Limbo

Limbo

SweetHolly​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2025

I have been pondering this for a while and being new has made it harder. And yes I have questioned and started several conversations surrounding this and still like I’m in limbo.
You start a dynamic. There are your good morning and good night texts from your Dom, communication throughout the day, follow up on your chores and new tasks added randomly. You met a few times just to hang out. We are only about a hour apart. There has been nothing physical other than kissing. Communication becomes more sporadic and impersonal. With random orders here and there.
I understand life happens and things come up but I’m confused. I understand you’ve been dealing with some difficult stuff and I want to support you and comfort you but you clam up. You say things are good but we don’t seem to get to what I am struggling with in all of this.
Is it me? Am I reading too much in to this?
I am struggling to do my chores now because what’s the point, it doesn’t seem to matter. I feel like maybe I should try harder but why should I?
Can I get some perspectives please?

GaySadoMasochist​(sadist male) • Aug 13, 2025

I personally don't like to go down the puritan path with much and I'll extend that here. My perspective is that domestic chores as a kink for service is a more demanding thing than people realize because the submissive's signals for gratification are limited. I don't want to say that there are no submissives who do chores, because chores are so gosh darn fun, but my perspective is that such acts of servitude demand strong signals from the dom about the behavior. Those signals might be pretend abusive or overtly praising, but they should be there. Now personally, I favor less communication because I'm not a very social person. There are trade-offs on doing this, particularly on the basis of expectations of behavior of the submissive. If I am seeing someone every day, then I would be more OK on demanding chastity from my partner, but if I had an issue where I only saw them once every 2 weeks, that demand feels far less reasonable unless the submissive is explicitly into it, and even then I'd have gripes.

I would say that the biggest question is, how into the acts are both of you sexually, and would you be OK doing things you don't enjoy or perhaps consider misery inducing if it meant service to your dom? If the simple answer to your dilemma is "I don't enjoy this when I'm 'distant' from my dom", then that should be your indicator for regulating the pattern. For me, when my partner is dealing with a difficult period, my instinct is to do less dynamic wise because I want them to keep their heads on straight and not have to worry about outside troubles when they need to spend time considering critical emotions and circumstances.

Mind you, I am more inexperianced, so take my perspective with quite a bit of salt.

SweetHolly​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2025

Thank you for your perspective.
I think I should clarify my chores are the tasks I am to do as part of my routine that we have established.

Kelpi • Aug 13, 2025

I have been on his side of this and I have been on the on the side where text and calls slowly disappeared. I tried to let her know I was not going away just was busy (then came the day I went total dark on everyone but I was in a very dark place myself). I hate not communicating with someone I want to be with. It does happen for one reason or another. I try to be honest on let them know what is going on but my parents were human so I do not think about others.

Miki • Aug 13, 2025

I could only skim the original post but I've seen that before. You're not reading too much into it, sorry to say If communication is more sporadic and everything else is starting to look more and more like an afterthought--- for the dom in question the novelty has worn off and, well it seems he is bored.

This happens in all types of relationships, BDSM or not. Many succeed but alas many just fade away, sometimes sooner sometimes later, even years later. It's the nature of today's relationships. Full on commitment takes a lot of communication and personal interaction (In all things, not just doing the nasty)

Time for you to directly ask this character what's up and if he wants to move on or invest in the dynamic.

After that, start looking elsewhere anyway.

That wolf won't hunt.

Curiousmind​(switch female) • Aug 13, 2025

May I ask if before the tasks were given, before the dynamic started was an emotional connection established? Was the alignment of your inner longings, desires for the dynamic with his discussed?
Did you both know what you wanted from the relationship?

Did you want a “deep and give your all” the type of a relationship, and did he want just a physical aspect of the dynamic?
When the dynamic started was any focus, questions from your Dominant on what you feel when you complete the tasks, on what you feel as the relationship was progressing and moving forward? Has he ever asked you to describe what’s on your mind, what’s in your heart, or he just wanted to see the physical proof of the completed tasks?

Please ponder on the above questions, and think whether your desires, wishes, hopes for a dynamic have been aligned with the Dominant’s.

Obedient Bunny​(sub female)​{Owned} • Aug 13, 2025

My situation is not exactly the same as my relationship was on line but he suddenly ghosted me and I have no idea. We got very intense very quickly and he was recently putting himself out there after the death of his sub I really feel he wasn't ready. Someone else posted "for the dom in question the novelty has worn off and, well it seems he is bored. " I feel there was a bit of that too. I am lost, confused and hurt. My only advice would be to leave the door open if you really need to but explore other options even if it is just as friends.

ewieya​(kinky female)​{Myself} • Aug 14, 2025

It sounds like your needs are not being met. The next thing I'd wonder is, can they be met? I would express this to your Dom, if I were in your shoes. I'd tell him that I'm feeling unfulfilled. That I want very badly to show my support to him during the difficult time. Ask him if there is a way you can do it? Offer some things you can do, perhaps? Tell him also that you're getting less satisfaction out of doing your chores, but you very badly want to feel motivated to do them.*

Next thing is - IF they can be met, when? How long do I have to wait or what steps will we take to get there.

If you find there's no where left to go... At the end of the day, it doesn't matter too much what the reason is that he cannot meet your needs. If he can't, doesn't, won't... would you rather be with him, feeling unfilled or on your own?

Because that's what it comes down to. Him and all that goes with being with him, or you.

*There was something I read forever ago in Slavecraft by Guy Person - I read this so long ago and I don't remember exactly, but I think the slave was ordered to move sand on a beach with a spoon (the tasks purpose was not clear at first). There's something magical in doing because that is what you have consented to do. Even though it feels pointless now... wouldn't it mean more to you later, if you follow through now? Being authentic, dependable, obedient give rewards well beyond your Dom's immediate attention. And even if he doesn't turn out to reward you, you will know you've done your best and you are that much closer to being the sub you want to be (and for your future Dom/dynamic).

I hope this helps!

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Aug 15, 2025

Are you happy in your relationship?
Do you feel fulfilled with a sense of peace and contentment?

Or

Do you want more? Feel you deserve more than what you are receiving.

I wrote this in my blog and I will post it here as well. The right person for you will never leave you guessing as to their intentions with you. You won’t have to beg for attention or clarity or honesty. They will show up for you in both word and deed over and over with consistency. How a person treats you shows you how they feel about you.

Ask yourself if YOU want to be in this relationship.

SweetHolly​(sub female) • Aug 15, 2025

Thank you for your response.
That’s one of the things I struggle with. How long do they need to show that consistency before you start to trust it?

Because honestly I’m not happy with the way things are. I do want and deserve more and better. I understand that there is an ‘imbalance’ of some things within a dynamic but I also want the equality of leaning on one another and communicating. But this feels very lopsided. I’ve already spent too much time in lopsided situations.

Well I guess there’s my answer huh?
Now how to proceed?

Thank you