Looking Back

Looking Back

lambsone • Jan 20, 2025

Looking back to the time you got into BDSM, is there anything you would do differently or change, knowing what you know now?

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2025

I would take fewer cues from porn and the internet in general, which led me to trying to portray what I thought a Dom was supposed to be instead of just being my natural self. Masking is unfortunately all too easy to slip into for those of us who developed it as a coping strategy growing up.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female) • Jan 20, 2025

Most definitely. I would have listened better, not believe the fairytale hype, worked harder to show my submission as he wanted in a certain act. I would have not forgotten to do it so often.

Aradia Nightshade​(other female) • Jan 20, 2025

This is a good question.

I'm not sure how much of it would have been possible back then, but I think I'd do more screening of the people I interacted with regularly who were helping me learn more. There were predators back then and there are predators today too.

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jan 20, 2025

Our situation may be different from many peoples.

Honestly, I can say that we would not have changed much if anything. My Dom told me that she was not a "Fifty Shades of Grey" type. Research was done without using porn. Boundaries were set by mutual consent, but still giving my Dom the control of what I do for her. Now after being a Femdom sub for years, she makes me happy that I agreed to be her sub.

Bunnie • Jan 20, 2025

Of course Isn’t that what growth is about?

lambsone • Jan 20, 2025

@Bunnie

Care to share some ways you've changed? It might resonate with someone here.

darlingdiana​(sub female) • Jan 20, 2025

No.. understanding i cannot change the past or the future is pivotal for me to grow stronger.
There is a reason, and moving in a forward motion keeps me in the present and to remember not to hold yesterday. What will be will be. When it’s not - i can deviate my thoughts from choices made to self accountability. It helps focus on me-and myself in centre.
Tip- a total Therapy loving girl when unable to balance 💯🙏🏻

Bunnie • Jan 21, 2025

“Care to share some ways you've changed?”

Sure 😊

I would say to my earlier self:

‘Grace is one of the most powerful gifts we can give to both ourselves and others. Accepting (and owning) our (own and others) messy, flawed, humanness without shame or guilt, ironically helps us begin to step away from the toxic behaviours we (and others) carry in order to achieve validation and love. Your relationships will then cease being about “how can I make this person stay/want me?” and more about the shared joy of curiosity and growth.’

Doubt she would’ve listened though lol 🤷‍♀️
Trying to understand if “mistakes” could’ve been avoided using hindsight thinking is kind of null and void imo.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jan 21, 2025

I thought this was a good question at first, but what does it accomplish? I sure wish I would've known what I know now, mainly that the people I think I know online I really don't know at all. If all the bad experiences from that hadn't happened, if I'd have seen them coming and all the fall out they would entail, I wouldn't have seen myself and my needs. Everything leads to what I know now, so ask me if I'd rather not know what I know now? I'd have to say no. I thank the Universe for all the shit, and hope I've learned enough not have to wade through much more, but there's a lot of shit. So, there, that's it--always wear my Xtratufs.