Trust in a 24/7 TPE Relationship

Trust in a 24/7 TPE Relationship

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Jan 1, 2025

Hi there,
I've been in our relationship for over 20 years now. I have a wonderful Master that takes very good care of me and has given me a wonderful life.

Ours truly is 24/7 Total power exchange. I have no carve outs. No safewords. It's always been this way. I've been pushing to take this to the next level. Pushing is not the right word, it would be like pushing a rope. I've always been challenged by handling pain and keeping my head in the right place.

Master tells me that our ability to take steps into that territory are completely reliant on my ability to trust Him. He won't accept safe words, he calls it topping from the bottom, and, he's right. He knows me well enough that He knows when I'm truly in distress. I KNOW that. Yet, I freeze up when we try to go there and get freaked out by the pain. Dammit, I WANT it.

This is now a recognizable thing that I have to fix. Trust. This is all on me.
We've developed daily affirmations, mantras, and a hypnosis script that I listen to every night to improve my ability to be the slave he wants me to be. I journal daily so that he knows my thoughts and we talk about that when He or I think it's important to do so.

Last night the trust thing came to a head, so I'll be restructuring my "HAM" tools, hypnosis, affirmation, and mantra, to assist in correcting this deficit.

Like I've said, he's been wonderful to me, and helped me to grow tremendously. He is always the Master, and he is firm and loving. It's my job to give him what He wants. I'm not open to safewords, or carve outs. That's not how our relationship works or has ever worked.

Any suggestions?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 1, 2025

Safe words are not, ever topping from the bottom. I could say much, much more, but I won’t.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jan 1, 2025

I agree 100% with Dollmaker. Safewords aren't just for you! They are also for the Dominant but I do understand that is YOUR dynamic and it works for you. We all sometimes need to do what works for US.

if you can't use a safe word, what about using a grading system? as temporary measure.
Grading systems don't need to stay in place they are a great way to progress in a problem area. 0 to 10 your Master checks in to see where your at. You said you get freaked out by the pain. Pain has many levels. By establishing at what level you freak out, will help you to get past it. if there is problem, you need to identify it and deal with it TOGETHER.

I'm a Sadist, my partners are maso. They all have a point where they struggle with pain, they all trust me 100% and it does help. The part where they struggle is well and truly PRIOR to DISTRESS (yes I too know when my partners in in distress nearly 30 years in) knowing the point where you "struggle" before the "distress". Your Master can then guide you through..with things like breathing (stop breathing you're going to hurt more), position (position can be everything) the method (toy weight etc) will also play into this etc.etc Your Master obviously knows all the tricks, since he's willing to go there without a safe word. Heck even room temperature plays into "pain thresholds". Maybe showing him that place where you struggle will help.

I'm sure your Master knows what he's doing and I'm sure he knows you... but like you said,, if your wanting to push boundaries, then this is a place you BOTH haven't been TOGETHER. This is a place you BOTH need learn together. That's why I suggested a grading system, that way your wonderful Master gets to push you, you get to go further...but you both do it together. Then your TRUST grows and the grading system that got you BOTH past that difficult spot can go away.

I hope you find a way through it, if it's where you wish and hope to be.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jan 2, 2025

Well, I hate to tell you this but,

Trust is just never on one person. To give someone trust means they themselves have to be trustworthy. Giving someone trust who isn't is foolhardy.

What I don't understand is after 20 years, how exactly are you needing to up the trust level. Meaning, what has changed from other the last 20 years?


Oh,

and I am with the others: Saying that safewords are topping from the bottom is a very stinky shit sandwich

vv V vv​(sadist male) • Jan 2, 2025

How have you been together for over 20 years and still have trust issues?

mysterysoul​(masochist female){JACKs L♡VE} • Jan 2, 2025

In the dynamic in Maso/Sado Relationship you are a human need to speak up about your feelings and have a communication time place for it but in reality feelings need to be meant.  I know some want someone that does have right but come on cause it's called growth  with responsibility ya you might like being 24/7 but their draws a fine line you need safe words red or green light with consent. If you're going in a scene it's talked about and agreed to pretend it's no consent but you still have consent why you need safe and sane consent. On outside and inside your still human would get boring after a while you need to have a life as well move around and have friends so on.

A slave is also allowed boundaries and can say no say red or green at times and when they feel hurt or need to talk to their Dom because people need to talk after care and some time together work it out.  Not about just one person it takes two to together both hold the key.  Because if something happens to you health wise they need to listen to you. If you need to see a doctor mentally you need to be social with your person to do this together. 

You would jump off a bridge if someone told you ? You would not need to have an open mind and sense of humor to be yourself.
Dom does want a break their partner to cause injury's then yes you need to open up both ways if something even happen to them they need to let you speak. Both hold the key. Their job and your job to keep each other happy so start making some new things you can agree together so does turn in to anything else. Get out the house date each other also. Subspace they need to tend to you when you freeze up they need to give you a break put you on pillow give you a snack so on this why has to be after care but care all along.

mysterysoul​(masochist female){JACKs L♡VE} • Jan 2, 2025

So like this verse when two partners are together even in D/s The Owner will always be the lead the sub/slave yes is under then but they still strong but still a cute creature be gentle they are made from the leader they need your protection and to feel safe.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to each other. You both own each other. Go still be your slave and master self but you devote your life for each other to make it an everlasting D/s relationship. You go through the thick and the thin ugly with good days . But this also ride or die you stick together no matter what. A relationship is not always perfect because you make space for each other and say hey this over nothing we can do better than this. Change the way you respond to things more in different matters, make them laugh or say let's go get ice cream. Talk about the mess later sometimes it's best to when you're ready to talk about it. Time to be weak and time to be strong you need to do both at all times.

mysterysoul​(masochist female){JACKs L♡VE} • Jan 2, 2025

You made a profile and post you have freedom do the same as you would with your partner speak freely. You can tell them what you do or you need second option as you did now. Girl gotta explore also to find her way in life.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 3, 2025

Trust should be a requirement of ANY relationship or dynamic.