How do you deal with fake/insta doms?

How do you deal with fake/insta doms?

alwaystruly​(sub female) • Aug 19, 2025

I do find it rather exhausting talking to some people on here who put on a front, only to be lying and manipulating. After this happening a couple of times, it gets disappointing and discouraging. It starts to feel that they receive enjoyment from seeing how far they could push somebody or how willing they would go for them, and then disappear. Usually, it is pretty easy to tell if somebody is a fake/insta dom but people can be sneaky and I am wondering how others deal with the aftermath of that? How do they deal with the ghosting? Sometimes I think people forget we are human beings with real emotions and not just a toy (ironically).

Bishop • Aug 19, 2025

I have not had any experiences with instadoms trying to seduce me, but I can tell you one thing…they don’t see you as a real person. They are attention whores trying to use others for their own validation, enjoyment…whatever. They see you as nothing but a toy or object…so when anyone contacts you, go look at their profile before responding. If it’s blank, has a list of demands that you “will” do, demands that there will be no limits, or otherwise reeks of narcissism and arrogance, treat them the same way they would treat you and just block them. If you do talk to the minuscule, superficial creature, and he revels his true self (which they always will), just push that block button. They aren’t worth your time.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 19, 2025

Be very descriptive of what you want in a partner.
For the extreme fact that these ppl accomodate 98% communitynprofiles ive always told ppl to specify themselves to be owned even if they're not so as to not be contacted by said idiots

Bishop • Aug 19, 2025

Wouldn’t that be counter-productive if someone is seeking? No person who has any integrity or worth would approach a submissive if she has claimed she is “owned,” or otherwise in a relationship? I seriously doubt the fake doms really care if she’s is really in a relationship or not. They will still dump in her inbox…just my two cents.

Kelpi • Aug 19, 2025

Your question reminds me of the woman who was abused by her husband for years. She finaly had enough and left him. maybe 6 months after the divorce he remarried another woman. Now after about a year she started to check up on the new wife incase he was abusing her. What she found out was that he was the best husband a woman could have. Never raised his voice or made a move to abuse her in any way. Now this woman damn near drove herself mad wondering what she had done that the new wife didn't.

No matter what she did or did not do she was abused but the new wife was yreated like she was pecfect. Much later she found out the ex-husband was keeping an eye on her and was enjoying her torment. He did not have to do anything but be a loving husband to the new wife to drive the old one mad. Never found out what happened to the all but my point is when your ghosted just walk away and hide the pain. It drives my ex-wife nuts that I am happy and single. Iknow it is not easy but don't show them your pain. it makes them happy when you hurt.

Defender​(dom male) • Aug 19, 2025

Come into this thing with zero expectation.

That way, you won't have your expectations dashed.

MidSummerDream​(neither female)​{BothHold🗝} • Aug 19, 2025

Just look for a connection at first see were it goes not every message going to mean going to be a match because they have to be willing to get to know you over time be your peace and friend see were it goes nothing can be forced no demands. They need to be willing to get emotionally invested before getting hooked.

Connection has to be the same if your not feeling anything you wish them the best or just stay friends. Only share very little keep it on the low only share some limits not the ones that are more sexual because wrong ones will bother if you give out to much don't give them full burger cause they run. Why it's good to keep to the imagination they should be winning you over showing effects and blue prints not sweet words. They need to also be willing to earn your heart the heart on reserve can't be taken has to be earned with respect and shown not just given. If they start with a sex question - only limits making you bark orders and asking for nudes this is a Big No No - but they are not willing to grow a connection then no answer, nothing to continue anything does not make you feel safe or does feel right you don't have to do it is out of the question think before you leap just say good luck they keep it up block and report if gets out of hand.

Your profile your life your rules no Dom has the right just own gotta start out vanilla before it can become more it takes a lot more conversation and connection over time with feelings and should be mature conversation but until you feel more you may do more but it should all be agreed on safe and sane when to keep going when to stop. Submissiveness is earned can not be given. I know you said you want to give your mind body soul to someone be careful on that part great but be selective should only go to someone that respects you know one can just be your dom you don't have to call every person Dom you are still human even if you are a sub and it should only be with that person later on just be you time and place for all.


Know one should be forcing you to get on the phone right away or cam they want this they just wanting to get off. A phone call should only be in the chatroom first you can have a private conversation on there it still takes time not going to happen over night. It takes few weeks like 6 weeks or connection with courtship and dating to become more of a relationship. It truly takes 4 seasons to truly get to know someone more to be more real they willing to meet you a few times and show up take you out like a real person on dates be a gentleman.

Online can only last long depends on what you are looking for you will need to do check ins or go to some virtual world if its only online or online real to build a relationship to keep it going. Everyone's story is different they may want to stay single but want an online relationship but might turn in to something real if feelings grow but you need to make sure you both want this but good to be upfront if you want real real you get hooked on them other ones not in to it then you need to think about things. Some people are with someone just they just may not be able to change that why it can only be online. But if you want something real & only want a single then you need to do the math to make sure they cam there whole house your not hearing the other spouse in the background & they trying to shut it out. They're not vanishing all the time because they have someone.

Don't take it seriously all do in moderation until its more of a meeting in real meeting in real you can have feelings but keep it low dose you need to make sure they treat you the same as online as real when you meet see how they treat you in public and private. But even if its online they willing to take you out place on Virtual place not hide you same goes for real they need to be willing to know your the one not hiding you.

Your not into being shared of poly then make it clear to the person as well know one should force you in to anything everyone has their own likes that is fine but know can keep dragging it on if your only looking for one. Keep yourself busy keep your self open but make a routine, you don't have to answer every message, don't do til the end of the day, you gotta make yourself a priority, period, don't wait around but when someone wants to get to know you they should be happy to even be part of your world. Don't move in with anyone right way get know someone a year willing to meet you first few times a year willing to make room for you and grow and heal together willing to take the hand and lead still allow you to be you and work it out together in a partnership.

Mine after talking for a while wanted to meet in person I told him come meet me first I will meet you in the middle that's how it all happened he came 2 more times then I went to see him for 3 weeks then we both started meeting each other again and again til it was time to say want to move in together but its good to wait 6 months to a year to make sure you have your own finances and stability even if you are moving in together. When they are willing to move mountains for you and keep showing up then you know they are real not beating around the bush they did like waiting to long online that's how we both met we both wanted real.

But if willing to even to travel or road trip that can even help also so still get to know them til its time for you want to live together. Some may not have the a income but as long you make contact that sub is going to be taken care of the sub can do things around the house that you will help the sub and give them allowance each week that the sub earns and save money and help them with schooling or help them find work or some class. Because moving in these days can be hard you both that to talk about that you still need to see your friends and family know one can take that away from you know one should. They need to be willing to support your goals and dreams, and know one should not be using anyone financially, it should be about sharing life and being ride or die. Seems people also can not get u hauls if the states are to far away best to just rent a cargo van or bigger one the Dom may have to help the sub the Dom can fly and help the sub move but the sub should be going through things only bring what they can rest could be shipped. Some might be able to drive and rent a rv or have a rv that way things I know long distance but the right connection its worth it. Best of luck on your path.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned} • Aug 20, 2025

Even with the most detailed profile they don’t read it because even with “owned” next to their name , the fakes keep coming. It’s like a little game for them to try and snag as many as they can.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned} • Aug 20, 2025

That’s rather sad to have no expectations, a ho hum way of living. Expectations should always be right at the front, that and boundaries.

Now if you are here just to play and get off then go on right ahead with zero expectations.

Defender​(dom male) • Aug 20, 2025

[quote="Heart of Persephone"

That’s rather sad to have no expectations, a ho hum way of living. Expectations should always be right at the front, that and boundaries.

Now if you are here just to play and get off then go on right ahead with zero expectations.[/quote]

It was advice I read on here several years ago, and it has served me well.

As for complaining about insta Doms and fake Doms, there is poor behaviour on both sides of the slash.

We can all complain about that, but it is unlikely to change anything.