How did you get started.

I'mME • Mar 15, 2025

Not with your WEINER!
🤣

I'mME • Mar 15, 2025

Enjoyed reading this. Motorbikes brought a flood of memories back.

Sighhhhh, Wouldn't trade those days for anything.

I was wild w crazy hair, but if a situation arise that needed reasoning calm .
Believe it or not, the 17- 20 something yr old me also filled that role w/ a bunch of hard-tails.

❤️

LongerJohnny​(dom male)​{B&C} • Mar 15, 2025

What better way? Like compass it pointed me truly and directly up and into my first experience 😄 🤣 😂

SayYesMaam​(dom female) • Mar 16, 2025

I did not "get started." If you are asking when I " became " dominant, I never "became" dominant. I was always dominant, but I did not know that term or what I was. How did I find out? It was when I was trying to figure out why my relationships were not working, why my longest relationship was 6 months, and why I was never happy in my relationships. That was when I stopped trying to please the entire world by being "traditional" and decided to be myself. I am dominant!

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 17, 2025

I suppose, then, on that note I was always submissive, but there were certainly a few experiences along the way that shaped me to be this way.

I was always raised to be attentive to other people's needs, and to be generous, kind and considerate, and to aim to please. These were just the values that were drilled in me. But there were some experiences too. There were also a couple times when, when I was young and wanted to hook up with a woman, I would try to make the first move, and it would backfire horribly. Then, I became conditioned to letting my partner take the lead, so there would be no ambiguity or confusion- let me know what you want me to do, how you want me to treat you, so I can make you happy. Maybe part of it with me is, I guess I have a hard time "Reading" people, so I feel awkward taking a dominant or aggressive role with the opposite sex. So these traits, and these non-sexual (and not always positive) experiences certainly shaped me, but it took some real exposure to the more extremes of BDSM to really awaken it in me.

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Mar 18, 2025

I discovered my perverted self back in the late 90s when I first got the internet as a teenager and found myself super intrigued by watersports (which I watched gradually unblur as the jpegs loaded). From there I found all sorts of things that intrigued me, eventually discovering various D/s and M/s lifestyles through personal websites that pre-dated things like MySpace.

I carried that part of me inside with shame for a long time and I don't think I ever really believed the things I read about the lifestyle. I had my first relationship in my mid thirties, and I remember clearly the day we were talking about D/s and she said I could slap her if I wanted. I did, she smiled, something in my stirred.

My next relationship was with a much more submissive woman and I got to explore a lot more than just some light impact play and it was glorious. We both wanted to have a threesome, so I joined Fetlife to try and find a unicorn, but instead ended up enthralled by the stories of other people's D/s and M/s lifestyle dynamics (we were only D/s in the bedroom). I ended up having some long chats with real-life self-identifying slaves and our interactions really cemented my identity as a dominant and sadist.

A Minx • Mar 21, 2025

This forum question is intriguing to me as no two us are alike, right?! What is interesting to me is how most people identified quite early on (without naming/being able to name) their sexuality and even if they were/were not sexual at the time. That is fascinating and shows me some of the nature vs nurture of our sexual predilections.

I guess I was about 12-13yo when my bestie invited me to a sleepover at her favorite Aunt's and then finding out why was so eye opening to such a sheltered and catholic damaged young girl. Her Aunt must have been a freak (lol)! She had a treasure trove of "dirty" literature, juicy magazines and very naughty toys. My super uptight parents owned none of these things and sex was never a topic of discussion at our house.

Whenever we stayed over, we would cook dinner together then after her Aunt went to bed, bestie would sneak into some unknown closet space and break out the reading material and man 'o man we'd be up all night! These were not romantic novels, they were raunchy and much more. I remember one story that even included beastialty and I was confused and riveted all at once. I knew a lot of it was not for me but I just had no clue how diverse sex could even be.

After reading such graphic stories about ways to please a man and the many wanton/willing women I would often think 'where do I sign up for this?'! I was not sexually active but for a young girl with a vivid imagination, I just could not wait to get older and experience these things myself!

When I came across a boyfriend's Playboys and other magazines of that ilk in my late teens and early 20's, I found myself just as captivated by sex and sexual materials, I was interested in all kinds of "perverted" play and how other people did IT! The more unusual, the more interested I became. My first love was pretty kinky for an 18yo and I loved, enjoyed and learned a lot from him. I have continued on my kink path ever since.

Those first sex novels really gave me a good knowledge base and even a boost of some confidence to try new things as you may never know what you will like until you try it (at least) once!

jillyvalentine​(switch female) • Mar 21, 2025

How do you even get started? I'm not sure where to start...

Gael​(sadist male) • Jul 20, 2025

After reading through these stories, I feel compelled to share mine as well. I'm just now beginning, and I'm not entirely sure of the way to do so yet, but I'll describe some of the situations that make much more sense now that I've come to terms with this side of me.

------

I've always been the 'intelligent' one in my family. The one with potential, the one with a real chance. That potential brought with it responsibility, tho, one that was made clear to me from a young age; the responsibility to choose a path and excel at it.

I was fine with it, chose a path in life and followed it, centered my whole life around getting to every step in it successfully. Even leaving friendships and my first love behind, when a different high school was a more optimal option to reach my goals.

Without giving it much thought, using my words to make people behave in ways they didn't want to was something I enjoy doing since I can remember, but I didn't understand the extent to which this could escalate. Getting physical with others in any similar capacity was always out of place, so exploring that instinct further was too.

The first signs started in the middle years of high school. Transferred from the prestigious, very religious institution I was acing at onto a public high school. That threw me right into contact with people very different from the ones I've known before. One of them, a crazy redhead girl in my class, became a really good friend of mine. She was bisexual and had a whole operation built up with a three-way relationship with a guy and a girl where she was the link, and even kept replacements for either of them in their mutual friend group in case they snapped. Absent parents and enough money to basically live by herself as she wanted made the perfect mix to explore sexuality at full speed (with a bad attitude to match, but I didn't give a fuck). She enjoyed talking about her little group's last developments with me between classes, with varied levels of detail. It was a different experience for sure, and it did make me curious about the whole sex exploration thing.
I started browsing away from the vanilla sexual themes online, and found myself positively curious about constraining and more aggressive ways to have sex (I didn't know any terms or even that it was a whole different world, just specially enjoyed the few things I got to watch).

There are a few things I've always known about myself, one of them is that whenever I find something I really like (like a film, for example), I obsess over it to the ground, putting that main goal I was responsible for to the side for a short while. That's why when I started sensing to wich extent this newfound sexual instinct resonated with me, I was sure it had the potential to hijack my life with no end in sight. I knew if I started to explore it, I wouldn't be able to stop, and that was a menace to what I HAD to do; it would stop my life from revolving around that goal.

So I shut it closed. As closely as I could. I repressed it, focused on marks, books, sports, everything that didn't collide too much with my designed future. When my red-haired friend invited me, directly at the end, since I tried to roll back my interest a bit out of precaution, to join her group in their 'casual evenings' at her house, I refused. Twice.
My decision was taken, and it was final. After that, we grew apart as we finished high school, and I managed to successfully teach my subconscious to close off that part of me completely to myself. Looking back, she knew more about my sexuality and its possibilities than I did back then. Read me like a book, and probably wanted to hand me someone.

There were many other signs after that in college, which kept me remembering it was there, waiting. Like a fascination with necks and enjoying getting reactions from a partner way more than the sex act itself, but I quickly grew bored with the few short relationships I had. I was still in a very demanding program, sacrificing my social life at every turn necessary.

And then I got it, the successful and secure position I followed for so long. When the last steps of the path were within reach, and I saw a life without a definitive goal to base every decision around on the horizon, I had a choice. Find another ambitious goal to live by, or wander.

As I was deciding, I encountered another source to feed the sadist flame fading in me online. Saw myself reflected in the protagonist of a new book I picked up to a scary extent, and how he lived these desires. I couldn't ignore it anymore when this new obsession didn't have a goal to clash with. I found this world of BDSM, learnt the terms (can't describe the relief I felt when I discovered masochism was a thing), started to put labels on people I had met, recontextualizing past interactions... But I was still indecisive about accepting it fully; repressing it was a custom.
Around the same period, one of my best friends came out as trans. I got to see her changing, becoming a new version of herself, and especially becoming way happier than I ever thought possible.

That made up my mind. I threw myself out of my comfort zone. Now I've come to terms with my sadistic side and am ready to explore it, I decided to literally move away from my past. Starting anew in another country, far from past repressions.

I'm still figuring things out with this wander lifestyle I've chosen, but the path is clear again, and now I draw it step by step. I can't wait to meet someone worth playing with.

---------------------------

Thanks for reading my privileged ass pov haha. I'm clearly an 'Absolute Begginer' but I hope to get rid of the label soon.

Gael​(sadist male) • Jul 23, 2025

I'd say getting out of your comfort zone. The right direction is more dependant on where you live and many more details, but that's a must.