry to seem to judge, but this is not my experience, it's decades of listening to people complain about how they are approached, and who is even worth anything more than a delete or block.)

And, also, advice to male subs seeking experience... if you can't be with the one you love... approach a professional... you'll get your experience immediately and you'll probably learn how to be more attractive to dominants. And don't give me the, "I don't pay for it," nonsense... you pay for it all the time, except for a few kept exceptions... even then, you pay for it by losing your independence... but hey, take a domme out for dinner, dancing, a late night drink at a notable establishment, then again, each time you date... and you've already spent more than you would on a professional. Think of it as waiting for someone to voluntarily show up to fix your leaky toilet... or calling a plumber.

I bet I'll get some blast back... but any of the few people who've actually taken that advice and done it... have thanked me profusely... plus had more success in the general dating scene having learned from veterans. (And yes, I know there are many who claim to be pro dommes, but are just out for a quick buck... and they're easy to spot... just like a lousy plumber.

- am

trixietrixster​(sub female) • Dec 25, 2024

If I'm interested, I'll strike up a convo based on something in one's profile/blog ...

It's bout communication - not the side of the slash. Regardless of "roles", we are humans first and foremost ...