For a Sapiosexual Submissive Female I Have Yet to Meet

Shiro​(sub female) • Nov 23, 2018

As a sapio-sexual who has endured trauma, the part of my brain that was built to think too fast will allow itself to destroy my soul if my mind is left to its own devices. In our search for true master, or at least for me personally, I find that I want a master willing to be dominant in and out of the bedroom, not just a master who enjoys the carnal side of the lifestyle. The reason it is important that I distinguish what I perceive to be what you call 'fake' dominants (men who love to be a master in the bedroom alone) and 'true' dominants (men in total control of their realm and sexuality, who want to be a master 24/7, and show consistent ability to not be moved so much by the hurricanes of life) is because the trauma of my past has built my brain to analyze everything too many times and to always prepare for the worst case scenario, and this inevitable pattern (which I am currently also working on through mental health professionals) demands a personality empathetic and consistent and committed enough to build the ultimate trust between the master and the slave. In my opinion, that is more important than the love that may be shared. In many examples of life it is proven to us that the ones we can trust are the ones who we place the foundation of who are into. A master who can be trusted, and can consistently be in control of his submissive, can release her from the burden of being a slave to their brain and their negative thought patterns.

I am not one to judge anyone's lifestyle in this respect; what each person wants in life is unique to them. Who can say what they want. Maybe it is only sexual for some. For me personally though, distinguishing between those who are fully immersed and those who are just ankle deep is an important first step of establishing early trust in a power exchange relationship.

"Faith is a fine invention, when the eye can see. But microscopes are prudent, in an emergency." -- Emily Dickinson

OpenDom​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2018

The writing was not intended to be an audition for a writers' workshop.

A metaphor comes to mind in response to your question: if I have to wear a mask in either case, sleepwalking in the vanilla world may be preferable to goose-stepping in this one.

OpenDom​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2018

I'll try asking my question through a metaphor:

If I have to wear a mask in either case, is it better to crawl in the vanilla world or goose-step in this one?

It's beginning to feel like crawling may be better: at least anonymity offers bespoke armor.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 23, 2018

@Open


Ok.

What I'm trying to get at is.


What do you want the reader to walk away feeling ?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 23, 2018

Why the mask? Wondering if Heath's Joker; Nobody paid attention without it? Your Dominant side should be core, immune to judgement. False, fake, insta. Aye, Scotsman, aye. Dinnae fash over the bollocks. Be a Sex Pistol. Not Sid. Maybe Glen. He's doing well.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 23, 2018

@Fudbar: I feel like this should have ended with:

“If Bill—traveling 70 miles per hour (mph)—leaves the assembly headed towards San Dimas mall, at the same time Ted—traveling 60 mph leaves headed for the phone booth, ‘when’ and where do they meet, and what grade do they get?”

San Dimas High School Football Rules!!!

Emotion-driven vs. rationality-driven responses

OpenDom​(dom male) • Nov 24, 2018

First, please forgive my previous snark. I'm just feeling emotionally/philosophically/intellectually isolated and am feeling frustrated by all of that. I don't buy into the woo, but I'm a classic Capricorn

Anyway, thanks for the question, @MasterBear, but I'm not terribly interested in responses driven by emotion [again, Capricorn]. Rather, I would (have) prefer(red) to start some kind of discussion on the usefulness/uselessness of preconceived/articulated definitions of "real dom" vs "fake dom." The traditional dictionary definition format is, as a linguist, my knee-jerk approach (even in my own head):

[target term] is [semantic class] which [distinguishing characteristic]

So that:

"A bicyle is a type of two-wheeled vehicle which is powered by turning its pedals."

I hope this helps you to understand the sort of responses I hope(d) to evoke; perhaps I'm being oversensitive, but the mild to moderate ridicule of some of the other respondents was unhelpful...

DonCaramel​(dom male) • Nov 24, 2018

See the title of the post. The writing; feathers of the peacock. I hope you find her.

Thanks...

OpenDom​(dom male) • Nov 24, 2018

Thanks, Shiro - a thoughtful and articulate answer from someone who seems to be a complementary spirit - your trauma has led you to seek safety; mine to seek release myself from focusing on my learned sense of terminal inadequacy by allowing myself to focus on freeing another from the bondage of thought through refocusing my own away from myself.

Although I am not an A-type personality, domination does arise in many areas of my life, my sense of self-worth, etc (I'm a teacher )

It's very reassuring to read that you believe that empathy, consistency and commitment are the touchstones - I too have always felt so.

Thanks....

OpenDom​(dom male) • Nov 24, 2018

Thanks for the good wishes and for the nonjudgmental recognition of courtship display.

It was definitely part of my purpose, but there were others as well: to generate actual discussion, to find kindred spirits of all kinds, to be reassured in my own insecurity of my realness as a dom; @Shiro addresses this very well, I think, and my response to her expands a bit on that if you're interested...