Abuse or not?

I need help. I don’t know if my long distance bf is a genuine dom or if it’s just a way for him to keep control over me… but I’m in a position now where I can’t get out even if I want to and I’m trapped. I don’t know what to do.

Trapped? You need to be more specific if you want anyone to be able to offer helpful advice.

Long distance relationships are a crap shoot; one I never wasted time rolling proverbial dice on myself, but if it's bad enough to make you wonder if he's a genuine dom or a controller... then you already know the answer.

If it's an LDR then tell him to get lost. He's too far away to harm you. If he threatened to do something if you dump his ass, then it's time for the cops.


I could be reading this the wrong way, but your post is all I have to go on.

I agree with Miki. LDR's are easy to get out of since it's not like they can come to your house easily.

I would add thought that since you are using the descriptor of "trapped" that it's AT BEST not a healthy relationship and that shoving him to the curb would be better than staying together.

If you don't feel safe in your relationship, if something doesn't feel right you are not obligated to stay. You can reach out for help. If you think that you may be in domestic abuse situation but you can't get out? Start collecting important papers that you might need if you have to leave quick. Birth certs, id, insurance info, anything that you might need to prove. Start looking around to see if there are resources in your community that might be able to help.

Trust yourself. If it doesn't feel right get some place that feels right.

We don’t know if he manipulated you by telling you this before your meeting, either online or in person. You were able to write here, so you can leave anytime. No one can hold you against your will unless you allow it. You have the right to leave. Don’t tell the abuser ; get out before they do something else. This is not a real relationship. This person is playing a game to trap you. If you’re in trouble, call 911 and get out quickly.police They can escort you out of the place. The police can take you to a safe haven. Never fall for anything just because someone says something online or in person. Think before you leap. If you wrote here, go to the domestic hotline website and get help.

If you can’t reach a phone, dust yourself off and try again get hold domestic hotline can’t get help
Unless yet try we can only fine advice to you here! This guy is a fool. He’s not the one. There’s no safety, no calmness. He’s just a boy playing a game. Kick him in the nuts and run. Pack what you can and knock on someone’s door. Ask for help.

Go to an ant-like local store. Say you’re in danger and need help as soon as possible. Real leaders don’t force or try to trap you. They take the time it takes to get to know someone. They would never force a relationship. Right away, they want to build a connection over time. They earn your heart, not just take it. But don’t go by sweet words. Go by sweet effect and prints. They must get to know you in connection, and connection is rare. You’re human. If not, you can decline. Submissive has a say. You can speak up. You’re not weak. You’re meant to be strong. Know the difference. There’s a fake actor percentage who try to make touched jump.
And bark but don’t clear don’t want carry conversation or connection anyone who want sex right asl or nude is a fool witthno ambition to even take on long term just guy living in moms basement pretending to be some aphla energy will show you that gut can spot it. Don’t jump for anyone it takes 6 months to get to know someone even in a connection 7 to 8 to even call it a dynamic gotta take get to know someone before anything get hurt if it’s to fast. Connection is rare they must be your peace not a headache! I was young once a guy wanted me to get on plane then once I got of the plane he wanted to have sex in the air port bathroom I said no I talk to a guard they seen and then turn it around paid my way back some do this got a thrill or game that not even in lifestyle it’s a addiction those freaks should get help. Does matter your age but you need to stand up
For self. I been locked in basement for 8 hours chained up
Real Dom would not do this this guy left O coult have screamed you need to be safe not be Locke up
Or trapped to long. Can’t leave someone in place locked so to the mind needs freedom you can’t someone do to a fire , health , temputure to
Take a shower and eat. Been there don’t that I was young talked to the guy to get me out of it he said sorry I heard later guy went to prison for kidnap
Charches. If you never tried stuff been in thr ring never jump
To meet anyone don’t just play with anyone build a connection your body mind scared only for someone who get in mind keep thre word over time. Don’t jump in someone owning or consideration it’s scam in the making they want you at hey talking to others see who they get to jump for it. The idiots just want you to play get Diease , have unplanned pregnancy , they lie don’t care care about your feelings they only care about them self getting off some people had the fake dom
Leave in hotel they naked tied the maid caught them
Called for help. Allways have Saftey any where take with you safe sane consent! Someone wants to meet do back ground check take the time Wait a month before anything.m take a friend to feel safe. They demand bark orders saying your not pleasing them
They won’t own you it’s a scam it’s other way around they need to keep you happy earn respect. We all live and learn it’s experience but up
To you to chose how will be in the future phaze you play it safe by using boundaries use at all
Time.ma.You can have a fantasy of lifestyle wait you til grow a connection over time when trust is earned they talk to you brought later not just right now in first message. Play it safe you will be safe read more Saftey in lifestyle connection it’s bests know one respect your temple gate closed they should be happy when be part of you! To many get hurt in the lifestyle they want it now desperation is danger and desperation is danger it won’t make a long term it’s more of get hurt around to find out that person may not show up
They lie nothing like said or they injure you. Jumping in it’s a safety risk no Saftey or commutation they may play with you but they could damage put you in the hospital they could leave youn on the street they afr game player. Do it you wanna safe person you gotta have Saftey. I see many have Dom own them to quick this not safe this a flaw of frenzy its not love it’s a game. Why take it slow. If you keep
Falling in to same trap
You gotta think better for yourself. My partner We dated vanilla months and he showed me Saftey he came to me first but we grow a connection over time wr both agreed on thing we for fully get long term til 7 months later. I not here to call you out but even bdsm clubs give pamphlet of Saftey. But lifestyle don’t built on fatsasy it’s a bond of trust takes two people to grow and mature in to the lifestyle to get know each other. Trust is earned not given more over time two have exchange of energy when it feels right. Why Trust and Connection MatterSafety: Your mind and body need to feel secure to be open.Communication: Without a bond, talking feels like arguing or empty noise.Equality: Both people must care and put in effort to share the load. Not what someone says what they do if they care they will show up not make excuses they will want to show you not force but earn respect first. Words mean nothing until they prove it know can call up say they wanna marry you it thy really they meet you in pubic be on one knees but that takes time. People may feel lonely or trying to get out of situations no man alone can be easy fix if your not happy you must be the one to do this your self people can be here for you but this up
To you to take responsibility for your life and stablemess I know many subs wanna be taken cared of but you gotta take care you first because takes two people they want some to contribute you stay home do your share part time thing. Age does not matter if you feel to late your not in life just people have to stop looking but say looking for connections but to open it takes right connection and energy. When busy not looking
Unexspected when you ring right one. I found mine unexpected just have to stop doing old things old ways won’t open new doors gotta believe in your self allow never give up
Never say can find anyone thing if be partner you keep be one date yourself enchant in like garden and keep going be busy but make time. Don’t give your life or time to Anyone the one who takes the time show up
Will be right ones! Just sharing not to
Get on a time but Saftey comes first!
But ask yourself if this support life I want if not then walk away! Do your home work you will be ready for anything! Anything I share just sharing take where you feel find your way in your way! Saftey comes first!

Once you gain independence, you don’t need a job initially. Talk about getting on your feet, getting out, and doing it for yourself! He doesn’t own you; he’s just a jerk who wants to control you. He’s not happy with himself, and you can’t help him. You have to think for yourself and prioritize your safety. Don’t stay just because you don’t want to feel alone. Think about whether this situation could be fixed or if it’s going to make things worse. He’s a difficult case. You’re better off without him. Shine on yourself and do better. Once they start telling you that you can’t leave, take your clothes, money, friends, and family. This is a sign to leave immediately. Back down, get up, and face the situation. You have to tell yourself that you’re better than this. Never let an asshole walk all over you! Learn self-defense and get out! When he leaves for work on the phone, leave. Pack a bag, light your life more to yourself, and everything else can be replaced. Get it back somehow! Just get out and be safe! If you’re out in public, go to the hospital and write a note saying that you need help. Let the abuser take you inside. Once you’re in, they’ll ask for you. Say that you need to use the restroom but that you also need help. There’s a back door if you need help. Just push this button or say what’s on the door. You have a right! Hospitals are trained for this situation. You’ll be safe, and they’ll take him away.

Thank you all for the replies, I will try my best to leave it’s just really scary. All of the threats seem very legit, he is the type of person to do ANYTHING to keep what hr wants. Sometimes it feels easier to not fight him… but I know I have to… I trusted him with everything… he knows everything about me…. But I’ll try.

How so? What is the position you’re in that you can’t get out of?

I wanted to ask the same thing, but I have nothing to suggest what I haven't before.

I know "easier said than done" but you need to be proactive. If this dude is threatening you, and if it is in messages of any kind that you have, you need to seek the help of the police or an attorney because it seems like he's extorting you, and that can get his ass in a frying pan if you have physical evidence of threats to you or your reputation if you kick him to the curb which is what you need to do.

This "relationship" is beyond toxic and you, as would anyone, deserve better.

He has files he had threatened to send, how can I be so sure he won’t if I turn him in? I don’t even know his last name… how can I make a report?